


The Cat's Mouse

by Pyreneese



Series: Cat and Mouse [2]
Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Brainwashing, Cults, Drugging, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, L x reader - Freeform, Lemon, Married Life, Physical Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Religious Fanaticism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:21:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 32
Words: 70,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22050028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pyreneese/pseuds/Pyreneese
Summary: It's been 6 years since the Kira investigation, 4 since you've married L. Even with several sects of the dangerous cult Kira's Kingdom all over the world, life is pretty good. But an old friend proves ambitious, and she'll stop at nothing until both you and L are destroyed.
Relationships: L/Reader
Series: Cat and Mouse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1587103
Comments: 118
Kudos: 77





	1. Meet the In-laws!

**Author's Note:**

> If you're coming here from Cat and Mouse, hiii! Hope you like the story and thank you so much for all the love for the first one! 
> 
> As the tags point out, this one's much darker than the first in terms of themes. On my dash as I whole, I'm experimenting/delving into darker stuff just to really test myself and try new things as a writer. I realized that the first story was also very experimental like that because I'd never worked so extensively with 2nd person before or just shifting perspectives in general and I found that 2nd is actually really awesome to write! So, yeah. If you're wondering why the themes are darker, that's pretty much the reason. I won't go Grimdark per se, especially because I want to keep the fluff alive. But it does get a bit rough at some point, which I'll point out.
> 
> Thank you so much for checking it out! :)

"Happy Birthday to you," L hummed, watching you over his knees.

Your cheeks hurt from smiling as you blew out the two candles, one shaped as a 3, the other a 1. When you got home, you'd found him covered in flour, egg yolk and milk but proudly holding up a cake. He'd lit romantic candles around the house, to the point where the rose aroma was the only thing you could sense. There had been an attempt to spread petals all across the floor.

Now that the two on the cake were out, the only light came from the candles around you. The both of you sat on the sofa, the cake on the small table in front. Throwing your arms around him, you hugged him tightly.

"You really didn't have to go through the trouble," you beamed, heat rising up your face.

L wrapped his arms around you, burying his face in the dip of your shoulder. Against your skin, you could feel his lips tugging upwards. Pulling away, he had a mischievous smirk.

"Oh, I totally did it just for the excuse to eat some cake," he purred playfully.

Your brow quirked as you dragged a finger along his jaw. You always thrilled in the shudder it produced. Leaning in, you brushed your lips against the shell of his ear. He gaped slightly, his fingers dancing up your spine.

"Well if you just did it for the cake, I guess I'll go take a nice hot bath while you eat it," you rumbled teasingly.

L tapped his chin thoughtfully, his features warm in the orange glow. He gave a quiet smile.

"You know, I've been thinking we should be trying to use our time to its fullest extent. It is a valuable resource, after all. Would it not then be more efficient to combine these two activities together? And taking a bath together would save water."

You leaned back, a laugh forming in the pit of your stomach.

"Yes, it would truly maximize efficiency. Besides," you lowered your voice huskily, "you got so dirty making this cake. You don't want to look like an absolute mess... do you?"

His lips hovered over yours, almost but not quite touching. Every time you tried to move forward, he'd shift back until you felt a pit of heat in your stomach... needing to taste him. He kept toying with you until he was twitching, his eyes glazing. L tilted his head, his breathing heavy.

"Very true, appearance is important."

He finally pressed his lips against yours, tasting like cake and coffee and every sweet in the world. It was such a shock to your senses, from the sultry candles to the sweet taste and cozy sight. You gasped into the kiss, a loud moan catching in your chest as he pushed you to a horizontal position, straddling you. He tenderly kissed your abdomen, his feathery touches alone almost bringing you to the edge as he slowly rolled up your shirt. He yelped as egg yolk ran down his forehead, dripping onto your stomach. He winced.

"Maybe I really should get cleaned up..."

* * *

You woke up on the bed, basking in the afterglow, knowing at some point, you'd have to get ready for work. L was sprawled on top of you, naked, his member resting against the outside of your leg. His face was next to you, nuzzled in the crook of your neck. Rubbing the sleepiness out of your face, you took the moment to just watch him. His features were porcelain and set like marble. His eyes were hidden below a complete mess of hair. A part of you wanted to say 'screw the world, let's stay like this forever'... his eyes opened slowly, his pristine features turning up to face you. L yawned widely.

"Maybe if we get in early, we can finally beat the boys to all the good cases."

It had been four years since you'd married L... six since the end of the Kira investigation. To your dismay, L had been right about the consequences of killing Light. Kira's Kingdom and its Citizens had proven to be among the most dangerous of 'religions'... much more like cults... you'd lost count of how many sects you and L had investigated and helped authorities disband. They would kidnap criminal suspects, not even people who had been found guilty yet, murder them and display their bodies as an offering to Kira... oftentimes in public places such as parks and trails. To them, if they tried to cleanse the world enough, their messiah... their god... would return.

You sighed, nodding.

"I'll check our email."

The machine was on the other side of the room. As you logged into your computer and went into your email, your eyes widened. _Fuck_. You froze, different emotions roiling in your stomach.

L watched you from the bed, instantly awake, shooting to a sit when he saw your pale face. Clearing your throat, you quickly signed out of the account. His grey eyes were intense.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," you chirped, swinging away from the computer.

His brow quirked as he moved his thumb to his mouth pensively.

"Okay. Lying to my face. Got it. Can you at least admit something happened?"

You winced, sighing heavily as you pushed away from the computer, sliding next to him on the bed. He was still naked under the covers. The only time you ever saw him sit completely stretched out, relaxed and flexing, was when he was in bed with you. His large grey eyes were both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, they were quite a handsome, knee-buckling blessing, but on the other, it felt like they were a spotlight searching your very soul. You sighed, suddenly embarrassed that you might be overreacting.

"My parents found me."

L scanned your eyes, his own flickering in confusion. He leaned forward, his face reflecting a whole myriad of emotions.

"You parents... are alive?"

You started.

"Wha... _yes_! I never said they were dead!"

"I-I mean, I guess... it's just, my snooping habit is a bit... creepy... so I didn't want to pry... But you've literally never mentioned them once and whenever I ask, you take the subject and bank a hard right. Y/n, in the SEVEN years we've been together, not counting when I was dead, you have literally never mentioned your parents!"

"7 years and 5 months," you purred.

He faltered, momentarily distracted.

"Oh, really? That's inter- **hey**! You're changing the subject again! _Your parents are **alive**_?... Do they even know you're **_married_?** Wha- **what**?"

A sigh gathered up in your chest as you stretched out on the bed, resting your head on the pillow. He twisted so he was facing you, but his eyes were wild with the realization that he had in-laws.

"L... look," you finally murmured, adverting your eyes, "Light's house was a like a second home to be because my parents were in an out of prison a lot... and Soichiro loved me like a second daughter, so he took me in whenever they got in trouble."

L's gaze flickered around your face.

"I assumed it was a sore subject," he mumbled quietly.

"It is," you clarified.

He watched you with those reflective eyes.

"Is it okay if I ask what they did?"

You chewed on your lip, not wanting to answer, but feeling the need to.

"Different things. Selling drugs, armed robbery, they were accused of a murder but there wasn't enough evidence... the thing that really put them away was second-degree kidnapping. I actually remember being like 11 and trying to become friends with the senator's kid. They were holding him for ransom... They were given 20 years and since I was still kind of young, my aunt used to live half an hour away so I just stayed with her... they were just released today."

L's gaze was so intense you'd thought you'd wilt under it. He seemed to be debating something, nibbling on his finger until he drew blood.

"They want to meet up with me and catch up on missed time... I guess. I stopped visiting them when I turned 18. So, yeah. In a way you weren't wrong. They've been dead to me for years now."

He nodded slowly, a sigh building in his chest.

"Do you want to see them?" He whispered.

Yes? No? Ugh, it was all so confusing. You rubbed your face, groaning.

"I _should.._. Fuuuuuuuuck."

"I can go with you if you want, offer you support."

"L, they don't know I'm married. They don't know I'm a detective. They don't know anything about my life."

L scooted forward, touching your chin tenderly. Your eyes were misting, but you quickly wiped it away. He gave a small smile that somehow lit up his features.

"It might be entertaining to see their faces."

Against your will, a laugh escaped. Yeah. To come out and see their daughter had fallen in love with a reclusive, wild-haired, raccoon-eyed detective. If nothing else, that expression alone might make the whole ordeal worth it.

"Fine. I'll tell them to meet us at Suzuki's Coffee Shop... J-just don't tell them how much money we have."

* * *

"S-so... this is your husband?" You mother stuttered.

Your father watched L incredulously as he pulled his knees up tighter below his chin. You grinned proudly. Oh, yeah. Their faces had been worth everything, and you were planning on milking it for all it was worth. L was happy to oblige, grateful you hadn't gone all 'change everything about yourself and make yourself presentable!'. He cleared his throat, scratching the back of his neck nervously. You watched him, your heart softening. They may have only been his in-laws, but he hadn't had parents in such a long time. Under the table, you brushed your fingers across his knuckles. He gave you a sideways glance, his lips up in a sheepish smile. You were glad he was here...

"Yeah. Mom, Dad, this is L," you chirped.

They stared, inspecting L quizzically. L shrank a bit under their gaze, but flashed his cute smile. The one that made his face freaking adorable.

"Your daughter is amazing," he offered, resting his chin on his knees nervously.

Your father rubbed his chin in interest, tilting his head.

"Interesting... what do you do, L? Is that really your name? It's so strange. And why the Hell are you sitting like that?"

"Yes... s-sir, it is," he added quickly, avoiding the last question, "I'm um, we're-"

He looked at you in distress, but you nodded. It was okay if they knew you were detectives. L breathed out in relief, "we're detectives."

Your mother inhaled sharply, pointing a finger.

"Hold on a second! Are you that detective that investigated Kira? I'm not really into that stuff, but word got around... there wasn't any official report that you'd solved it, right? That must've been embarrassing."

L's face went a bright red. You winced, hanging your head. He rubbed his toes together absentmindedly. When he didn't want to convey emotion, it was almost impossible to tell, but you could practically see the tired fake shame mixing with the real feeling.

"Uh... yeah," he grumbled, "embarrassing."

He hated when people thought he'd failed a case. His whole demeanor slumped a bit, but he quickly picked his head back up, grey eyes eager to impress.

"But since then, the two of us have solved a good number of cases."

"I see," your father replied tightly, shooting you a disapproving glare.

You gave an awkward smile, the tension in the air thick. Your mother drummed her fingers against the table. When she asked the next question, you genuinely felt a tug in your heart.

"Was it a nice wedding?" She whispered.

Your father didn't show any reaction. But he did down his coffee in one swig, quickly ordering another one. You exchanged a look with L. Under the table, his fingers wrapped around yours, warm and comforting.

"Yeah," you said gently, giving your first real smile of the meeting, "it was beautiful."

"Do you, um... do you have pictures?" Your father asked gruffly.

That was unexpected. You straightened, eyes darting between the two of them. Their expressions were tender... faces you weren't used to from them. Hope fluttered in your mind that maybe they really were done... that maybe 20 years was just enough for them to realize how pointless it was to keep going back.

"We do," you said softly, hating the pressure behind your eyes.

"If you want to meet up again soon, I'd like to see them," your mother sighed, "I miss talking to my daughter."

You perked, your heart twisting. You were so stunned, that you could barely choke out a reply. L lightly squeezed your hand, his eyes wide with encouragement.

"Yeah..."

"How does in a week sound?" Your father piped up.

A week... you found yourself agreeing, feeling like you were floating. They beamed, gathering their things as they left, leaving you and L staring at the wall. He leaned against the table, placing his chin in the cup of his hand.

"That went well," he rumbled.

Your breathing was heavy, so many emotions from the past racing through your mind. It was so much you had to actually support yourself against the table. L nuzzled your neck, his breath cooling and calming you down.

"I guess I'm going to see my parents in a week," you rasped... happily...


	2. A Dead Case

"Thank you, Y/n. You have no idea how much these weekly lunches mean to me," Soichiro cleared his throat.

You nodded, giving a small smile as you ate your last fry. He glanced up at you with a mix of hope and sadness, his voice shaky as he asked.

"Any new developments in the case?"

Your mouth felt dry. Desperately, you wanted to say yes. Instead, you had to sigh heavily as you shook your head.

"I'm so sorry... Sayu hasn't popped up anywhere."

Both you and L were still working on it, but it had been three years since Sayu disappeared without a note or destination. Soichiro hung his head, moving his thumbs against each other. For years, he'd kept Light being Kira a secret and you saw first-hand how it ate him. He was less than a shell, showing self-destructive behaviors up until one night L found him in the backyard, drunk out of his mind. Finally, he broke down and told his family who Light was... he just never told them about the death note itself... Sachiko was absolutely destroyed and about a month later, Sayu vanished.

"I see," he cleared his throat, "thank you."

You bobbed your head, wishing you could give more. He glanced up at you then, fiddling with his thumbs a bit faster.

"There's something I've wanted to talk to you about..."

"Hm? Anything..."

Soichiro stroked his chin, his face wary.

"I couldn't access the tape because they're classified. But Sachiko... Sachiko wants to hear it."

You froze, your heart beating quickly. At one point, the plan had been to catch Light, and you'd managed to place a bug around his collar. Your first time hearing the recording had been chilling... frightening... your voice was choked as you cleared your throat.

"You want me to make a copy and edit out any mentions of the note?"

His head still hung, he nodded.

"Sachiko knows there's classified material and fully accepts that the audio will be heavily edited. She just... she just wants to hear him say it himself. She says..." Soichiro massaged the bridge of his nose, "she says she's ready."

You watched him, your heart tugging. 

"... of course..."

You sagged in the chair, typing into the computer, making a digital copy of the audio file. Your fingers trembled as you slowly put in the earbuds... and Light's voice filled your senses. Almost instantly, your chest felt heavy, your heart squeezing.

" _I'm Kira! I am justice... the god of a new world! You think you can do what I've done? I'm the only one! I was chosen! It's my divine right!_ "

A shudder passed through you. In your mind, you could still see him screaming hysterically, his eyes wild. Sucking in a breath, you forced yourself to listen to the rest of the file, editing whatever you had to and settling back, your eyes distant as you listened intently.

The world around you seemed to melt away as you listened, a cold sweat on your brow. There was an eerie feeling settling over you, the hairs on the back of your neck standing as you listened to that voice. All you nerves stood on edge, as if Light would jump out of the recording...

A hand touched your shoulder.

You screamed, twisting and grabbing the wrist, almost breaking it. L's eyes snapped instinctively, puling you towards him and almost kicking your chest, his foot about an inch away. The two of you froze, staring at each other. His foot was so close that when he flexed his toes, they drummed against your heart. The two of you stood in that position until he let out a shaky breath, his wrist still being held in an awkward position.

"Is there something you want to talk about?" He asked, eyes wide.

You released your breath.

"Sorry... I just... I'm sorry..."

Blinking, you let go of his wrist and he retracted his foot, watching you warily. You tried for a dry smile, shrugging.

"Maybe you shouldn't have snuck up on me like that..." you tried giving a smile, but it was shaky.

L gave you an expression stating that he didn't believe that that was the only factor at play. You motioned towards the computer, explaining everything and how you'd listened to it. His eyes were tired as he listened.

"I haven't listened to it in at least a year... it doesn't raise many fond memories."

You gave a wry grin, rubbing your face sleepily, an image of blood exploding from Light's body etched in your brain.

"No," you admitted quietly, "it doesn't."

"Hm. Well before you almost broke my wrist, I was going to ask if you wanted some pizza?"

"No thanks, I'm still working on the case."

His brow quirked. You faltered, sitting back down. In addition to the tape, you'd pretty much gone over all the evidence, spending hours trying to shock life into Sayu's dead case. L stared at you, crossing his arms as he leaned against the desk.

"You look exhausted."

It was true... you were... you just wanted to find Sayu... was that too hard to ask? Groaning, you rubbed the sleep from your eyes, shaking your head stubbornly.

"No," you growled, "I'm fine."

He lightly poked your ear, making you glance up in annoyance. L gave that lopsided grin, and the annoyance defused with a hiss.

"Maybe I am tired," you admitted, your jaw set.

"Hm. She _can_ be introspective. So go to sleep."

"But--"

"Wrist," he coughed.

Your eyes narrowed.

"You're never going to let me forget that, are you?"

He snorted, his eyes glittering that he'd found something to tease you about. But you sighed, shaking your head. You didn't want to go to sleep. Tomorrow you were meeting your parents for the first time alone in a long while, and you could feel your stomach doing wild turns.

"I'm actually not that tired... you want to watch a movie or something?"

L pursed his lips, obviously not pleased that you'd chosen the route of insomnia. You pouted, making the little cute face you knew he couldn't possibly resist. His eyes widened as he tried to, eventually groaning. He nodded in defeat, going to warm up some dinner while you popped in the movie. As the two of you settled, the phone rang. L answered it, and from the sounds, you could guess it was Matt.

"Yes, I... are you serious?"

You froze, watching him curiously. L glanced in your direction, his eyes gigantic.

"Matt's girlfriend is pregnant."

You gaped, jumping up to your feet.

"Is that a good thing?"

L went back on the phone and after a short exchange, nodded. You squealed, racing up to the phone, giving your congratulations. Matt sounded so much older, excited and breathless while he and his girlfriend rambled. They mentioned something about planning a wedding, but not having specifics yet. They hung up and you and L collapsed on the sofa. He stretched out his legs, allowing your head to rest on his lap. The commercials played and you were quiet, your mind wandering.

"It's going to be hard imagining Matt as a dad," you giggled.

"Sometimes it still feels like he himself is still a child," L mused, giving a dry snort.

You returned it, sighing. Your fingers drummed on his knee as you gave a short chuckle.

"I wonder what a kid between the two of us would look like."

L almost choked on his sweet, his coughing making your head bounce. But then he went quiet. It was the kind of quiet you knew when he was being pensive, so deep in thought everything else fell away. He popped a chocolate-covered almond in his mouth, digging around the bag.

"For its own sake, hopefully it would get its personality from me."

A smile crossed your lips as you lightly smacked his knee, not hard enough to hurt. He combed his long fingers through your hair, his voice coming muted.

"Do you... want kids?"

Did you? It was almost impossible picturing yourself as a mother. You shrugged, answering honestly.

"I wouldn't be opposed to one, but I don't really want to seek one out either... I don't know. It's a bit confusing."

He didn't answer and you twisted your neck to look at him anxiously..

"Do you?"

L chewed his almond slowly, his gaze distant. He bit at his thumb.

"I agree," he murmured, "I've never really given it thought before. I mean, the very thought of me as a father is... I don't know... what, um..." his eyes darted, his fingers crinkling the bag, "if we don't have one, but we want to in the future when we can't... how do you feel about adopting?"

His knee twitched slightly against your temple, as if he instinctively wanted to bring them close to his chest. A gentle smile crossed your face as his eyes flickered to the corner of the room nervously.

"Even if we were to have a kid, I don't see why adopting would be off the table... maybe even from Wammy's itself."

He glanced at you in surprise, silver eyes shining. His expression warmed as he tried distracting himself with more almonds. You buried your face into his lap. His fingers danced around the back of your neck as the movie started, and you just sat there contentedly. L's fingers paused, a slight apprehension.

"Do you want me to be there tomorrow?"

Did you? A part of you wanted to say yes, but you sighed, rubbing the bridge of your nose.

"No, no... if I'm serious about rekindling with my parents, I'll have to spend time with them alone at some point."

The movie itself was all kinds of dumb. It was a thriller, the general public's 'what if' scenario... if L and Kira had had some confrontation... and they both had perfect abs... and car chases... Of course, no one knew how Kira actually killed, so the movie proposed Kira punched his chest all macho and the criminal he was thinking about just died. 'L' was a sophisticated British spy with a fancy suit, a million guns, and absolutely being doted on by beautiful women.

"You cheating on me?" You teased.

L rolled his eyes playfully.

"Hey, what happens in... Germany? I thought we were in Budapest a scene ago... The _fuck_ am I doing in Germany?... What happens in Germany stays in Germany."

A giggle escaped as the cheesy movie continued. At some point, the two of you tilted your heads, watching in confusion as 'L' directly confronted Kira in a restaurant, smashing silverware across the floor and screaming about Kira... out in public.

You watched in shock as Kira killed 'L''s mentor-figure, resulting in the character going batshit insane and being chased by the police while he ran after Kira on foot with a gun.

"You are _never_ picking the movie again," he lamented. 

"I'm sorry," you winced, "in my defense, I've been awake for like... 20 hours." You added in a dramatic wail, "I'd thought it'd be cheesy fun! I was so, so, so, so very wrong, I was..." you lowered your voice, mimicking 'L', "an Icarus who flew too close."

You found yourself finally drifting, the exhaustion taking over. Soon you were snoring gently, sprawled out across L. He glanced between you and the movie in utter distress, not wanting to wake you, but the remote being on the other sofa... so far away...


	3. Bliss

Sunlight filtered in on top of your eyelids, pulling you from sleep and you groaned. It had officially been over 24 hours and you'd only gotten about 3 of sleep... You were still on L, his head lolled back as he snored gently, one hand resting on your head, the other on your hip. You stretched, basking in the fresh feeling the morning brought. L mumbled, his eyes slowly opening as he looked down at you. You blinked, tilting your head.

"Hey... why didn't you wake me up?"

"Leverage," he mumbled, yawning, "You forced me to sit through that thing alone," he chuckled tiredly, "I'm... I'm going to get you for that."

Your face was in his lap. Giving him a mischievous grin, you tenderly kissed his member through his pants. That woke him up. His mouth opened his surprise as his lips tugged upwards, fingers twitching. L watched you, eyes sparking. 

"Oh? You're going to get me for that?" You purred innocently.

L tried to answer, but your tongue darted across the fabric and his sentence devolved into an incoherent jumble. His grip on your head tightened, his breathing coming out hitched. You paused and he glanced at you, his eyes lidded. Stretching out completely, you supported your head by your knuckles, your other fingers dancing around the front of his pants. 

"Well? Aren't you going to show how you're going to get me?"

His brow quirked, his fingers drumming. The one on your hip slipped into your waistband. A gasp escaped as you felt his long fingers sliding and rubbing across your clit. You moaned, your eyes glazing over. His fingers were methodical, delicate in the way they moved and the patterns they made... he moved a finger up your wall, sending your thoughts scattering. You looked up at him, your heart pounding wildly, your voice dripping.

"Mm. Maybe I should pick more crappy movies."

L snorted. The one that had been holding your hair traced up and down the side of your face, fondling with your ears. The one working its magic below started moving. Your toes curled excitedly, a knot forming in your stomach.

He pumped the finger, adding a second and a third. You moaned, pressing your lips into his abdomen as you breathed heavily. The knot of pressure in your stomach tightened until your vision was swimming. He twisted and curled them and you cried out, the pressure releasing. In front of your face, you could see he was hard, his member straining against the pants. L brought the fingers up to his mouth, licking them.

Sitting up, you straddled and pulled him into a kiss, tasting yourself on his lips. He wrapped his arms around you, groaning as he struggled to slide off his pants. You reached down, running your hands over it in the way you knew he loved. L straightened a bit, his eyes wide. You didn't want to push it too far, he already looked so ready to come, so you positioned yourself. L's nostrils flared as he held your hips, his lip quivering.

"We need to," he entered and you hissed, your mind blanking, "start thinking about breakfast," L rocked his hips slowly, his member stretching your insides. You threw your head back, a shudder passing over your skin as his cool breath made your hairs stand up, "after all-" he sighed, moving his hips a bit faster. Your mind seized, holding onto his shoulders for support. He dug his fingers into your hips, steadying you as he thrusted, "it's the most, urngh, important meal of the... ah... day..."

L stretched his head, exposing his neck. You lightly licked at it, nibbling softly on the soft part. You were bouncing with the force, his member angled to hit your g-spot over and over again. The sofa creaked as you moved, pleasure racking your brain. Moving in time with his thrusts, your hips bucked, running a hand through his hair. Your voice came out strained and out of breath.

"I want you to-- oh-oh God... L!"

Explosions rocked your brain as you tensed in his grip. L gave a low, husky growl. He came, panting with that handsome, lopsided grin. Moving towards him, you planted smaller kisses along his chin and up his jawline. L closed his eyes, just feeling your lips. Smirking, you brushed against the shell of his ear. He shuddered.

"You totally have morning breath," you teased.

L's brow quirked as he pressed you closer to his body.

"Do I?... would you like some?"

He kissed your forehead and lips and you yelped, unable to stop a string of chuckles and snorts. He pulled you into a hug, settling back on the sofa. They two of you stayed like that for a while, basking in the calmness morning always brought. You always loved how the sun caught his soft hair, making it look like a dark halo. Closing your eyes, you inhaled deeply. He smelled like a beautiful mixture of chocolate and tea... It was moments like these the rest of the world really did fall away. When everything felt blissful and calm and you didn't think about all the horrible things people were out there doing to each other. You wished you could take a snapshot of everything, preserve it all.

But L was a bit tense.

You glanced at him, tilting your head curiously.

"Are you okay?"

He rubbed his lip thoughtfully.

"I'm worried."

You sat up a bit straighter, looking at him.

"What do you mean?"

L didn't answer right away. The hand still wrapped around you stroked your arm softly and absent-mindedly.

"I have this feeling I can't quite describe..."

"Bells?" You practically shouted, panic rising up your chest.

"No!" He cried out quickly and you sighed.

"Fuck, don't do that to me... so... what..."

L's eyes darted around the room, giving a dry chuckle.

"I'm sorry. I'm being paranoid, like usual... it's just... nothing's ever been happy in my life for so long. A part of me is scared it'll all come crashing down..."

"Well," you leaned against his chest, his cool skin shivering under your touch, "we'll deal with it. I have faith in us."

He pulled you into a kiss, his lips smooth like honey. L gazed at you, his eyes flickering as he smiled. You stared at him, wondering what kind of feeling he got. Of course, you trusted his intuition. Sometimes it was supernatural in and of itself, and he'd be able to tell something about a case simply by looking at one piece of evidence. L's eyes darted to the kitchen.

"I have faith too," he rumbled, nuzzling the side of your face, "but come on, we should actually have breakfast."

* * *

You walked through the city streets, grumbling as you fought the sea of people. Narrowing your eyes, you tried to find the address for some pub and eatery your parents had suggested. Summer was quickly transitioning into fall, and you felt the extra chill in the air. It wasn't enough to make you cold, but to the point where you wished your shirt was just a _little_ fuzzier.

Let it be known your walking skills are not akin to your driving skills, because whenever you walked, the rest of the world fell away a little too much. It wasn't to the point where you'd walk blindly over a road or something, but it was easy to get lost in your thoughts. As that was happening, a person jumped out at you and you yelped, leaping back. Your heart dropped as the man greeted you with a much too-wide smile.

"I'm sorry, Child-"

"I'm 31," you bristled.

He continued on as if he hadn't heard you, that smile unnaturally wide, "you are right to be afraid for there is much to fear in this world... join Kira's Kingdom! Feel fear no more."

You glared at him, your breathing heavy. He faltered, but the plastic grin never left his face.

"You don't care about justice, Child?!"

Glancing around, you bit your tongue. There were about five Kira worshippers handing out fliers and talking to people while holding up signs. Things like "repent or face Kira". A shiver rushed up your spine as you stared into his wide eyes.

"No thank you," you mumbled, quickly stepping away.

They continued to loudly proclaim their allegiance to Kira, leaving you a bitter taste in your mouth. Your teeth went down a little too hard on your tongue, allowing a drop of blood to pool. Maybe L was getting to you. You watched the members suspiciously, sighing. Technically, it wasn't illegal for them to openly worship Kira, but there'd been enough cults that media had an ongoing debate on whether or not it should even be considered a religion. It left an uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach, and the feeling didn't go away once you passed a Kingdom. They were a meeting place for Kira's followers, the stained glass windows depicting a woman standing over a heart... Kira's power... 

Now _thoroughly_ unsettled, you picked up your pace, nostrils flaring. Sometimes it felt like you couldn't get away from seeing Kira everywhere. Even passing the park, you froze, your eyes widening as you saw people on their knees, begging Kira to kill them... that they were too rotten for this world... your stomach felt sick, but you trekked on. Aaaand this was why you didn't really like going on walks anymore. You scratched your head, L's words continuously playing in your mind, desperately wanting to get to this pub and eatery. 

Your parents were waiting outside. They seemed to be deep in conversation, nodding and sighing occasionally. A sigh of relief built up in your chest. You waved and they pulled away, beaming. Your mother pulled you into a hug and you couldn't help but melt a bit. She hadn't done that since you were little... you glanced at her, clearing your throat as your father clasped a hand across your back.

"It's great to see you, Y/n."


	4. Breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional tag: drugs and drugging
> 
> Also, for the future, M/n and D/n refer to Mother's name and Dad's name

You spent the day with them, going to different places and feeling yourself having fun. If you were being honest with yourself, you missed them... As the sun dipped down into twilight, you guys found yourself looking for dinner, your mother demanding to see every and all photos. Giving a sheepish smile, you began scrolling through them.

"And we went on our honeymoon to Italy."

You flipped through the photos. Of course he looked at his most comfortable when there were less people around, but he still looked unsure, as if he didn't know how to act with a camera in front of him. There was one shot of the two of you chins-deep in gelato. He was grinning, a rare photo of his genuine smile. You father shifted, his brow rising.

"Just tell me... why a detective? Why become one? Hell, why marry one? Don't you know how much danger that puts you in?"

You shrugged, your throat dry. A part of you was expecting it. They were probably feeling... betrayed... but this was your life... not theirs... you forced a smile.

"Can't you just be happy for me? I have a pretty great life and I'm happy."

They stared at you, their eyes still uneasy.

You did care what they thought, but you didn't want to. M/n shook her head, picking at her food.

"I'm just saying that one of these days, this career is going to land you in serious trouble."

They didn't say anything else. You were lost in thought, staring at the window. Of course the job was risky. But you'd been prepared for that... and you truly loved investigating... Instead of answering, the three of you finished your meal and had one last glass of beer before you swayed to your feet. You'd had a couple now, and were feeling tipsy. But it was all ok. Bernard, the limo driver, would be arriving in 15 minutes for whenever you wanted to leave. 

"I need to call... need to call-," you chuckled hearing the slur in your own voice.

Your father nodded.

"A cab? Don't worry, we'll call it for you. Come on."

You tried to shake you head, but they were already moving you out. Stumbling, you followed them in a daze, shocked that you felt a lot more drunk that you had realized. The twilight had melted into night, bringing a chilled breeze over your features. You closed your eyes, feeling the coolness settle in your skin.

Something was... wrong...

You'd been drunk before, the worst time probably after L's death. But this... you felt an extra layer of groggy and the world had a slight blur to it. You tried moving forward, but tripped, feeling you father's arms pull you back up.

Everything felt off.

Something was wrong.

Your mind screamed, trying to wake yourself.

 _Something's wrong_.

You had just enough energy to tilt your head, meeting your mother's face. Her eyes were cold, uncaring. A choking fear grabbed hold as you stared at her, stars filling your vision at the realization.

"You... you drugged-"

You didn't get to finish the sentence...

The first thing you felt was cramped, knowing you were in a small space... the trunk of a car... and it had just stopped... your hands were tied behind your back, your feet bound, and a cloth shoved in your mouth. You let out a scream, but it was muffled by the rag. An intense fear shot through you as you spat it out, your mind spinning. The trunk door opened and you saw your parents standing over you, muttering to a third person.

Someone shown a flashlight on you and you squinted, yelling obscenities, none of them getting through. Your teeth chattered as reality crashed through you. They hadn't changed. Tears stung the back of your eyes. Why did you ever think they could change? Why did you ever think you might be able to trust them? It didn't matter at the moment. You'd just have to deal with the fallout. What you needed to do was figure out what the **fuck** was going on.

The stranger was a rather tall, well-built man with shoulder-length black hair and glasses. He inspected you, nodding more to himself.

"You did well... don't worry. Your compensation is coming as we speak."

You struggled to move the gag until the night air hit your mouth. Sucking in large gulps of air, you glared at them.

"Who the Hell are you?"

Your parents' eyes flashed in alarm, but the man smirked amusedly. He bowed. Each movement was methodical, every facial expression calculated. Your breath caught. It was just like Light... that careful perfection.

"Ms L/n. My master wishes to apologize for this inconvenience. You may call me Mikami."

His master? Inconvenience? A bucket of terror washed over you as you stared at him. His serene, unblinking... hiding insanity... eyes. Your own snapped towards your parents, but they quickly adverted their gazes.

"I don't understand," you croaked.

Your mother shook her head, so your father explained.

"Well, it's just you and L put so much of Kira's Kingdom behind bars. They wanted to get a hold of either you or L or maybe both. After meeting L, we realized how much of a cautious person he was. Don't get us wrong, you're careful too, but it was easier to nab you, since... well..."

"How much are they paying you?" You spat, anger bubbling in your stomach. Betrayal and hurt fluttered through your mind.

They didn't answer.

Mikami grabbed a hold of your shirt and you shrieked, praying someone would hear. But as he roughly pulled you out of the trunk, your stomach sank. All you could see were woods on one side. On the other, a castle resting on a cliff. A very large, old, Japanese fortress with pagodas, made from wood and stone. It made you feel small. Mikami picked you up as if you weighed nothing. You shook your head, trying to fight his grip.

"Wait! Stop it! Put me down!"

Tears threatened to stream down your cheeks. Your parents stood by their car, watching as Mikami carried you, more guards falling in line.

"Mommy! Daddy!" You said the words without thinking, your mind crashing.

You thrashed, trying to rake your nails down Mikami's neck. He gave you a sideways look.

"You can try something, but you'll never get five feet."

He was right. There were about ten well-built guards. Even if you managed to incapacitate him... your fighting skills weren't nearly to that level. Still, you sank your teeth into his shoulder, tasting blood. He gave out a satisfying scream and you managed to snap your knees up against his groin. Mikami roared, dropping you. Your ankles were still bound, but you tried hopping. You didn't get far before someone else scooped you up. Mikami glared at you, his stare icy as he held onto his shoulder.

"What are you going to do to me?" You demanded, making sure to spit.

"That's not for me to decide," he answered cryptically, "I'm just a humble servant."

The guard holding you carried you carefully, watching you warily as Mikami's blood dripped from the corners of your mouth. The castle inside was gorgeous, kept in a pristine state... except... you gasped, horror filling your mind as they walked you past a cage, a man chained up and slowly bleeding to death. You hadn't even realized you'd been making panicked sounds until Mikami reached over and slowly stroked your hair.

"It's okay. He's a serial rapist who never got convicted because of a lack of evidence. Until Kira returns, we're doing his work. It's okay. You're safe. As long as you don't squander our kindness, we won't hurt you!"

It did **not** make you feel safe. Big shock. If anything, you could feel the beginnings of hyperventilation. You were shaking as they brought you down a flight of stairs and into a colder, stone storage room. Mikami tossed you to the ground, and you landed hard, pain shooting through your body.

"I'd suggest you change into these."

He threw a fresh pair of soft clothing. You were about to refuse, but he motioned to an array of chains on the wall, telling you how such a position would be uncomfortable in normal clothing. A fire ignited in your stomach as you threw the soft garments at his feet, watching him challengingly. He shrugged, obviously not caring.

Mikami quietly attached you to a row of chains on the wall, around your wrists and ankles... and one around your neck. It weighed you down so your head was stuck in a bow.

"What do you want?" You seethed.

You wouldn't beg. You refused to beg. Mikami knelt beside you, a plastic smile spread across his lips. You shifted away, heart pounding wildly.

"Please, Child, don't fear," he breathed, "you'll know in due time."

Without explaining, he stood. You called after him, but he didn't listen as he marched out of the room, the door closing heavily behind him. It was booming, sending vibrations through your chest.

Your eyes darted around the cell, but the chain around your neck was so heavy it was hard to think straight. A sweat broke against your brow with the effort to hold your head up. The only time it was biting so painfully was when you lied down, still wincing as it obstructed your head and made sleep impossible. Not that you'd want to sleep anyway. But completely horizontal, it was impossible to analyze the cell's weak spots. And when you sat up, it seemed to bite harder and harder.

You slid a hand through your hair, picturing L's face. His kind eyes... a lump formed in your throat as you pitched forward. No. You had to assume they had cameras high where you couldn't see. Crying would just make you look weak. You steeled your jaw, trying your damndest to calm down, your chin resting on your knees. Your heart kept racing wildly, but then L's voice echoed in your ears.

Meditation.

It had been an interesting experience doing it with him. His soothing voice and slightly monotone intonation kept it peaceful. Even though you kept getting distracted, he poked you with his toe, bringing you back into the session. You squeezed your eyes shut, losing yourself in the meditation, imagining L's voice telling you to

 _breathe...2...3..4 and hold...2...3...4 and out...2...3...4_.


	5. A Friend

L's perspective

I couldn't read my book, I was getting too distracted. It was almost two in the morning and Y/n wasn't back yet.. I brought my knees closer to my body, trying to turn myself into a ball of warmth. Everything was fine. She was probably still with her parents... but she wasn't responding to my texts, and I'd even called... straight to voicemail... would she think it too possessive if I called her parents? I groaned, falling back on the sofa. Yes, I was being paranoid.

Besides, Bernard was among the best drivers. He was a good person... of course I knew everything about him when I hired him, but I didn't know _him_... a small smile crossed my lips. Y/n was good about that, knowing people. It had never even crossed my mind that Bernard might become a semi-friend. I sighed, still wanting to call, as possessive as it might be. Social etiquette had never been my forte. 

Sleep was impossible, so I got up to make some hot chocolate. The sweet chocolate aroma filled the air. It was always a soothing scent... I made sure to dump three packets of marshmallows, watching in fascination as they melted and the gooeyness seeped into the surrounding liquid. Expecting it to calm my nerves, it did the exact opposite... I drummed my fingers against the mug, listening to the light clink it made. 

My phone received a call, and I jumped, anxiously hoping it was Y/n... Bernard. Oh, well.

"Bernard! Hello. Do you have her?"

His voice came out with a slight edge and I straightened, my gaze steeling.

"I um, I've been waiting for about an hour and I thought maybe she forgot or was incapacitated so I went in to check on her, but... I didn't see her or her parents."

"... Thank you, Bernard... please continue to wait there in case she does come. Don't worry, you'll be compensated for your extra time."

"That's okay. I just want to make sure she's okay."

Even though he couldn't see, I nodded gratefully. Sighing, I hung up, my heart echoing in my ears.

Ok. Possessive or not, fuck it.

I dialed M/n's number, leaning against the counter. 

She had a slight rasp to her voice, as if she'd been crying. My brow furrowed, the hair on the back of my neck standing up. I was always one to follow my intuition... and my stomach was roiling, warning me...

"L! Hey! What's new?"

There was an artificial chirp to her words. My eyes narrowed, my mind fully convinced something suspicious had happened.

"Hello... Y/n hasn't come home. I was wondering if she was with you?"

Hushed voices and then that damn bright tone. It made my nose wrinkle as my fingers twitched. I forced myself to breathe, my mind already in interrogation-mode. She cleared her throat nervously.

"She's not home? That's surprising. I'm sorry, we don't know where she is."

Smart. If they said she was with them, I'd ask to talk to her.

"Strange. It's a little past 2. She told me she'd leave at midnight. We have to get up early tomorrow."

It was a blatant lie. But my grip was tightening, all of my worst fears rushing through my brain. That same feeling I had earlier... the one that made me feel cold and unsure had come back. M/n chuckled in uncertainty. 

"Did she? I guess she's just running late."

"I see... do you know how she left?"

 _Come on, take the bait_. I was almost sure Y/n would never have flippantly mentioned the limo. 

"Yes, we saw her get into a cab! Maybe she's stuck in traffic. Give it more time before you call the cab company, Dear."

 _Liar_. The pet-name she gave burrowed under my skin until my entire body was tight. More time... they must know it wouldn't take long for her absence to be noticed. They were going to use the time to try to disappear... My voice never was one to tremble. If I ever expected it to waver, it'd be now. But it even unnerved _me_ how steady it was. 

"Interesting. She's not very keen on cabs."

"Oh... well... really? You know how it is when you're drunk..."

"Yes, alcohol can skewer the brain." My voice lowered a notch, this stirring danger in my chest, "that being said, I find it hard to believe she'd ghost a friend."

"A...friend?"

"Yes. A very good friend who was supposed to pick her up... I hope you're not lying... that would be a shame..."

Silence. An anger surged up in me, but the rage just made my voice go even lower, icy. 

"What really happened to her?"

No answer. More hushed voices. My breathing was heavy, my thoughts racing. Oh, God... where was she? 

"I don't know what you're implying," she coughed, "are you accusing us of something?" 

I stared at a spot on the wall, as if my eyes could warp the discoloration with fury alone. 

"If I were accusing you of a crime, you would know. I am simply curious why you're lying right now."

"Well... I don't know what to tell you... we saw her get in a cab."

My vision swam. No. They were lying... My other hand was already grabbing my cellphone, texting the boys.

"Hm. Thank you. You two must be _exceptional_ parents for making sure she got in a cab.." venom rose up my chest, turning my tone from threatening to dangerous, "I can't _wait_ to see you again..."

Without waiting for more of her lies, I hung up.

* * *

"There's a 91% chance it's drugged," you growled, glaring at the tray of food in Mikami's hand. 

He simply stared at you, shrugging uninterestedly as he held out the tray. Your eyes flickered to the side, your fingers twitching angrily.

"I'm not hungry."

"I've been ordered that you're to keep your strength up," he replied a little more forcefully.

Your gaze met his. A part of you knew you should do that too, but all you could feel was anger and bitter betrayal. You also knew this probably wasn't a good move, but you stuck out your chin, bristling. Your irises were fiery and your whole body tensed.

"I'm not eating it."

He took a step towards you and you stiffened, ready to bite and kick. You held your breath, the thought of being force-fed terrifying, but your stubbornness was already kicking in. Mikami paused, his finger going to an earpiece. His eyes flickered as he nodded slightly. You stared, wishing you could hear the conversation. Finally, he looked at you.

"If you willingly eat every meal we give you, the neck-chain will be permanently removed... I'd take the deal if I were you. One way or another, you're eating."

Permanently removed... it was such a weight, giving you a constant headache. But was it really worth being drugged over? You knew what he was doing, though... classic give and take. Positive reinforcement. Just for that alone, you were tempted to throw the food against the wall. You drummed your fingers thoughtfully. Then again, you knew that if you did that, you'd be force-fed. _Damn it, positive reinforcement already working? Shit_.

He set the tray in front of you and you stared at it warily. Your hand trembled as you bit into a piece of bread, almost spitting it out when a metallic taste passed over your tongue. Drugged. What a surprise. You swayed, the edges of your vision blurring. Reaching forward, he unhooked the neck chain. You gasped, the feeling freeing. It felt good and euphoric... you shook your head quickly, your muscles sighing in joy. Maybe once your head was more clear, you could start formulating how to escape.

Mikami opened the door, and someone else brought in a girl. Her brown hair was tussled, her head hanging. You squinted, seeing how she shuffled forward in gray clothing. She looked at you and you gasped, your heart beating loudly.

"Sayu?"

Your knees buckled, but you forced yourself to move forward. It didn't work in your favor and you crumpled at her feet. Sayu looked down at you, her face breaking into a loving smile.

"Y/n! Oh my God..."

Everything was spinning, but the one thing running through your mind was her face. You pulled yourself closer, the chains biting into your wrists, but you didn't care. Hugging her ankles, you found your voice slurring. The small piece of your mind still slightly sober wondered what kind of drug they'd given you.

"Sayu... did they... did they hurt you? I'll... I'll kill them all..."

Sayu knelt, hugging you softly. Spots filled your vision as you leaned into her grip. She shook her head against your hair, her arms tight and comforting. It made you want to sob how happy you were to see her. Now you didn't have to feel so guilty around Soichiro... if you could just get out... Sayu rocked you gently, her lips pressed against your temple.

"When I found out Light was Kira, I just... I had to leave. I'm so sorry. I scared you and Mom and Dad and everyone in our lives... I was so angry... so angry it made me scared."

This time, tears really did force their way down the bridge of your nose. You'd known Sayu since she was about two... she was the little sister you always wanted... you laughed sadly, remembering how you'd joke to Light that you'd totally steal her for yourself. She looked down at your with her doe-like eyes, her smile bright.

"It's okay," you sighed, slumping into her grip, "you don't have to feel angry."

Mikami would probably stop this meeting, but you were planning on taking any joy you possibly could.

"Oh, no," she chirped, "I was angry with you."

You stiffened, tilting your face to meet hers. She still had her beautiful and kind expression, but there was something else behind it. Your breath caught, your limbs trembling and you weren't sure if this was all you or if the drugs were enhancing your reactions.

"What?" You croaked.

"Y/n... you married L... it doesn't take a genius to figure out who's side you were on... Light was the smartest and kindest person I knew... if he believed becoming Kira was the only way to cleanse the world, then he _must've_ been right... but you just let him die... I don't even know how he died, but it must've been terrifying... and the fact that his best friend couldn't protect him... Hell, I wonder if you even cared about him." She added the last part with a crack in her voice.

"S-Say--"

Sayu turned her gaze away, smoothing down her hair. She debated something, her fingers twisting the fabric of her sleeves. 

"It took me years to build myself up in the Kingdom. But I told them I needed to find out the truth, and the deeper I got, I made a promise that would cement myself as their leader... then it all became a matter of using our members in prison to contact your parents. Your parents have sinned greatly... they were at the top of our hit list, and the only possible way they could repent and not die was by dropping you off... you, my dear, just agreed that Light Yagami was, in fact, Kira."

She looked at Mikami. His eyes were wide, his face painted in shock. Sayu tilted her head.

"See? Straight from the detective's mouth. I wasn't lying."

Mikami trembled as he bowed, his breathing heavy.

"You _are_... you are the Kami's Blood... we will follow you unquestioningly."

Your throat closed on you as you stared at her lips. Maybe this was a hallucination? Maybe she wasn't even here... yes... it could all just be your mind. But Sayu gently stood, sending you sliding back to the floor. You looked up at her, your eyes misting.

"I don't... I don't understand."

Sayu nodded towards Mikami. The man disappeared and when he came back, he had a chair for Sayu and a large, wicked machete. You started, scooting back, watching the machete warily. She leaned back in her chair, letting out a shuddering breath. 

"I really am sorry it has to be this way... please, Y/n. I don't want to hurt you, but for Light, I will... I have a theory, you see, I believe that at some point L was dead and somehow you managed to bring him back."

You stared, your heart racing.

"No. No one can be brought back from the dead." The words tumbled out of your mouth, the drugs making it harder to tell the lie straight. Sayu's gaze hardened.

"Oh? Well I found some evidence that prove contrary... I want Light back... and you're going to tell me everything I need to know."


	6. Accidents

_"It doesn't make sense," L mused, "why would one of the death notes burn to ash but not the other?"_

_"Because apparently Light is still trying to make our lives difficult from the other side," you grumbled, slapping the unburnt note with a poker._

_After realizing that Light hadn't died from his wounds but from the note, the eraser that had once been your salvation now felt like a looming threat. All five of you had made it a bit of an event, celebrating the official defeat of Kira while watching one of the two notes turn to dust... the festivities taking a hard pause when everyone realized the other note was just sitting there in the flames._

_Of course the book with Light's name was the one absolutely refusing to burn. No pages had curled or showed any signs of being destroyed. Matt took it out with gloves, trying to tear or rip the pages apart. He grunted as they resisted, as if laughing at him. Finally giving up, he tossed it to the ground. None of it was working. It was as if the damn book was indestructible. Mello roared in frustration, slamming the book open to Light's page. The four of you watched as he whipped out a gun, unloading a full clip. Matt gasped._

_" **DOWN!** "_

_Instinct took over and you tackled L. The two of you crashed and the rest dropped as the bullets ricocheted off the page, one whizzing past where L's head had been a second ago. His eyes widened, his skin going three shades paler as he stared at you. You let out a nervous laugh, both of your breathing heavy. His neck craned upwards as he pressed his warm lips to yours, a silent thank you._

_From somewhere behind you, a bird **plopped** down_. _No one moved a muscle, nerves still on high. Near whipped to face Mello, for the first time emotion excruciatingly clear on his face as he threw a lego at him._

_"You bloody **idiot**!"_

_"How was I supposed to know the goddamn **page** would **ricochet**?"_

_While they argued, you slowly got off L. He sat up, watching the flames intently. The crackling fire reflected in his silver eyes and made his face warm._

_"I don't understand it," he murmured, "The other note was able to burn and be torn and this one at one point was able to tear."_

_L fished the eraser out of his pocket, sighing._

_"I wonder if it can be burned or not--"_

_"I wouldn't do that if I were you," a voice cackled behind you._

_The two of you whirled to see Ryuk, the fire casting ominous shadows across his face. The boys stopped, gaping at the Shinigami. His lips were up in a permanent smile, his red eyes dancing. L glowered. You shot him a look and he mumbled to himself. As self-serving and greedy as the Shinigami was, you did feel a certain... obligation... just to be polite at least. After all, if he had never given you the eraser or had simply told Light about it... well, then again, if he had never dropped the death note in the first place... L bristled, crossing his arms._

_"Why not? Worried we might burn away your fun?'_

_Ryuk stared at him for a few seconds before chuckling._

_"You know what? You are so right. Go on. Burn the eraser."_

_You stepped between them, looking at Ryuk._

_"Ten apples."_

_His face lit up as he nodded enthusiastically. L rolled his eyes, but stayed quiet._

_"Let's say you and Elly here are on a cruise. The ship is the death note, okay? The eraser is the anchor and the harbor is the human world. The harsh winds are everything you're throwing at the note to destroy it, but the eraser is keeping it tethered to the human world. As long as the eraser exists, the note can't be hurt. The other note burned because an eraser was never used on its pages, ergo no tether to this world."_

_"So we **do** burn the eraser?" You asked, tilting your head._

_"I mean... you could. You could destroy the eraser, but remember you and L are still in the death note. Not in writing, but in the indentations on the page... in the streaks left behind. You're stuck forever on the ship. Get rid of the anchor, and, well..."_

_You blanched. L's eyes popped as he stuffed the eraser back in his pocket, shooting fugitive glances at the fire._

_"So to destroy the note, we need to destroy the eraser but destroying the eraser will kill the two of us?" He shifted forward, owlish eyes engulfing._

_Ryuk nodded, shrugging uninterestedly._

_"Look on the bright side. Your names are already in a note. That means you're immune to the book now."_

_You and L exchanged a look, not sure to be happy about the silver lining or pissed that the two of you would have to constantly worry about the threat of Light coming back. Feeling any particular way about it was pointless... what was done was done... all you could do was secure the note. You still turned a slightly annoyed glare on Ryuk._

_"You didn't think to tell me this when you gave it to me?"_

_The Shinigami threw back his head in uproarious laughter. It was a threatening sound that made you feel uneasy._

_"I didn't see a point. You would've used it anyway."_

* * *

There was no such thing as a truth serum, you knew that. But this thing running through your veins, it made you susceptible... like it was taking all your concentration to not let anything slip. Whenever she asked a question, you wanted to answer honestly, using all your energy to twist your words until you felt exhausted to the point where you could barely speak.

"There's no way," you tried saying confidently, your words having a slight slur. 

But your heart was racing uncomfortably. What if she found out? No... protocol demanded that if anyone was captured, the note and eraser would be transported to an unknown location... your lip trembled. It's okay... it'd be okay... but she'd never give up if she found out about the eraser... you knew she'd go through anyone to bring her brother back.

"How did he really die?"

When you didn't answer, she reached to the back of her waistband, pulling out a gun. Your breath hitched, your palms going sweaty. Sayu sighed, leaning forward.

"Fine. How did he kill?"

She stuck the gun out, eyes glinting dangerously. No... she wouldn't hurt you... Sayu was your friend... the little, wonderful, intelligent girl who teased her brother and always asked you questions... you looked at her in confusion, your mind too bogged to fully comprehend how she could've gone so dark. Her eyes narrowed, her gaze scathing.

"Okay. Who killed him? If you don't answer this one, I'll hunt down everyone you love, one by one."

Did she even know who you loved? You swayed, desperately wishing you could focus. You bit your lip, considering. Sayu was scanning you harshly, her expression analyzing. A part of you was tempted to lie, but her nostrils were flaring, her face set. No. She had to hear the truth. And she'd catch onto and tear any lie to pieces. You met her eyes, forcing yourself to be calm.

"Your brother was a monster," you replied evenly, sandpaper in your mouth, "I killed him. So if you want to take your anger out on anyone, it's me, but I need you to know... I killed him _because_ I was his friend. What I did was an act of mercy." You spat the last part, chest heaving.

Sayu's mouth fell open. Her eyes sparked in rage as she pressed the gun to your temple. You closed your eyes, feeling the cool metal against your skin. Her next words came out in a low hiss that sent chills down your spine.

"Light could never be a monster. If he felt becoming Kira was necessary, I trust him... unlike you, I won't turn my back on him."

You didn't answer. She dragged the gun across your jaw, forcing your face upwards.

"You're going to help me bring him back," she whispered.

Your heartbeat felt like a booming drum. No. Sayu didn't even know about the note, much less the eraser. All she knew was that Light and Kira were the same person. _Just stop. Play dumb_.

"Sayu... he's dead... there's no-"

"I think it's possible," she cut off cooly.

Before you could ask her what she meant, she strode over to the chair, sitting down methodically, her eyes frigid.

"I've thought about it a lot. My brother was not some supernatural being. There had to be something he was using or something that gave him his power. It stands to reason that such a thing exists, I can't rule out the possibility of something that can bring back people from the dead. But of course, such a thing would still be highly unlikely. You see, I may look very stupid and quiet, but I can keep my ears open."

She leaned forward, her eyes narrowing.

"I wanted to find out the truth, so I tracked everyone's movements up to months before Light's death. Everyone was pretty steady and limited in where they went... except for you. Light told me you'd gone to visit family, but now I was having my doubts. We hacked into your bank records and saw you'd taken out a rather large amount of money from your account and bought plane tickets. That was odd to me, as if you were trying to minimize your card's digital trail. But why? If Light knew that you were traveling, why would you feel the need to purchase tickets with cash? After a little more digging, I realized it was enough money for two tickets, and an extra thousand of spending cash to convert into pounds. You had even more money transferred to a separate account from an inheritance you received under what turned out to be an alias."

She smirked at your expression, "the story you told him was that you were going to visit family, right? The very fact that you were traveling with someone else is suspicious in and of itself, but the fact that you paid for _both_ your tickets? Surely you understand, I was curious where this 'family' of yours resided. Imagine my surprise checking the international airport when I found you were going to England... and apparently you don't have family in that country. Strange, wouldn't you say?"

Your moth felt dry as she continued.

"Next was a matter of acquiring the plane's manifesto. Sitting next to you was a British woman named Sally Fields, and a man under the name Asahi Nakamura. Sally was an open book, a simple web search pretty much gave her occupation, home address and almost everything about her. But here's the interesting part... we tried to do a background check on the Asahi Nakamura specifically on that plane... by all means, he doesn't exist... there were no records of an Asahi Nakamura buying a ticket online, and according to the airline, you were the only one who paid cash... somehow you managed to fake a passport and get a man who has no identity onto an international flight. Not just anyone can do that."

You hadn't even realized you'd been shaking. Sayu leaned back in her chair, eyes glinting.

"The average cost for a fake passport is approximately 13k in U.S. dollars but the fact that Light was so closely tied to the Japanese police meant you couldn't risk the fake being found out and being detained, so you paid a lot more to make it the most authentic fake possible from your anonymous account. And indeed, you'd be surprised what people are willing to tell you when the Kingdom stands behind you... a very popular passport dealer got paid double for the best passport possible from the buyer 'Y'. A little tracing led me to your _gasp_ anonymous account! 

But the passport was for Nakamura, why would you care about Light coming to investigate a faked ID? If Nakamura was simply a new person gunning to be the 3rd L, you could've spun some story about why you were traveling with a stranger. Or you could've found a way to distance yourself from Nakamura and Light wouldn't have taken notice. But what if he wasn't a stranger? It would make sense for you to spend so much extra on a fake passport if Light already knew Nakamura's face and that was why you put so much effort into the passport..."

"Sayu..." your voice sounded raspy to you. She went on as if she couldn't hear you.

"So this Nakamura person was important enough for you to take out such a large sum from your dead lover's will to go to England. The trail ran a bit cold, so I can't exactly tell you what happened there... I believe Nakamura and L are the same person, but I don't believe he faked his death. For one, Light was convinced he was gone, and if there had been any doubt whatsoever, like a missing body or one so mangled beyond identification, I doubt Kira would become so relaxed. Not to mention, L would've been in hiding for 5 **_years_**? If he was just in hiding, he'd really let Kira spearhead the investigation and leave you alone suffering?... I saw it in Light's demeanor, you know... when L was around, he was very careful and tense and I noticed he never messed up on anything, not even every-day tasks... as if he was worried one slip up could lead to a domino effect. No. I knew him. He wouldn't be satisfied until he was 100% sure L was dead. So I believe in the deepest part of my heart that L **_was_** dead... and you somehow brought him back... and this place you were going to in England... no doubt they heard about L's death and severed any communication or identification ties to Japan. Meaning L couldn't contact them, so he had no way to safely get to England and had to use a fake passport."

Your breathing felt labored, your chest heavy. How?... the two of you had been so careful... she had a triumphant glare, burning amber so eerily similar to Light... Her voice was low, dangerous... so different from the kind-hearted girl you knew.

"Something else very interesting... it should be easy for us to get your marriage record, but alas... not so. We still haven't gotten a concrete answer on your current husband's name. That's pretty suspicious, wouldn't you say? As for the building your detective agency operates in, our people couldn't even get close. It really says a lot about your security. But tell me if my hunch is correct, is this L? He's the oldest of the men we've seen so far. Of course he looks a bit different, but the resemblance to Nakamura's passport picture is still quite uncanny."

You blinked as she held out a very faraway picture. But there was no mistaking the wild bedhead. In 'Nakamura's' picture, the two of you had managed to tame his hair down, gave him dark brown contacts and had even applied some makeup to give him a more fleshed out tone. You were trembling so much now, fear shuddering over you and passing through you like a wave. Sayu smirked satisfactorily.

"Tell me how you brought him back."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," but it sounded unconvincing.

Sayu's eyes sparked. She glanced over at Mikami.

"This could take a while... too long if L's already on our trail... we need to trip him up..." her mouth gaped slowly, her eyes darting as she sighed heavily, "I wouldn't say blackmail works on L... but let's send him a gift. Attach a note that if he doesn't stop investigating, he'll receive more presents... and if he does stop, she'll be dropped somewhere as unharmed as her personal resistance to interrogation allows. He won't listen, but it'll buy us some time."

Mikami nodded, holding up his machete. You gasped, scrambling until your back hit the wall. He grabbed for your hand, but you stubbornly tried to keep it away.

"You really think disobedience is your best option?" He growled.

You snarled. He wrenched your hand on the floor, prying your fingers until they were spread. He lightly tapped your ring finger.

"Keep this one extended. You can curl the other ones to avoid any accidents."

Fear made you choke, a cry gathering in your throat. You wanted to appear stoic and strong, but you found yourself blubbering, your eyes the widest they'd ever been.

"N-n--"

"Accidents. I won't warn you again."

Your body begged you not to, but you forced yourself to curl in your other fingers, leaving your ring finger out. Your wedding band glinted pleadingly, your face reflecting in your engagement ring. You screwed your eyes shut, not wanting to see, but that almost made it worse. You risked a peek, your chest squeezing uncomfortably. Mikami bowed his head, positioning his machete just above your knuckle. A cry caught in your throat as he swung it up, desperately wanting to but not being able to look away.

Your scream shredded your vocal cords.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a long and challenging chapter on so many levels. Big shock, it's hard writing for a character who's supposed to be smarter than you (my search history for things like "can you buy a plane ticket with cash" and "how much does a fake passport cost" is also going to raise some eyebrows) Let me know if Sayu's deduction made sense, feedback is always appreciated :)


	7. Memories

L's perspective

All four of us were working silently, fingers flying as we tried accessing anything that could help... street cameras, cameras from nearby buildings, her parents' financial records... they'd gone off the grid, but I'd find them... they knew where she was, who had her... Mello paused and stretched, rushing to replenish his chocolate. 

He ran back inside, his turquoise eyes small and terrified.

"L!" He cried, a small box clutched in his hand.

I stared at it, my stomach doing rolls. It was so small and seemingly innocent, but the hairs all over my body stood straight. Mello opened it with trembling hands and we all crowded around. Matt turned away, vomiting. Near inhaled sharply, his body swaying. Her finger... still wearing its ring... and a little note... my nostrils flared. They all looked at me, their faces twisted in fear as they silently begged for a direction to go. I was frozen, staring at the dried blood caking the end of the finger.

My vision was swimming, everything crashing around me. She was being tortured... I knew a thing or two about torture... Hell, I'd _been_ tor--... I pushed the memories stubbornly out of my mind. That was a long time ago... I slumped over to the chair, my mind trying to snap into work-mode. But the laser-focus I had was completely disrupted, unable to stop picturing the finger... Was this what they intended? To send me spiraling so I couldn't focus on the case? It was working... I furrowed my brow, trying to quietly throw myself into the investigation. No. I couldn't afford to feel anything. These types of emotions... the ones that stopped from doing what needed to be done... they were just a distraction...

I knew they were staring at me worriedly, unnerved by my lack of a response. My fingers shook as I continued typing. 

"Mello, please properly store it. It's been reported a limb can survive up to four days. She won't be gone that long."

He started, staring at me. I met his gaze evenly, but inside my body, everything felt like it was shattering and colliding. I didn't want to see it again... a part of me wanted to curl up under a table or shrivel in the chair. Mello examined my eyes, nodding slightly as he left. Matt and Near looked at each other. I turned my attention to Near.

"Initiate the note's and eraser's transportation to separate locations."

Yes. This was good. I was being productive. Everything would be... fine... Near gave a short nod. Matt watched me. Before he could say anything, I held up a hand.

"Please revisit the eatery. Take some more interviews, see if anyone remembers anything more."

Matt gaped, still looking like he was going to speak. _Please don't._.. Near gently tugged on his sleeve, and Matt conceded. I didn't say anything as they left.

Now that I was alone, the silence was deafening. My head hung, different memories forcing their way up my mind. _The case... just work on the case.._. But those fingers running through my hair... her fingers... piano, entwining, typing... **_The case! Stop thinking about it_**! The way she gasped when I touched her in the right ways, her teasing, beautiful laugh... **_DON'T THINK ABOUT IT_**! I heaved, curling in on myself. Fuck. All I could see was her _face_. Her kind, shining eyes... her light voice, her singing which complimented her piano... **No! I don't want to think about it! I don't want to think about her! NO**! A yell tore my throat as I tried to push it all down, my fingers digging into my scalp, trying to use the pain as a distraction.

Fuck, I didn't want to think about her...

_We were on a secluded beach in Greece, celebrating our first case as officially jointed detective agency partners. It was also the first case since Kira, and I could remember how nervous she'd been. But she was magnificent, proving herself a worthy partner... both in business and... my throat caught picturing her laugh._

_"That was so exciting!" She squealed, running circles in the sand._

_Y/n raced out into the water, giggling lightly as she dunked. I hesitated on the shore, glancing at the waves warily._

_"Come on," she goaded teasingly, "don't tell me the Fearless Detective L is afraid of a little water."_

_My brow wiggled as I rushed in after her, splashing her. Y/n spat out the water as she dunked down. It was so clear I could see easily and she motioned for me to join her. I nodded, holding my breath as the world around me became blue and her hair spread around her face. We looked at each other until my lungs were burning but I narrowed my eyes competitively and she did it back. Finally, she couldn't hold her breath anymore and floated up, her face breaking the surface. I did the same, sticking out my tongue victoriously as droplets fell from her features. Y/n pouted, but there was a playful gleam behind her irises._

_She sighed contentedly, the water gently lapping around her face. I pulled her close, our breaths mixing as she tugged onto my shoulders._

_"I can't believe we did that," she murmured, "solving cases is so... exhilarating."_

_Y/n had no idea how happy that made me. A part of me had thought that once the Kira case was over, that'd be it. We stayed at Wammy's for about a year before Interpol asked if we would solve what they were calling the Santorini Ripper. I'd been ready to turn it down, but she told me she was intrigued... that she wanted to investigate it with me... together..._

_And the fact that she found it so thrilling, that it made her want to keep going sent a shiver up my spine. We kissed in the water, her lips salty. She tugged at my shirt, now billowing around my thin body._

_"We have to get back to the hotel," she sighed, her fingers riding up my shirt, feeling over my chest._

_I readily agreed, my hand snaking around the the small of her back. She threw her head back, her hair dipping into the water as her mouth popped open. I was licking her windpipe, enjoying the way it bobbed in anticipation against my tongue. I continued kissing lower, desperately wishing I could just get her top off. She moaned, her wet fingers sliding through my hair. In the water, my tangles were a mat around my face. Her cool air blew across my ear as she spoke._

_"Thank you_."

_I drew back in surprise, cocking my head curiously._

_"For what?"_

_Y/n's eyes twinkled as she twirled a lock of my sopping hair between her fingers._

_"Clarity. People told me I'd never amount to much... At one point, I was planning on being a doctor or lawyer or something impressive just to stick it to them," she chuckled lightly, her laugh leaving goosebumps on my skin, "but I knew I hadn't found my calling... so thank you... I wouldn't exchange this life for anything..." her smile warmed my chest, "I love you."_

How thankful was she now? I was vaguely aware of a strangled sound leaving my throat as the memories surged, laughing at my resistance. And before I knew or could register it, I was horizontal on the floor, a ball, the memories drowning me.

* * *

"Oh, how about you go fuck yourself?" You snapped bitterly.

Sayu glared at you, her arms crossed. She got up, slowly walking circles around you. You coughed, blood rising up. A few of your teeth had been knocked in, cuts adorned your arms, and you had the beginnings of a black eye. You met her eyes evenly as she spoke.

"I don't see why you're giving me such a hard time... Kira is justice... you don't care about justice?"

"Not if it's your kind, Bitch," you spat.

She glared at you. Mikami stood off to the side, a long knife in hand. The blade was slick with your blood. You quickly looked away, trying not to focus on it. Sayu had gone insane... you wondered if she was always like that or if was just guilt from knowing about her brother. You almost laughed. Either way... you guessed crazy ran in the family...

"Kira was a god... my brother was a god... what other kind of justice is there?" She asked reverently.

You stared at her. A part of your mind hated her, wanted to see her dead, but another part desperately wished you could've given her the help she desperately needed... you sighed, closing your eyes. You were still seeing her as a little girl, the little sister you always wanted. 

"291, 186."

She tilted her head you chuckled wryly.

"That's how many people Light killed. Only Light. Misa murdered 96, 873..."

You leaned against the wall, the drugs in your system already beckoning you to sleep.

"He was... evil," you murmured.

Sayu gasped and your eyes shot open. Mikami was stalking over to you, his eyes glowering. Sayu ran at him but he shot her a glare and she backed down. Your brow furrowed, fear mixing with confusion. Wasn't... wasn't Sayu in charge? You groaned, trying to concentrate as Mikami pressed his knife against your chest.

"Say that again about Kami!"

You trembled, your eyes wide. Sayu stood on the other side, gaping as Mikami's eyes narrowed spitefully, moving the knife calculatingly.

Your heart seized as he moved the knife's tip to your chest, between your cleavage and throat. Pain seared your skin as he dragged it down, his brow hard in concentration. Your eyesight went blurry, watching large drops of scarlet blood fall to the floor. You bit down on your lip, trying to stop yourself from being too audible, but _damn_. It sent your mind spiraling as you finally ripped loose a cry. Your throat was already hoarse as it was. It was like your vocal cords simply blew out on you, and your screaming came out breathy and quiet.

He kept going, uninterested, until he stepped back, examining his work. Your skin was on fire, the pain making it hard to even breathe, let alone think... but you were sure he'd just carved _Kira_ across your chest... Sayu's eyes flickered, and for just a second, you thought you could see guilt. You weren't sure if it was actually there or your brain desperate to find some ounce of compassion in her face. She moved towards you, sighing heavily.

"I'm sorry it had to be this way. When you're bad or disobedient, I can't exactly stop Mikami, you see..."

Can't stop him when you're bad. Her words wormed into your ear... bad... disobedient... is that why this happened? Tears stung the back of your eyes as you shook your head. Sayu gave you a gentle smile. It was kind... it made you quiver as you gazed at her pleadingly. You tried to speak, but the words were muted, so torn that they were difficult to understand. She glared at Mikami, eyes glinting.

"How dare you be so cruel to my friend?"

No... no, it was all a lie. It couldn't be true. But your mind was shaking, her words repeating. Friend... her friend... you threw your head against the wall, sweat dripping down your forehead. Was it a lie? What if Mikami really was the villain? No. Concentrate. Your mouth felt dry as she knelt in front of you.

"Y/n, listen. I can protect you, but you need to talk to me."

The blood streamed down your skin, trailing over your arms and dripping into your hand. Sayu paused, waiting for the answer, and you realized you hadn't been listening to the question. You felt unfocused, a sudden shiver of fear rushing through you that she'd hurt you again... no, that Mikami would hurt you again... but she gave the order... didn't she? You whimpered, your chest burning and scrambling your thoughts even more than they already were.

But to your eternal gratitude, you passed out.


	8. Flawed Perfection

" _Y/n! Psst, Y/n!_ "

Your eyes fluttered open. Your entire body was aching, the hardness of the floor giving you a constant dull pain. The only light in the room came from a small window about ten feet off the ground, allowing just a sliver of moonlight to shine in. Glancing around, you gasped. L was standing by the door, crouched and peeking through a hole in the wood. How long had it been since you'd been taken? 9 days? 10 days? Something along those lines... but it felt like so much longer... you melted, beaming as you took in his crumpled appearance, his set jaw and calculating features. A surge of emotions welled up. L came for you... He glanced at you, his lips up in a small smile.

"Thank God... the boys are outside right now... don't worry, we're going to get you out of here."

A grin crossed your lips as you struggled to a sitting position, grunting as your wounds screamed. When he saw you having a hard time, he crossed over to help, pausing as he noticed the _Kira_ carved into your chest. You looked at his expression, your heart plunging down. On his face, you could see so many emotions flickering, from sadness to anger... settling on disgust. Disgust... at you...

"You're damaged," he whispered.

You shivered. The wound had scabbed, but it still stung, making a dark, almost black name across your skin. L took a step back, and your throat closed on you. He was staring down scathingly, bitter and hate-filled.

"What's wrong with you?" He breathed, stepping backwards into the shadows, his nose wrinkling, "you're disgusting..."

Fear pounded your heart as you tried running towards him.

"Wait, L! I-I'm sorry! I-I-"

The chains jerked you back to the floor. You yelped as you hit the ground hard, your temple smashing into the concrete. Pain flared up, and you were aware of blood running from your face and dripping down. You stayed there, unable to move as the world spun around you. Concussion? Probably. 

"L," you moaned, trying to slide back up.

You failed, falling back down, twisting your head to the shadows. Strong emotions rocked through your core as you sobbed.

"L! Please don't leave me! Oh, God, L! **_L_**! I'm begging you! Please don't go!"

The chain bit into your skin as you pulled towards the shadows. L actually stopped moving back, his eyes cold as he stared at you. He tilted his head curiously, a taunting smirk playing at his lips. You shook, watching him with wide eyes.

"You know, you'd think you'd be more used to people abandoning and betraying you," he sighed.

The words crashed through you. L walked back into the light, pacing around you slowly, smiling darkly.

"Everyone's just used you to get something they want... why would I be any different?"

"B-because you love me," but you could hear how small and unsure your voice was.

L tugged at his lip thoughtfully, leaning against the other wall. His gaze was contemptuous and it made you shrink, the harsh pain in your head making your vision swim.

"Intriguing. Because I told you I loved you? A lot of people have told you they loved you, in one way or another. Your parents' familial love, Light's friendly love, Sayu's sibling love, you've been burned by all of it, every single person showing how their love wasn't genuine... Sayu doesn't know what she's looking for, but she's smart enough to know the two of us would have made a contingency plan for this exact situation... she needs you. It's not love," He chuckled darkly, his eyes glowing silver, "but you know it's not a question of if you'll break, but when. Admit it, Y/n, you can feel your mind slipping."

So many days had passed and you didn't want to think about it anymore. He knelt in front of you, taking your chin between his fingers, forcing you to meet his face. You shivered, marveling at how real they felt.

"We both know you can't hold out for too much longer. When it comes to mind games like these, you know it's not a question of if you'll break or of if you'll develop Stockholm syndrome... but when. I'm curious, Y/n, when will that be?"

No... no... you could fight it. These tactics Sayu was using to make you trust and want to do her bidding... using Mikami as a scapegoat... but you found your head hanging, tears slipping down the bridge of your nose. Your entire body hurt. You just wanted it over with. A part of you didn't even mind giving yourself completely to Sayu. If it meant you didn't have to feel so alone and empty... manipulative company was still better than no company, right? L leaned into your ear and you swore you could feel his breath across your skin.

"I suppose romantic love is the final nail in the coffin to prove it."

You blinked, not caring that your wrists were now bleeding.

"Prove... what?"

L's eyes met yours, practically glowing in the moonlight.

"That you're unloveable. That the only way you'll ever get anyone to love you is by doing what they want." 

You were breathing heavily, your eyes screwed shut. Was that why this was all happening to you? It made sense... you looked up to try and reason with him. But he had melted into the darkness. You paused, your mind trying to get its grasp back on reality. A hallucination... that's all it was... even though it was gone, the fear lingered... the idea that he might think you were just damaged... that you'd always look different in his eyes... that he might... you swallowed... that he might not love you anymore. You slumped against the wall, gingerly poking at the carving. Every poke was like someone jamming a hot rod through your chest, but you didn't care.

In fact, you welcomed the pain. You'd felt so much of it, you'd gotten used to it. Almost as if you didn't know how to feel without it... you shrank into the wall, feeling a strange mixture of hot and cold.

Was this because you'd been disobedient? 

You pushed the thought away. Stockholm syndrome. Brainwashing. Too many names... You chuckled dryly, as if you'd just thought of the funniest joke. Exhausted, your eyes slipped, your mind escaping. 

When you woke up, you had a pounding headache, but your brow was furrowed. A resolve you hadn't expected had flared up... a shred of resistance. You had to get away...

Glancing around, you cursed. There was absolutely nothing to use or escape with. You pulled at the chains, wincing when you saw the red marks around your wrist. The sun was still low... it would still be a couple of hours before Sayu visited. Pulling desperately at the chains, you roared in fury. Inhaling deeply, you settled. Soon they'd come to take you to the bathroom. It was the only time you were allowed outside of the cell, but they kept your wrists cuffed and you were always accompanied by at least 3 large guards. More depending on... how disobedient... you were showing to be. A shiver ran through you, a small voice whispering in your ear.

 _"What are you doing? You can't go against her! She'll punish you... don't you like her when she's happy?_ "

You did like her when she was happy... her smile always brightened the room and you could feel yourself getting lost in it. Shaking your head, you forced yourself to focus back on the task at hand. There was no way you could escape... but you could feel your mind slipping, slowly sliding away... if you didn't try something, you were positive you'd go insane...

To your shock, Sayu came instead of the guards, wearing a flowing white dress and a flower ring on her head. She smiled and your knees buckled, watching her warily.

"You seem... to be in a pleasant mood," you said slowly.

"Mikami was so mean to you," she lamented. A part of you agreed. Mikami was a... mean man... "I thought you might enjoy a day together! Provided you're good, of course..."

A day... you squinted suspiciously as she stepped forward. Behind her were two guards, standing in the doorway. Hm, you supposed you'd be severely hurt if you did anything to her... she held out something and you blinked. W-was that... hot chocolate? Your eyes glazed over, not even realizing how much you'd missed the taste of sugar. Blinking, you shook your head stubbornly.

"It's drugged," you realized, pressing yourself against the wall.

Sayu shrugged.

"Look, you can either drink it and just have a day off... or you can refuse and I can take away your bathroom privileges and restart the interrogation."

Your eyes misted. The resistance wavered, dropping deep into the pit of your stomach as you shrank. Sayu grinned triumphantly at your defeated expression. She motioned for you to tip your head back as you slowly drank it, blowing on it every once in a while. The familiar head-clouding feeling took over and your head lolled forward. A part of you was ashamed to admit it but you found that you... liked... the feeling of the drug. And the relief you felt at having your mind cloud was equally alarming. The guards finally removed the chains and you dazedly felt over your wrists. They were bad, and painful, but it was also freeing... Sayu took your hand, gently leading you out of the cell.

"How long..." you slurred.

"11 days." 

You nodded as she led you into a courtyard, completely closed in by high, slick walls. A gasp built up in your chest. 11 days since you'd stepped outside... the air was so fresh... it was so calming and beautiful and the _sun_... it warmed your bones in a way you'd forgotten it could... Your eyes flicked to the walls, trying to see how you could get over them. There weren't any footholds and they were much too high to just jump and grab. Sayu's other main lackey Takada put a wreath of flowers in your hair and you flinched, thinking for a second she'd hurt you. Takada tilted her head, flashing a serene grin. Sayu beamed, holding out a bowl of melted ice cream. You watched her warily.

"We can't give you a spoon, but here!"

It was a struggle to tip the bowl back, but your eyes lidded. Pure ice cream, no drugs, no tricks. And your favorite flavor... of course Sayu remembered. You staggered back, staring at her incredulously. Giggling, one of the members brought Sayu a comb. You were breathing heavily as she gently and tenderly passed it through your hair.

"See? This is all nice."

You nodded. Sayu was nice... she was good...you shook your head, shuddering. No... you couldn't start thinking that way... But Sayu hugged you. A scream caught in your throat, but the hug wasn't malicious. Your body slowly relaxed, physical contact feeling strange.

"Come on!" She chirped, "let's hang out!"

Yes... you'd like that... you sighed longingly, picturing her as the young girl you loved. Always looking up to Light but treating you like a sister.

Before you could even register how wrong all of this felt, you sat with her. Flowers... how could you never have noticed how soft they were... you closed your eyes, passing your hands over the gentle petals. You smiled, the first one'd you'd given in days.

Sayu refilled the bowl. Everything was so perfect, so sweet, so... you paused mid-chug. Everything was too perfect. Light flashed through your mind. How perfect he made everything seem. You stared at Sayu, your heart cracking. Maybe she was just born like her brother after all... you fought against the drugs' influence, gathering up your mind the best you could. The resistance was still swirling in the pit of your stomach.

Howling, you smashed the bowl across her face.

Sayu cried out, crumpling. All around you, you could hear the guards running and yelling. All you could see was red as you straddled her, repeatedly hitting her with the bowl, earning an **immensely** satisfying crunch and her nose going into an odd angle. Mikami wrapped his arms around you, quickly picking you up off of her. You snapped death wishes and before Mikami could wrestle the bowl out of your hand, you threw it at her. It bounced off her head and she fell back, moaning. 

She clutched at her nose, gasping as her hand went to a quick-forming welt on her forehead. Sayu glared at you, her irises fire. You met them challengingly, but the adrenaline was sapping from your muscles. The exhaustion the drug brought was coming on fast, and it was getting harder to focus on her seething eyes. She turned slowly to see all her subordinates staring at her, her eyes narrowing. Looking at Mikami, she glowered.

"She attacked the Kami's Blood... I need that information... just don't kill her." 


	9. An Open Book

I stood in the shadows, my nose wrinkling. My fingers were in my pockets, running absently over her rings. Her parents were loading their car, preparing to jump to another crappy motel. M/n turned around, her mouth popping open in surprise. Before she could make a sound though, I ducked down, my foot colliding with her chin. She yelped, crumpling and massaging the area. D/n whirled, gasping as he knelt next to her. He looked up at me, his face painted in apprehension.

"L! My boy! How are you do-"

I whipped out my pistol and shot his leg. He roared, grabbing at it, his eyes wide as he glared at me.

"You're crazy!"

"No, _we're_ crazy," Matt corrected.

M/n and D/n turned to see Matt lounging lazily in the drivers seat of the getaway, a smoking cigarette hanging from his lips. Near sat cross-legged on the hood, squishing and stretching puppet versions of the two of them. Mello leaned against the other side of the car, methodically fondling his much larger than my gun, his eyes sparked with bloodlust. M/n trembled, looking between us before settling her eyes on me. I scowled at her desperate expression, crouching down in front of them, sweeping the pistol between them.

"We didn't have a choice!" She sobbed.

D/n whirled to face her, his breathing heavy, "shut up!"

"No, D/n... we, um... we had to... if we refused, they would've killed us and found someone else to get her."

D/n quivered, blubbering.

"Y-yeah... besides, if it wasn't us getting her, God knows who would've! She probably wouldn't have arrived in one piece. She could've been raped, o-or hurt really badly! _W-we did her a favor_!"

Favor... **FAVOR**? My eyes went icy and Mello pointed his gun in their direction, his face contorting in rage. 

"Say that again. I dare you," Matt growled from his position. 

Near's eyes narrowed as he threw his little puppet, the thing bouncing off D/n's forehead. I pushed my pistol a little more forcefully towards D/n's neck, a deep creature howling in the pit of my stomach.

"You want to know what your _favor_ has gotten her?" I seethed, my voice quiet and venomous.

Out of my other pocket, I took out the small box, tossing it at their feet. They trembled, not picking it up.

"Look at it," I snarled, "you might as well have it... it's been 22 days... it's useless... just a lump of dead flesh."

M/n slowly picked it up, shrieking as she dropped it, the finger rolling out onto the pavement. My nostrils flared, a deep scathing hatred pulsing through my body. D/n was staring at it in shock while M/n whimpered loudly, burying her face in her hands.

"Please don't kill us," she cried.

D/n's eyes darted, settling on the boys.

"T-this doesn't concern you! Just leave us _alone_!"

Near crushed his puppets. His eyes narrowed.

"Y/n might as well have grown up with us... I guess she just slipped under Quilish's radar... but when you mess with one of us, it _becomes_ our concern."

I nodded at that. It was true. We looked out for our own. It wasn't too hard imagining her as a little girl playing in Wammy's courtyards. A wistful smile almost crossed my lips picturing a younger version of her curled up in the orphanage's library, buried under a blanket and even though Wammy didn't allow food or drink in there, she'd probably try to sneak in some hot chocolate when it was cold outside... I chewed my lip at the image, a tug in my heart. I gently dragged the barrel of my gun along D/n's jaw, running it down his throat. When he swallowed, it was obstructed by the gun.

"You're going to tell me everything."

I didn't need to add a threat. M/n pointed a shaky finger in my direction, her face a myriad of emotions.

"Why'd you have to make her a detective? She lived a perfectly happy life before she met _you_! It's _your_ fault the Kingdom was after her!"

The Kingdom? My fault? I froze, watching her incredulously.

"You knew," I growled, "you knew she was married... you knew... you knew she went after Kira? How?"

Her face confirmed it. M/n inhaled slowly.

"There were a bunch of Kingdom members in prison with us, most of them still in contact with the outside world. They told us that she was closely associated with L... so we didn't know she was married per se, but that she was there for Kira's death and had important information."

There for Kira's death... if someone knew she was there, they must've also known Light was Kira... I went over the list of people in my head who knew... settling on the Yagami's. Soichiro would never. Sayu... was it possible? I glared at them.

"L, please understand--"

"Shut up," I barked, glowering.

Disgusting. Humans were truly deceptive, greedy, self-serving... I hadn't even realized I'd pressed the gun harder into his neck. Blinking, I slowly retracted, but kept it trained. This was the scum Light had been so desperate to erase... I could see why. If it hadn't been illegal, if it wouldn't have crushed Y/n... I probably would've shot them right here and now. 

"You have your daughter to thank for your lives right now..."

My eyes narrowed, analyzing exactly how I would've treated them at one time. They'd gone quiet, holding onto their arms. In the distance, I could hear police sirens. No. I wanted them detained in the building. I wanted them near me, in the only room where I knew they'd never see the light of day again. Besides, they weren't my parents... it wasn't up to me to decide what to do with them... but I could hold them... keep them leashed. I sighed heavily, twisting the gun and subsequently the skin on his throat. My voice was low, telling them exactly how far I was willing to go if they tried slipping away...

"Where is she?"

* * *

Everything felt dead. Cold and numb. You were curled up on the floor, letting its coolness seep into your bones. Were you shaking? You couldn't tell. There'd been so much... from electrocution to Mikami stabbing you under your fingernails. There were healing gashes everywhere, rope burns around your throat and large welts covering your face. Sayu shook her head sadly and as the days passed, you felt more and more ashamed whenever she gave that disappointed gaze... and now you felt torn, both physically and mentally. 

After a failed escape attempt, the torture had just increased in intensity, down to waterboarding...Your throat was still raw from the mix of screaming and coughing. You sniffed, the cold plus the water making you sick.

As Mikami brought you dinner, you didn't even try fighting... You were getting used to the feeling of being permanently between states of awake and asleep. Your vision blurred as you slumped against the wall, trying to focus on his face. He shrugged helplessly.

"Maybe if you hadn't been disobedient, this wouldn't be happening."

A whimper rose up your chest. If you hadn't... your mind felt groggy, a cry building. When you were good, they were actually nice to you, bringing you better food, a clean change of clothing. You scratched at your scalp, your mind feeling so fractured. You liked when they were kind to you... when they smiled and treated you nicely... why did you try to escape? Mikami knelt next to you.

"If you tell me how you brought L back, you can have almost anything you want."

Anything? Your mouth felt dry. Surely it wasn't that big of a deal, right? You opened your mouth, but something held you back, and you quickly clamped your jaws shut, swaying. 

"It's impossible to bring Light back," you said the lie again and again, but Sayu didn't believe it.

The door swung open and she stepped through. She made a show of appearing shocked to see Mikami.

"Are you hurting her?" She yelled, angrily pointing a finger, "get out! She doesn't deserve this cruel treatment!"

A shudder passed through you as he left, and she gently sat next to you. 

"It's okay," she whispered, "I won't let anyone hurt you."

You smiled serenely. Sayu was good. She was kind. She made the mean man go away. You pressed your head against her shoulder, allowing yourself to break down crying. It all hurt, there was nothing you could focus on but the pain.

"I'm so sorry," you sobbed through the tears, "I've been bad."

"I know, I know," she murmured comfortingly, stroking your hair gently, "You have to repent."

"I have... I have to repent," you breathed, your head resting on her shoulder, your eyes glued to the floor.

You looked up at her, seeing her beautiful doe-like eyes and beaming smile.

"You're good?"

"Yes, Y/n... I'm good."

You pressed a hand against your head, the world spinning and tipping dangerously. Sayu leaned in, pulling you into a hug. At first, you stiffened, expecting some kind of punishment. But when there wasn't one, you sagged.

"Will you tell the good girl how you brought L back?"

"No," you rasped, an unexpected flame roaring in the pit of your stomach, "go to Hell... Oh, wait. You'll just go to nothingness."

A shrill laugh made all your insides burn. She looked at the ground sadly, devastated.

"I'm sorry I can't protect you from Mikami right now," she whispered, "I can only protect you if you help me..."

The implication brought your laughter to a screeching halt. You searched her face, the color draining out of yours.

"No," you moaned, "please..."

"I'm sorry," she lamented again, standing.

The sudden lack of her body heat brought the cold again. Panic flooded your system. You shook your head, looking down at the floor just as you felt a hard punch land on your temple. You crumpled, too tired to fight as he kicked you. By the time he was finished, you could see bruises forming along your arms, legs and torso. You let out a sound you couldn't even identify... it sounded so inhuman...

Mikami came back with a hot knife. The metal ran red under the heat. Your eyes widened as you let out a string of incoherent pleas. You tried to crawl away, but he'd kicked you so badly that it hurt just to move. He pressed the flat of the blade against your back and you released an agonized yell. **_Oh, God_**. This had to be Hell... it seared your flesh so hard you could smell your skin burning. You threw back your head, losing any ability at all to form coherent thought. You clawed at the ground, rocks biting into the palms of your hands. 

"The eraser!" You shrieked.

Sayu perked up, motioning for Mikami to stop. You collapsed, tears streaming down your cheeks. The lump was so heavy that you couldn't speak. You shivered, not being able to move.

"Light," you panted, quivering, not thinking or caring about your words, "a notebook that kills whoever's name is in it-"

An aftershock of pain washed over you and you shriveled, curling into a ball under their gaze. Was that what she wanted? Beneath it all, you had this... sick... desire to see Sayu _smile_. Her smile was warm and kind. She was good. Yes... she was the one who got rid of the mean man...

"Eraser..." you mumbled, "back to... li..."

"Back to life," Sayu finished in awe.

The last thing you saw before blacking out was her hand tenderly tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear.

To your shock, you woke up in a bed, several nurses doting over you. Your brow was covered in sweat which they wiped away, but you didn't react. You shut down, staring at the edge of the bed quietly. Huh. So you'd been extra good and had gotten extra rewarded... Sayu bounced into the infirmary, giving a chipper grin. Wow, had you really been that good? You trembled seeing her smile, your own lighting up your features. It fell off her face and you whimpered. You'd do anything to see it again.

"Y/n... you've been amazing." Was it true? You squirmed excitedly at the compliment, "there's just some more things I need."

"Anything!"

"Where can I find Light's page... and where can I find the eraser?"

You chewed your lip regretfully. A part of you expected to want to resist, but you were done.

"Everything hurts," you whispered.

Sayu tilted her face, her eyes sparking in concern.

"I know it does, and I'm so sorry. Y/n... if you answer all my questions, I promise it won't hurt anymore. You'll get to live out here, in the _sun_ , surrounded by nice people who will love you. Doesn't that sound nice?"

There it was. A break in your mind so soft you weren't sure if it had happened. All at once, all feeling and emotion started to seep out of your body, replaced by a deep _emptiness_.

"I don't know," you rasped, your eyes welling, "I'm so sorry... I don't know..."

More than anything you wanted to tell her, and you couldn't even remember why you didn't know. Sayu nodded sympathetically, stroking your hair methodically.

"It's okay," she murmured kindly, "a promise is a promise. Takada is setting up your new room now."

You bobbed your head, pressing your temple into her hand, shuddering. Yes. You'd like that. Sayu resumed her questions more quietly... kindly. The ones you could answer, you did. A completely open book.


	10. Pride

I marched out of the interrogation room, my jaw set as I looked back at M/n and D/n. It was so tempting to slap and slam them, but I couldn't do it... thinking about Y/n and what she was going through made me want to both hurt them even more while simultaneously turning my stomach violently against the thought. After having D/n punched once, it made me think about her, a bitter taste in my mouth. I steeled my eyes. No matter. They'd be held at the building for as long as we wanted... my eyes caught theirs and they whimpered pathetically, trying to avoid my scathing gaze... I had a feeling 'as long as we wanted' was going to mean a _very_ long time...

Chief Mogi waited patiently, listening to everything I had gotten out of M/n and D/n last night. My stomach felt sick as I finally nodded, indicating I was finished. I hadn't slept that night, and unfortunately that was already the fifth night I hadn't gotten any sleep, going on day 6. It was official: I was going for a record.

"It's not just her. It's practically guaranteed that there are several missing wanted or convicted criminals being held hostage."

He sighed heavily, nodding. In his office were also Aizawa, Ide and Matsuda. They were all paying rapt attention, until Mogi cleared his throat.

"I see. There are two ways we can proceed... a sneak attack or really bringing on the cavalry..."

My fingers twitched, scratching at my disheveled hair. I felt terrible, and a part of me knew I should've heeded Near's advice and gotten some sleep, but I couldn't think about that now. Not when I was so close. I swayed, staring at Mogi's mouth to keep myself centered, struggling to keep my words steady.

"Assuming we have the element of surprise on our side, I believe we should take advantage of that. I suggest a small team infiltrate the compound, take out Sayu and start to rescue the hostages. We should have backup waiting on our call."

Mogi rubbed his chin, eyes flickering.

"Our?"

"Yes. I will be with the team."

"L, you're a civilian."

At my expression, he faltered. I forced my voice to stay even, but in another scenario it may have sounded threatening.

"I'm going, Chief."

Mogi opened his mouth to protest again, but it fell dead on his lips. He sighed, running a hand through his hair and rubbing it along his face miserably.

"You... you really think Sayu's behind all of this?"

"Yes, L... is that what you think?"

I whipped around, blinking when I saw Soichiro standing in the doorway. Everyone else in the office gaped, all of them avoiding his gaze. Soichiro fiddled with the hem of his sleeve, looking years older.

"I may not be a police officer anymore, but I still have friends in the force," he rumbled, adjusting his suit. He met my eyes, harsh yet accepting... "I heard talk that you believe Sayu is behind this."

"97% chance."

"Don't bullshit me."

I stared at him, assessing. No. He deserved better. Soichiro Yagami may have been the father of two psychopaths, but he was still an honorable man.

"There's almost no doubt in my mind that Sayu is in control of the situation."

He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. I shifted, a part of me wanting to reach out, yet keeping my distance at the same time. When he opened his eyes again, they were misted, his gaze pleading.

"L... answer me honestly. Is it... is it my fault? Light and Sayu? Did I... did I do something wrong?"

I considered this. Sayu I couldn't answer, but Light... 

"Light suffered from dedication," I answered slowly, watching him carefully, "he had a goal and was prepared to do anything to achieve it. I do not yet know why Sayu is doing this, but it would not surprise me if this was an exercise of dedication of her own... something she desperately wants and feels she must hurt others to achieve..."

Soichiro tightened his lips, not looking satisfied with the answer. I knew it wasn't satisfying... but in truth I could not give him the straight-forward answer he wanted. How much of their actions were nature vs nurture? Without at least talking to them about, it was almost impossible to tell. He gave me a look, saying so much without words. He wanted to help, he wanted to be a part of this. Exhaling, I turned my attention back to what was once my task force.

"Now, we are wasting time. Chief, you have known me for years... I am not a man to beg... but I'm begging you... we must take action."

Cry in front of them? Never. I'd never allow myself to break down like that... never... but I could feel the desperation clawing up my throat, drowning me in fear. It had been so long. Too long. 23 days... prisoners I'd had in the past hadn't even lasted a week... Mogi searched my face, nodding seriously. 

"We'll mobilize right now and have backup on standby. The small team will infiltrate the Kingdom once it's dark."

* * *

Your yawned, feeling rested for the first time in days. The bed you were sleeping on was soft, an upgrade from the hospital bed, and leagues better than the floor. Sitting up in a daze, you gazed around, your head pounding loudly as you stretched. The blood flowing through your veins felt amazing, almost as amazing as the incredible white dress they'd given you, as well as a silk robe that felt like a cloud was hugging you. Takada made her way inside, bowing her head as she put a plate of pancakes on the small table and your mouth melted. No drugs. You giggled lightly, shoving it into your face.

You felt great... you couldn't even remember why you felt bad before!

The door opened and Sayu smiled brightly, twisting a strand of her hair. Oh, thank God... her smile... no punishment? You paused. What did punishment... mean? Your brow furrowed. There was a ball of pressure in your brain, not letting forth any memories... All you could remember was that Mikami was a very mean mean.

You quivered happily as she moved towards you, looking the happiest you'd ever seen her. That was good. Her happiness was your happiness. 

"Hm, I see you like the pancakes," she mused.

"Mhm!" You exclaimed through a mouthful.

Sayu chuckled, looking over your room.

"So you like it?"

You nodded enthusiastically, falling back on your bed.

"It's amazing! Thank you so much!... I don't know what I did to deserve you," you sighed reverently.

Sayu clasped her hands together, looking touched. The smile faltered and you almost whimpered, shooting to a sitting position. What was wrong? Did you do something bad?

"Y/n, you're doing amazingly... there's just one last thing I need..."

You gazed at her with wide, expectant eyes... honestly ready to do whatever.

"I know you don't know where the note or eraser are, but I need you to help me find them..."

Leaning back against the pillow, you tried to think. It was all muddled, but you forced your thoughts together. Come on! This was for Sayu! Think! Your eyes popped with a gasp as you grabbed her arm. Sayu stiffened, but relaxed slightly when you simply held it.

"I was holding it when Light died! Ownership belongs to me... do you have any apples?"

* * *

"Are you sure this is supposed to work?" Sayu's brow rose skeptically.

You nodded quickly, holding the apple up. It was a beautiful piece of fruit: shiny and perfect, the best Sayu could get. 

"Ryuk!" You called, tossing the apple up.

To her, all she saw was 2 bites and the apple vanishing in thin air. Sayu gaped, trying to see Ryuk but all you could do was smile. He was hovering above you, red eyes glinting as he examined you.

"Oi, it looks like someone put you through the wringer!"

You tilted your head curiously. What did he mean? You felt fine! Was he talking about these weird wounds all over your body?... you didn't even remember how you got them... shrugging, you met his eyes. He shifted a bit, watching you intently.

"Ryuk! I need my note... and the eraser."

"Pfft, what do ya take me for? An errand boy?"

Your knees buckled and you actually slid to them. Ryuk hopped back in surprise. The permanent smile of course never left his face, but he did watch you curiously.

"Please, Ryuk. For the Kami's Blood, you'll have all the apples you could possibly desire."

His eyes slid over to Sayu, a chuckle escaping. She was gazing around the room, as if he'd suddenly appear in front of her.

"Hey, that's Light-o's sister, ain't it? Wait... did you call her the Kami's Blood?"

"Of course! She's Kira's sister... the true God's own blood."

This seemed to peek his interest as he stared at you in a mix of confusion and excitement.

"Jeez, you really like seeing how much you can make me do, hm? You humans never fail to disappoint... Fine! But no more freaking favors, running myself ragged for you."

His wings sprouted from his back and he went through the wall. Not too long later, he was back, both items in tow. Your hands shook as you took them from him, turning back to Sayu, quivering excitedly. She blinked, her eyes darting over the items as she inhaled longingly. Kneeling down, you bowed your head submissively. This was where you belonged, beside Kami and his sister!

"Master, I offer you the note and eraser, for our Kami."

Sayu was stammering, her face flushed as she slowly took the items from your hand, marveling at them. She glanced up and yelped in surprise as Ryuk waved a hand. He scuttled over to her, inspecting her while she breathed heavily, watching the Shinigami closely.

"Interesting," he mused.

She shrank but smiled weakly at the compliment. Sayu pulled you into a hug. It was so warm... you gave her a look of pure adoration, excitement shivering through you. She was smiling so widely you were almost sure there were tears in her eyes. Holy shit, did you really make her that happy?

"Thank you," she whispered, wiping at the tears. She glanced at the door, "Mikami!"

You whimpered, your knees threatening to give out on you.

He was a very mean man.

"We have to dig up Light's body."

Mikami nodded.

"I'll send our people to it. He's buried in Yanaka... it will be easier to do this under the cover of night."

Sayu pursed her lips but nodded. You puffed out your chest. How dare he not make her happy? 

"Very well."

Mikami bowed his head and left. You hadn't even realized you'd been shivering at Sayu's feet, pleadingly clutching her leg until she stroked your hair.

"It's okay. Mikami won't hurt you, you're safe here... you'll finally be reunited with your Kami... isn't that exciting?"

You nodded quickly. Yes. That's all you wanted. Sayu knelt down, gently clutching your shoulders, forcing your to meet her urgent eyes.

"Y/n, you are my closest confidant," you trembled at the words, lip quivering, "I need to know. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to defend the Kingdom? Even if that means killing L?"

L... the name was so familiar yet strange at the same time. You could see his face, but it was like an old movie, so distant and detached. A smile crossed your lips as you leaned into her. Of course! He was evil. You squirmed, looking up at her adoringly.

"Don't worry, Master," you whispered reverently, "I'll do anything to protect you and Kami."

"... I know you will. Come on. Finish your pancakes."

The day was so perfect. Hell, your life was perfect. Bringing Sayu the note cemented your place as the most respected member, all of them bowing as they passed you, doing your bidding, following your order. The dress you were wearing was low-cut, stopping just above your cleavage.

It really allowed the Kira carving, now scarred over and a stark white against your skin, to be visible, and you couldn't help feeling proud of it. 


	11. I've Got You

My was heart was so loud I could barely focus. The group consisted of myself, Matsuda, Aizawa, Mello, Matt and two more officers. Soichiro wanted to come, but that was one line Mogi wasn't willing to cross. He conceded and helped Near, who was back at headquarters, helping to monitor the situation. The darkness shrouded us. I bit my lip as we snuck around the outside of the old Japanese castle. The arial shots we'd gotten showed its weak spots, more specifically two where there was the potential for a blind spot we could exploit. Stepping slowly inside, we crept along the wall of the courtyard. The mission was simple: get Y/n and find evidence of other prisoners through which the police could then have enough cause to completely raid the place.

It didn't take us long to find other prisoners.

They were on display in large metal cages, emaciated and looking half-dead. Matt took pictures for evidence, sweeping his camera between the cages. My hands trembled as they turned glassy eyes in my direction, seeming too tired to speak or ask for help. They were all badly hurt... twisted limbs and terrible gashes, some of them alarmingly infected. Hyperventilation threatened to take over. Y/n... we continued down to a dungeon area, passing hallowed faces. They looked on with scared eyes, too terrified to do anything but huddle in the corners. Mello jogged to the end of the dungeon, even checking isolated cells probably once used for solitary confinement. He looked back at us and shook his head.

Not there.

Where was she, then? 

Fear shivered up my spine as we moved back into the main castle. Aizawa froze, motioning to a congregation in another room. We stopped just outside it, my stomach going to ice.

Sayu was sitting on a throne addressing the Kingdom members... holding up the death note...

"--Tonight our Kami will taste the air and eat the food of--"

my lip trembled. Okay... will... that meant Light wasn't back yet. How did she get... by her feet, clutching her leg was... Y/n... looking up at her adoringly... there were so many emotions, I didn't even know where to start. She was right there... with rope burns and a Kira carving and large gashes all across her arms. Her eyes... they were so different... my heart seized, the world around me tipping.

And then she looked at me, her expression unrecognizable. I couldn't even see the other Kingdom members, just her cracked lips and hollow eyes. Were mine misting? I couldn't even tell. All I could hear was my heartbeat. 

I wasn't even aware of Matsuda shaking my arm. Oh... the Citizens were charging us... interesting... why were my feet so heavy?

"L! We have to move!" Mello screamed, but it sounded distant.

Aizawa was yelling in his radio for backup. 

Y/n was running in my direction, knife in hand. I froze, my system threatening to shut down on me. She reared back her knife, and that's when I snapped out of it.

Gasping, I twisted. She just managed to miss my throat. All around us, Kingdom members were running, racing as they realized more police were on their way.

"Get to the tunnels!" Sayu shrieked. 

The tunnels...? Tunnels! NO! We couldn't let them get away! 

With a bloodcurdling scream, Y/n tried to plunge the knife into my chest. My eyes popped as I grabbed her wrists... her skin... my breathing heavy. She fell on top of me until the two of us were horizontal, the knife inches above my chest.

"Y/n!" I yelled above the screaming members and wailing sirens, "I-it's _me_! **Y/N**!"

I grunted. She was using all her strength to try to push it down. My head went back into the floor, panic clawing up my throat. There were so many things I wanted to apologize for... sorry I couldn't get here in time, sorry I was such a failure... sorry I had to defend myself. I met her eyes. They were seething with a fiery bloodlust. 

"I'm sorry..."

Roaring, I kicked up into her gut. Y/n yelped, crumpling. It gave me enough time to scoot away from her, scrambling to my feet.

Pain exploded from my leg though and a cry caught in my throat. She retracted the knife, swiping it up. Trying to ignore the burning pain, I twisted on my other leg, pushing against the knife's hilt and sending it skidding across the floor. Y/n dove for it, but I tackled her. She whirled, snarling and trying to rake her nails down my face. 

Police had arrived, and there was weapons on both ends. Yelling as the two sides tried to defend themselves, authorities ordering them to stand down. The Citizens ignored them, letting loose round after round of bullets until the police had to return fire. There was smoke and the thick scent of blood that made my stomach turn. 

We wrestled as she tried to punch and kick me, but I managed to keep her at a distance. 

"Y/n! Stop! Wait! It's me!"

"You're a traitor," she barked in my face, her eyes red and tearing, "everyone abandons me! You're no different!"

Is that what she thought? I stared at her, distracted. Abandon her? How could she-- She howled, her hands finding their way to my throat. It was such an inhuman sound... crazed and blood-thirsty. A sob caught in my chest as spots filled my vision, my lungs begging for air. I choked trying to shake my head and push her away, but I could already feel the strength draining from my muscles. My eyes rolled back to the lavishly decorated ceiling, the paintings and stained glass taking on a blurry haze.

"Y-Y/n... lo--"

Everything felt slow and fast at the same time. She dug her nails into the skin on my neck and I was vaguely aware of a slight trickle of blood running down my skin. I wheezed, my mind crashing. The fight drained out as I stared up at her face, her edges fuzzy. And yet she was still so beautiful... I closed my eyes, realizing I was still gripping her wrists tightly. It reminded me of when we went on a rollercoaster and I was so terrified I was squeezing her wrist. My lip quivered, my mind trying to retreat into the mind... to disappear there. 

"L!"

Mello threw his entire bodyweight against her, throwing her to the ground. She screamed obscenities, scratching at him, but he held her down. I gasped, air rushing into my lungs as I turned on my side, coughs making me shake. My vision swirled, the room coming back into focus. Mello yelped as she sank her teeth into his arm, but he didn't let go. She convulsed under his grip, trying to kick and get away. Matt rushed over, letting out a war cry as he smashed the hilt of his gun against her temple. 

I couldn't move. She fell back, moaning loudly. Our eyes met, tears welling in the back of my eyes. Y/n's gaze was unfocused, but even so, I could see how she was dismembering me in her mind... a scathing hatred that made me want to curl up. I stared at her, the shock finally coursing through my system as she went unconscious. All around me were dead Kingdom members, their eyes permanently open, their hands clutching large guns and blood seeping out into the carpet.

How many of them had been like her?

Normal people brainwashed into following Kira? 

Matt was panting, looking down at her. He knelt beside Mello, inspecting the rather wicked bite.

"Yikes. You should get that checked out."

Mello nodded in a daze, his eyes still not leaving her. Police surged in around us until I felt Mogi bend next to me.

"We found an entrance to a network of tunnels, but they're too extensive and complicated."

"Sayu--"

"She's gone with the rest of the Citizens..."

Sayu got away... of course she did. And if she had the note, then presumably she had the eraser... I gingerly poked at my neck, wincing. Mogi inspected it, sighing.

"Come on, have the paramedic look at you."

Ignoring him, I slid over to Y/n. Like this, she almost looked peaceful, her face set pristinely. I gently supported her against my body, squeezing her close. My fingers passed over some of the healing gashes and scars, tracing the carving in awe. Someone had done this to her... another human being... no. Not a human being. One of the monsters. Just another monster. Matsuda came over with a pair of handcuffs, but my eyes snapped in his direction, an unexpected flame going up my stomach.

"Stay away from her," I growled lowly, shooting him a deadly glare.

He hesitated, his eyes wide as he slowly stepped away. A part of me knew it wasn't fair, but I couldn't stop it. They all stared at me, and in turn, I gazed at them evenly.

I was exhausted, and my vision was blurred, the blood leaving my leg making me dizzy. I slumped, a shiver passing over my body as I gently twirled a strand of her hair. Her beautiful hair. I kept my face hidden from view, trying to inhale her familiar scent. It was all replaced by something metallic and the strong smell of blood. Nothing was... recognizable... I pressed my lips to her forehead, squeezing my eyes shut. It was all going to be okay... it was going to be okay... I wished we were back at Wammy's, where I could hide with her under a table and the rest of the world would fall away. Where the two of us would be safe...

Crying had never come easy. Even now, I wanted to sob and scream, but all I could feel were my eyes misting. I failed. I knew how much bend the human mind could take before it broke and yet I still managed to fail. I dug my fingers into her scalp, letting out a strangled sound I couldn't even identify. Matt and Mello started, gently touching my shoulder.

"You need to have that wound treated."

Still not looking at them, I shook my head, burying it into her chest. I don't know what I was looking for. Something familiar maybe? Y/n's head rolled back, her lips moving wordlessly. My fingers ghosted over the bridge of her nose. Her eyes moved beneath her lids, making it look like she was searching for something.

"Y/n?"

Of course she didn't respond. Different emotions flooded my synapsis. The team looked like they wanted to say something, but my eyes slowly went in their direction, slipping back into the part I could always play so well... the stoic detective who couldn't feel for shit. Y/n was the only other person who saw something different. Not them. My true self wasn't meant for them. I stuck out my chin, motioning for to Mogi. It felt like I was out of my body, watching myself. 

"We have to make sure she didn't sustain a concussion. I wish to bring her to my building... I might be able to get to her," I hated how my voice went small, but I forced my chest to puff out.

Mogi shook his head quickly, smoothing a hand through his hair.

"She's a witness, though--"

"It's understandable. Catching Kira is your priority as police chief. Then I ask you to be understanding that she's my priority."

He scowled, his eyes narrowing but I held them, a familiar iciness making my voice low and cold, holding his attention in a rapt fascination and horror.

"Chief, perhaps you do not comprehend. I'm not asking for permission."

Mogi didn't say anything. There wasn't anything he could. L wasn't just me... it was a power, something I could draw strength from. It was an intimidating persona, a force that made it impossible for me to live up to my own name. My brow set in determination as Matt and Mello crossed to my side supportingly. Mello started to reach to help carry her, but my eyes darted, my heart pounding. No. I wasn't letting go. He quickly got the message and retreated, his eyes following me warily. 

Leaning over her, I kissed her forehead. Even after everything, her skin was soft and warm. My heart twisted and I rested my forehead against hers as I whispered into her ear, a resolve swelling from my stomach.

"Let's go home, hm? I've got you."


	12. Chess

You snarled, shuttling in your binds and straight-jacket. They weren't uncomfortably tight, but they prevented you from moving around too much. They'd had to do it when Near brought you food and you attacked him, almost getting off a chunk of his ear. They'd tried simple handcuffs, but the feeling of having your wrists bound like that sent you into a panic until you were convulsing, spots filling your vision. The straight-jacket wasn't desirable, but it didn't send you spiraling into a choking fear.

The room was sterile, with only a camera connected to a microphone sitting on top of a small table. Death threats poured from your mouth as you stared directly into the camera. You wanted L dead... it was all you could think about. If Sayu wanted it, then it's what you needed to do... after a couple of hours, your throat was hoarse, but you kept screaming, your eyes venomous. You hated him. You hated all of them! Finally though, you slumped, exhausted. Did any of your threats even get through? L hadn't responded to any of them, so you had to assume he wasn't even there...

"Are you done now?" A metallic, scrambled robotic voice asked.

You picked your head up in surprise, the rage re-igniting.

"So you were listening, you son of a bitch! Why didn't you answer me? Or are you just that much of a fucking coward?"

There was no reply. Your body trembled in anger as you spat on the ground. Cowards. All of them.

"I knew it!" You shrieked, breathing heavily, "you're too scared to face me! You know I'll be the death of you! **I'll kill you, L**!"

The door opened and he calmly stepped through, watching you intently. It was an intense and analytical gaze that almost made you shrink back, but you stuck out your chin defiantly. There were the remnants of marks on his neck, but overall they looked to be healing. Matt had given you the report that L had needed about thirty stitches on his leg, but that slash had been shallow enough. A manic chuckle rose up your chest. You were so close to him... if only you could kill him... that'd make Sayu so happy!

"That's right, L," you trilled, "I'll kill you for my master! And she'll be pleased with me... How does it feel knowing the love of your life will kill you?"

L had a box tucked under his arm. Your nose wrinkled suspiciously, but he moved to the small table, carefully shifting the equipment and sitting on the floor. Shrugging, he glanced at you through his bangs, his eyes hooded.

"It's a good thing the love of my life won't be killing me," he mused, placing the box on the table, "you're not her... she's in there somewhere, yes, maybe even melded with you... inseparable. But the person I'm speaking to now is not her."

The way he said everything with such an infuriating calmness... you howled, growling as you tried moving forward, only to be held back. Glaring at the table, you faltered. He was setting up a game of chess? Even though his body and face were methodical, you could definitely see a slight tremor in his fingers as he placed the piece down. You cackled, sticking your tongue out.

"It doesn't matter who I am, I'm going to kill you... I hate you! I hope you die a slow and painful death, Lawliet."

He didn't flinch. Instead, he leaned back on his haunches, watching you curiously. You held his gaze, his grey orbs hypnotizing. 

"It's a shame you hate me so much," he sighed, continuing to set the game up, "... because I adore you."

The rage sputtered, but didn't extinguish. Heat did rise up your neck though, sending your face into a flush. Adore? The word swirled in your brain. Finally, he rubbed his chin, examining the board. 

"White or black?"

"How about you shove the pieces up your--"

"Alright, I suppose I'll be white."

You glowered, flexing your toes as he moved a pawn. 

"Maybe I want to be white!" You seethed, just to give him a hard time.

"Then be white."

"Unless that works to your advantage."

"But since you've figured that out, I must account for that," he smirked, a wry expression that brought a glint to his eye.

You blinked, your heart stopping for a second. That expression... that smirk... it was very... you cleared your throat quickly. 

"I can't play... maybe you should untie me," you cooed.

Without looking at you, he continued watching the board.

"Tell me the piece you want to move."

You sagged with a pout, the corners of your mouth twitching. Clamping your jaw shut, you adverted your gaze. He rolled his shoulders, moving to a more comfortable position.

"Take as long as you need. The boys are taking care of my schedule today."

Damn him. L tapped his chin thoughtfully, glancing around, his brow scrunched. He seemed to be debating something, swirling his thumb all around his lips until he made a sound of realization.

"Oh. That's what I forgot."

You stiffened, your eyes narrowing spitefully. He moved to the speakers, tapping them. They came to life, playing a light piano melody. You froze, your heart pounding so loudly it almost drowned out the song. When was the last time you heard a piano? When was the last time you touched one? Your fingers ached, desiring the familiar feeling of the keys, the vibrations of the strings. You quivered, closing your eyes as the music washed over you. It was gentle... a loving melody that you could almost remember playing yourself. Opening your eyes, you started. L was staring at you. When your eyes connected, he quickly glanced back at the board, waiting patiently for you to make your move. Rolling your eyes, your voice came out a grumble.

"Pawn to E4."

L nodded, shifting it. There was an uncomfortable silence, only filled by the music. He placed his chin in the cup of his hand as he deliberated his next move. 

"So, tell me about your... master. What's she like?"

You sniffed, your chest swelling with pride.

"The Kami's Blood is kind and good," you melted, picturing her beautiful smile, "she takes care of all of us until Kami's return."

L rubbed his thumb against his lip, keeping any emotion from flickering onto his face. But he did lean forward intently.

"I see. She serves... Kami. I'm curious, who is Kami?"

You grinned, your chest warming with the thought.

"Kira," you sighed, "the most benevolent god to have ever existed... Knight to H3."

He seemed interested by this, moving your piece methodically. The song ended and a new one came on... a relaxed ballad that made you sway in your jacket. It really was lovely.

"Kira is a benevolent god? When did you change your mind?"

"What are you talking about? He's always been the one true God!"

"I'm not disputing. It's just that at one time you had different views. I'm curious when you decided to worship Kira."

Your fingers twitched in uncertainty. When did you change your mind? A wall of pressure in your mind swelled, making it hard to concentrate. You couldn't remember... why couldn't you remember? Chuckling nervously, your mind scratched for the most likely reason. 

"W-when I met the Kami's Blood of course! She showed me the way. Bishop take pawn on B5."

L bit his thumb, taking his pawn off the board.

"When you met the Kami's Blood, hm?... she must've been very convincing. It's amazing, if I do say so myself. I'm extremely intrigued. How did she convince you?"

How did she... you blinked. How did she? You trembled, desperately searching your mind, but it was all blocked by that painful pressure threatening to explode. 

"I..." you shook your head. No. You couldn't let L inside your mind. This is what Sayu warned you about! "No more mind games!" You snapped. 

His face never changed expressions, his fingers fiddling with his fallen pawn.

"I didn't mean to offend you. Simply starting a conversation. After all, wouldn't your--" he hesitated, the word seeming hard on his lips, "master-- want you to spread her message? Her methods? But I understand if those are sacred secrets... you don't have to answer."

Her message... her methods... she would like that, wouldn't she? Fuck, why couldn't you remember her methods? L tugged at his lip, moving his queen up and taking your knight.

"Just some food for thought," he hummed, twirling the knight absently, "was it a difficult process?"

"N-no..." you said slowly, but your nostrils were flaring. Was it? "I-I mean... realizing you've been living your life in the dark this whole time is bound to be a difficult transition."

Your eyes met, and you were acutely aware that yours had gone desperate, as if he held all the answers. A shiver of fear made its way up your spine.

"I don't remember," you whispered more to yourself than him.

L didn't seem surprised by this answer. He stood up, crossing so he was close to you, so close you could distinctly smell strawberries. It was nice... your stomach churned. Maybe you should've eaten that food they offered you... L blinked, his eyes examining as he seemed to drop the matter.

"I'm just going to put the game on hold to get some lunch," he said gently. L looked like he wanted to reach out to you, but cleared his throat, "is there anything you want me to get?"

Your eyes scanned his. A part of you still wanted to scream, to sink your teeth into his neck and watch the blood run down his skin... have Sayu praise you for your abilities and your usefulness. Pride almost got the better of you, but your voice came out small and unsure. You were shaking and his eyes flashed in alarm, the first raw emotion you'd seen since he walked in.

"Can I... can I have some strawberries?" 

There was the ghost of a smile on his lips, a slight glint behind those irises. Your mouth felt dry. Why did you have the urge to lean forward? Those lips looked soft... you bit your own, brining yourself back into the room. But the feelings didn't go away. 

L placed a bowl of strawberries on the floor, getting ready to untie and leave you to eat, but you shifted. You didn't want to be alone... 

"I won't... I won't hurt you... so... c-can you stay?"

At first, you were worried he'd say no, but then he unstrapped the jacket, falling back into a crouch behind the table with the game.

"I hardly need to tell you that we're being monitored and you'll be stopped and restrained if you try to hurt me..." he gave a small smile, tilting his head. The action made his dark hair fall to the side, "but if you can hold your murderous tendencies for one game, I'd be happy to stay."

You snorted, scooping up the bowl and sitting across from him.

"That's a tall order. You make being in a murderous mood very easy."

L laughed. It was... a strange sound... most would probably be turned off by it but you gaped slightly. Confusion speared your mind when his laughter died down. Why did you want to hear more of it? It'd be so easy to hurt him... your eyes flickered to the cameras set up around the room... not as easy to kill him... you chewed the fruit thoughtfully, staring at him. There was something you couldn't quite put your finger on. He motioned to the board, twirling a lollipop in his mouth cockily, his eyes sparking with a competitiveness.

"It's your turn."

You nodded, looking at him with a serene smile as you moved your piece.

"You'll see, L. The magnificence that Kira represents."

L stopped moving his lollipop, those large eyes of his cryptic, holding your own. For a moment, you thought you saw a spark of emotion. Sadness? Fear? But it was quickly buried. Crunching down on his sweet, he made his own move.

"We'll see."


	13. Complicated

I gasped, my lungs working furiously. I was wearing a stiff tuxedo, crisp, clean and formal... My hands slapped at my muscles, as if the bullet holes would still be there... from somewhere, there was a loud squeal, and a girl threw herself on top of me. I stiffened, glancing at her. She looked a little older than me... she looked familiar...

"Light!" She cried out, burying her face into my shoulder.

My eyes widened as I pulled back, really looking at her face. Sayu? She was crying, tears streaming down her cheeks as she moved to hug me again. I blinked, dazed as I flexed my fingers. Was I alive? How? My voice felt choked as I held her out again.

"S-Sayu..."

She laughed, nodding happily as she threw her arms around me again. I blinked, a surge of emotions welling up in my chest as I returned it dazedly.

"I missed you so much," she sobbed, her body heaving, "you have no idea how much I missed you."

Everything was still spinning. Shaking my head slightly, I tried to sit up. All around me were people dressed in white robes, staring at me with brimming adoration. Confusion swept my mind as I slowly scanned the faces, large plastic smiles painted on their lips. It honestly unnerved me a bit. But Sayu leaned back, holding up my arm. I glanced at her, noticing for the first time that she was wearing the robes too. The fuck was going on?

"To Kami!" She yelled, "the one and true god!"

"To Kami! To Kami! To Kami!" They chanted.

I froze, watching them all. Kami? Sayu eyes were brimming. I blinked, slowly coming back to myself, settling into my old mind and body like a suit. Wait a minute... worshippers... for me... I'd done it? I'd managed to become a god in death? A small smile crossed my face as I tried standing. My knees buckled dangerously, threatening to tip me over. The chanting grew in intensity, loud cheers rising from the crowd. It felt like I was a little kid being cheered on as I excitedly managed to stand, but my legs were impossibly wobbly. I turned my gaze to Sayu disbelievingly as the chants morphed. 

"Kira! Kira! Kira! Kira!"

"Kill me, Kira!"

"No, me!"

"Grace us with your judgement!"

My breath was short. All my dreams... all happening at once... holy shit... how long was I gone? I had to assume I came back the same way L did... huh... so the note hadn't gotten tired of me after all... a lie... a clever one. My eyes narrowed as I held up a hand to rabid calls of praise. Yes... I was a god with my sister by my side... Sayu addressed them and they listened. I couldn't help but smirk. Figures my fellow blood would be a natural leader as well.

"Kira has returned and we will cure this world of all its filthy rot! If you'll excuse us, I'm sure you understand. There is much work for Kira awaiting him."

They screamed in support as Sayu gently led me off a dais where my coffin was placed. She took me through a series of winding dark tunnels illuminated only by an electric lantern, her eyes excited as she explained what had happened over the past **six** years. Damn. Six? It was strange to think about...

"Where's Y/n?"

Sayu faltered and I tilted my head curiously. My first thought was that... maybe she was dead... I actually felt a pang at the prospect. But six years... even if she wasn't gone, what kind of person was she now?

"She married the detective L Lawliet and for years worked so many cases and dismembered so many Kingdom sects."

I paused. She stopped, turning to face me, the lantern between us. Sayu searched my face, and I didn't even know how I was feeling.

"She... got married?"

The idea almost made me want to laugh. She was always so bitter towards her parents, it was hard to imagine her having any positive reaction to marriage... Sayu cleared her throat, a strange yet knowing smile playing at her lips.

"Oh but don't worry. She's on our side... unfortunately she got lost in the shuffle. But now that you're back, we can go after her... if you want, that is."

On our side? Pfft, yeah right. I chuckled, cocking my head as I crossed my arms.

"Stop lying, she'd never join Kira."

"Well, it did take a bit of persuasion," she admitted, stepping into the room.

I stared at her, curiosity eating at the edges of my mind. What did that mean? Could it possibly be true? But... how did she convince her? A part of me didn't want to know. And L... hm. Did I really win that little game after all? Ryuk was lounging in the other room, greedily eating apples. My eyes narrowed as I glared at him. He greeted me but I turned my nose up.

"You helped the enemy," I growled.

Ryuk shrugged, cackling.

"Come on, Light-o. You should know by now I don't care about you..."

I was about to retort when Sayu gently touched my arm. She was holding the death note out to me, her eyes brimming. My heart pounded loudly as I stared at its leathery covers, my fingers itching as I took it from her. I could almost feel its power coursing through me, like a drug. Her eyes were misted, looking up at me lovingly.

"Light," she croaked, inhaling shakily, "for six years... I kept practicing and rehearsing what I'd say when I saw you and--" she laughed, the laughing being interrupted by tears until she was shaking.

I gently pulled her into a hug. Sayu sagged in my grip, burying her face into the crook of my shoulder. Was I tearing up too? My little sister... she was so grown up... she pulled back to look at me, her cheeks stained. 

"You can be Kira again! It might be hard convincing Mom and Dad, but..." her face broke into a smile and my heart warmed, even knowing how impossible her statement had been. But I listened as she continued, "we... we can finally be a family again.."

* * *

"Oh, that's disgusting," you couldn't help but giggle.

L bit his index finger, but it was to hide his laughter. He fell on his back, tossing a ball up into the air and catching it, his eyes twinkling.

"I _never_ told you this story before?"

"The sugar competition between you and B? No!"

"He didn't stand a chance," L cackled, smirking mischievously, "but, yeah. We each got a bag of raw sugar and the first person to either vomit or pass out lost and had to take the other's chores for the next month... I didn't exactly tell him sugar was my entire diet."

A smile cracked against your face imagining him as a little kid shoving spoon after spoon of raw sugar into his mouth, grinning tauntingly as B tried to keep up.

"Okay, okay. So did he vomit or pass out?"

L caught the ball, beaming wistfully.

"Passed out. Kid didn't eat anything sweet again until he was eleven."

"Damn! Poor kid," you chuckled.

"Hm, I suppose so... but I was having the time of my life, so it all worked out."

Your chuckled. He gave a cheeky expression, eyes scanning your face. There had become an unspoken agreement between the two of you. As long as you didn't attack anyone, no straight-jacket. A part of your mind still wanted to... God, you wanted to... but for now... it was a good arrangement. The more he talked to you though, the more your noticed the pressure in your head expanding until it was a constant knocking against your temple. You knew there was something simmering beneath... but you also knew that looking might reveal something you didn't want to see.

This was comfortable, though. Here, just the two of you in this little world. It made you... happy...

You scooted closer to him, and for just a second his eyes flashed in alarm. He was still on his back, looking up at you, his Adam's apple bobbing nervously as you sat above him. The two of you were so close... much closer than you'd ever been since you woke up here.

"For all that sugar you eat, you'd think you'd be a sweet kid," you teased.

Pausing, your heart tugged uncomfortably. You couldn't tell how you felt when you said the next sentence, your voice feeling foreign.

"Light's alive."

L didn't say anything at first, his lips still so close to yours.

"We must assume... how do you feel about that?"

A smile broke out on your face, but it felt... fake... like it was an effort holding it up. But you had to, it felt like you didn't have a choice. Wouldn't someone hurt you if you were disobedient? Yes... that's what would happen... right? Yes, as long as you were loyal to Sayu, no one would hurt you. But it was all so confusing, something else in your mind building.

"That just means my Kami has returned... it's a joyful day..."

L stared at you. Your throat caught as his neck craned up. You expected yourself to jump back or bite or punch or do something... but your body was frozen, a tension making your heart stretch as his slid up on his elbows.

"Is it?" He murmured, centimeters from your mouth, "are you joyful about it?"

Your palms were sweaty. You couldn't answer. But he was watching you expectantly. No... no you didn't want to think about how you were feeling... maybe to avoid the question or because they were right there and it was out of instinct, you pressed your lips against his and your stomach stirred. His lips were... soft... and warm. L stiffened in surprise, his eyes wary. Running your lips along his, his eyes lidded, a slight tremor spreading through him. He twisted himself so he was completely facing you, his tongue darting across your lips. You closed your eyes, allowing your stomach to dip and rise excitedly. The feeling was... euphoric... you needed more... Opening your mouth, you gasped as his tongue poked at yours, tangling with it and running it along the inside of your mouth. 

You pulled back, staring at him, your heart loud in your ears. It felt good... your body shivered, shocked at how you needed to kiss him again, to feel him and his skin... there was this constant pain, in your head and body. They'd tried to help the wounds heal, gave you medication for the pain, but it all still stinging. This was the first physical thing that didn't hurt, that made you want more. And your head... it was an entire mess you were too terrified to even touch. You pressed forward, capturing his lips again desperately.

L watched you cautiously. Your tongue darted along his jawline, lightly nipping at his nose and dragging your teeth up his bridge. L was breathing heavily, his nostrils flared. He seemed to both lean into and away from your touch, a husky groan escaping as his lips brushed your cheek. You met his eyes, begging. But they were guarded... torn between longing and restraint. 

"L," you breathed.

He moved away and you whimpered in confusion, his eyes wide with a spark of fear.

"You're crying," he whispered.

Cr--... what? You dazedly touched at your cheeks, genuinely surprised at how wet your fingers came back. Pitching forward, you screwed your eyes shut, trying to bottle it. Everything was fine... you were acutely of his gaze trained on you as you forced it all down until your nerves felt some semblance of normal. L tenderly touched your chin and you blinked. He smiled. It was so simple but it sent your entire body shaking. His thumb rubbed along your face, tracing the lines and your features fondly. 

"Did I ever tell you about the time Linda tricked me into a drawing contest?"

A laugh escaped as you swayed. His presence was calming, your body coming back from its high. You pressed your forehead against his, letting out a shuddered sigh.

"You lost?"

The corners of his lips tugged up in a mix of a smile and a grimace.

"Unfortunately."

"Hm. No wonder you never told me... spill it." 

Near's perspective

I rolled my eyes, watching them kiss. Mello and Matt were at the other computers, searching for any signs of the Kingdom or Light. 

"Why am I on camera duty?" I whined.

Mello chuckled meanly, sticking out his tongue.

"Come on, Near! It's literally the easiest job... just make sure she doesn't bite his face off or something."

I didn't say anything as I returned my attention back to the monitor. Of course I'd never tell them this, but... I missed her... L seemed to be the only one who could get remotely close without her going vicious... I was never the best at telling apart emotions, but I knew Matt and Mello felt the same... they were always trying to avoid monitor duty and somehow the task seemed to fall in my lap.

"Light's alive," she'd said.

Of course he was. It would be stupid to assume otherwise. But I curled in on myself. Maybe L was right... maybe helping her was all about listening and talking... I sighed, fiddling with my puppet. 

Why were human beings so complicated?


	14. Everything's crashing

_A moan escaped as pleasure knotted in your stomach. L's cool lips trailed down your abdomen, tickling and leaving shivers running up your spine the closer he got to your heat._

_"L," you sighed, running her fingers through his **soft** ebony hair._

_You squirmed, your mind blanking as his tongue writhed up your walls, the world becoming distant. Your heart was pounding loudly in your ears, drowning everything out as your fingers tightened against his scalp. You were so close... you could feel the pressure swelling, your toes curling as you threw your head back. But before you could climax, L moved back to your lips, catching them passionately. Excitedly, you dragged your tongue along his smooth jaw, the pale skin practically glowing in the moonlight. L let out a husky sound, his grey eyes glazing over and swaying into your motion. You brought your tongue lower, loving the taste, the feelings, it made your chest swell. When you got to his abdomen, you paused, noticing a faint scar. It was so light and easy to miss, blended in with the rest of the skin. Kissing it gently, your eyes rolled up to his._

_"Where'd you get this?"_

_L faltered, his eyes snapping open. You stared at him, thinking you may have struck a nerve. He shifted, his gaze meeting yours, different emotions flickering through his eyes. L gave a small smile though, bringing your face up to his._

_"It's nothing," he rumbled nonchalantly, "something I got when I was 13. I guess even prodigies are dumb at that age."_

_He laughed, but there was something behind it. You watched him, but he attached his lips to your neck and you gasped, reveling in the way his teeth grazed your skin and sucked on the soft part. His fingers were cold yet left a trail of fire as they ran up your sides._

_"Bu--"_

_"Y/n, I know you. Please don't worry about it. It was a long time ago."_

_As if to prove a point, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling your against his body, chuckling into the dip of your shoulder. You giggled as he pulled you close, playfully showering you with small kisses. All his muscles felt sharp, moving languidly yet with purpose. You groaned, sliding your hands up his back, kissing him deeply._

* * *

"Playing therapist again?" You chuckled sardonically, stretched out on the bed.

L's brow quirked, but he simply watched you.

"You don't have to answer."

"But if I don't, you're going to assume something's wrong with me... even though I'm _perfectly_ fine," you snapped.

He was licking a popsicle. L had given you one too, but you couldn't bring yourself to eat it. Lately you'd been feeling much more... angry... and just... worn-out. Like someone was constantly jamming an annoying hot rod through your skull. It felt like a constant chore to keep yourself together, like for some reason your mind wanted to break down. But damn if you were going to say it. As long as you told yourself everything was okay, it was. You were fine. Everything. Was. **Fine**. 

L simply continued eating his popsicle calmly, rolling his shoulders.

"If you feel you are, then I suppose you're fine."

"Yeah," you growled pointedly, "I am."

There was a beat where neither of you said anything.

"But I mean--"

"Goddamnit, L! Stop trying to poke into some darker part of my psyche that's not there!"

He threw up his hands defensively, nibbling on the corner of his popsicle.

"Whatever you say."

"Stop agreeing with me."

"Ok."

You pursed your lips to his cocky smirk. He opened his mouth and you thought he might try asking questions again, but simply motioned towards your uneaten and now dripping popsicle.

"Are you going to eat that?"

Giving in to the anger, you sourly bit into the popsicle. He tilted his head, pouting dramatically while he watched you.

"Are you sure you're not angry? Cause you're giving off serious 'I'm pissed and want the world engulfed in flames' vibes."

"Maybe you should let me go then. Anyone would get moody in this loony-bin... am I your prisoner or something?"

The kiss kept replaying in your mind. It reminded you of how things had been before, and to your shock, it made you furious. Why? You'd managed to convince yourself you didn't love L, so why were you feeling so angry lately? A little voice taunted the back of your mind, ' _Something had been stolen from you... a piece of your soul_ ' no, it couldn't be true... was that why you were so angry? A part of you knew it wasn't fair to lash out... you couldn't turn it off. L was visibly stunned by your question, not seeming able to answer it....He was flustered...

"N-no... o-of course not--"

"Then why am I here? I don't want to think about it! I want to go home," You demanded, a heat rising up your chest.

L's eyes widened, shaking his head slightly.

"Y-you're not... I want to hel--"

"I just want my old life back," you seethed, surprising yourself.

The two of you stared at each other. The popsicle in L's hand pooled on the concrete floor. He hesitated, his eyes going to the melting treat, his voice a low mumble.

"Which life?"

The question was so simple, but you felt your skin going hot at the thought. A week ago you would've said back to your life with the Kingdom. Your life with L felt so long ago, but just thinking about it made the anger waver. Inhaling sharply, you stubbornly gave your back to him.

"I miss it... that's all..."

He was deathly silent. So quiet that for a second, you thought he'd left, but when he spoke, the hot anger froze in your body. His voice was so soft. 

"I know it's not fair... you... you feel like someone's taken everything you are and you want it back, but you feel like you can't get it... you're wondering if you've really lost the person you were before and you don't even know who to blame... your mind doesn't even accept it's happened. So you'll spend God knows how long telling yourself nothing happened, forcing yourself to believe you weren't hurt," the voice somehow managed to go even quieter, even softer, "you're angry that you feel so lost and confused when you weren't before... I understand," he added in a whisper.

You twisted, scanning him. His eyes darted. He gave a tired smile, clearing his throat as he threw the rest of the popsicle into a trash-bag, unfinished.

"L--?"

Before you could ask though, he was retreating, scurrying out of the room without looking at you. A tremor overtook as you leaned back, staring at the ceiling, chewing your lip. It stung, but the sting was a good distraction. 

L's perspective

I leaned against the wall, every system in my body moving at impossible speeds. My head felt airy, like the world was spinning and I couldn't connect with the ground. I pressed my temple into my closed fists, trying to control my breathing. I pitched forward, screwing my eyes shut to make the rest of the world disappear. I cleared my throat, swiping at my eyes.

My brain felt so close to cracking, but I forced myself to stroll in confidently. 

"Are we able to defend ourselves against a frontal attack?" I asked as cooly as possible.

They stared at me. It wasn't lost on us that between the four of us, we weren't really the best at touch-feely things, so they didn't address it. A part of me was grateful for that. Near, Matt and Mello glanced at each other, debating. Matt fished out his game, indicating he couldn't answer the question. Mello was the one to rub his chin thoughtfully.

"I wouldn't push our luck... but... maybe? If the Kingdom attacks, it would depend on their numbers."

"Wammy's isn't safe anymore," I sighed, glancing at Y/n on the screen.

She was staring at the ceiling. My heart softened, watching her frame rise and fall. It was difficult to tell what she'd said, but I had to assume she told Sayu everything... I didn't have a single secret left that Light didn't have. I was an open book... it was an uncomfortable feeling. All the uncomfortable feelings were just piling on, one after another.

It was a pattern I was resenting.

They looked at each other, nodding seriously at my proclamation.

"You think they'll attack?" Mello asked quietly.

"Of course they're going to attack, dumbass," Near grumbled.

Mello opened his mouth to protest, but I held up a hand. There was too much going on for this. Nowhere... not a single safe-house she didn't know about... nowhere for us to go...

"We might have to look for a hotel," I heard myself say.

Matt snorted, turning his eyes up from his game, going for a cigarette nervously.

"Talk about being out in the open! You want to go somewhere where you won't have your usual resources and where the Kingdom might have multiple spies _and_ into a building that you can't even hope to remotely secure, oh **_and_** where Y/n might be able to run away, going back to the Kingdom?" 

My lips tightened. He was right... before Kira, I was used to working in hotel rooms, but this was different... my brain was hurting. 

Near gasped, which made my eyes snap in his direction. Near, surprised?

"L... there's something you have to see."

It was an arial picture of a nearby park, and my throat closed on me. There were easily 20 bodies, all gruesomely arranged meticulously, their glazed eyes wide in shock, their limbs spelling out

 **Miss Me**?

"Light," I whispered, the world tipping.

Mello bit into his chocolate.

"He's not exactly being subtle, either."

"Not at a--"

there was a gasp from one of the monitors. Our heads swiveled to see M/n and D/n, rod-straight, their eyes washed in red as they stared at the camera. Chills ran up my spine as M/n smiled robotically.

"Lawliet. It's been a while. You think you won? Especially since you're immune? Well I think you have something that belongs to me..."

D/n took over, having the same smile painted across his face.

"After all, what's a God without his queen? And since Misa's dead, well... I'm going to destroy everything you love and leave you a shell. I'll have my revenge, L... Hm, I might have Y/n deal the killing blow. Poetic, no?"

I was cold. Anger surged through my body, making me dizzy. D/n's eyes narrowed.

"I'm coming for her," he sing-sang.

D/n bowed his head in front of M/n. My eyes widened. Horror filled my chest as M/n wrapped her arms around D/n's head. I jumped forward, pressing my hand against the screen as a loud **_crack_** echoed in the room. The four of us went quiet.

M/n had snapped D/n's neck.

My fingers shook as M/n stiffened, her hands clawing at her chest as she collapsed, her eyes permanently open. Mello froze, watching them intently... and then he straightened... and... smiled. The three of us scrambled away from him as if he were toxic. My stomach turned, the popsicle threatening to come back.

"Y/n was so chatty, you see. She gave us a whole bunch of fun names as well and even told us about some orphanage where we found some pictures!... I wish I could see your face watching everyone you love drop around you like flies."

"L..." Near squeaked, fear vivid on his face for the first time. He grinned widely, "That's right... I'm holding Wammy's hostage... can't go back to that little gem, can you?"

My body shook, backing away slowly as Near fell to the ground, wheezing in pain.

Matt inhaled sharply, his face going placid, "I'm sure you've already realized we'll be attacking the building... but I'm being nice, see? Giving you a head start. So run, run, little Lawli, try to find a place to hide," he giggled shrilly, "we'll find you no matter where you go," Matt shriveled to the ground, convulsing.

"Matt!"

Everything was crashing.

Everything crashing.

Terror clawed up my throat as Mello walked dazedly past me... and started smashing his temple into the concrete, until he crumpled... not moving. All I could do was stare at the splatters of blood splashed against the wall... crimson running down...

"M-Mihael? Mail?... N-Nate?"

I looked around, the walls closing in on me. The eraser... the pages... I had to... oh, I couldn't... everything... f-focus... the book... it was... indestructible... I just needed... I stepped back, yelping as I tripped over Mello's body. That sent any coherent thought out the window as I crashed to the floor, a dull pain spreading up my elbows. Oh, God... I was at eye-level with them now... A scream caught in my throat as they all stared at me with vacant eyes. My boys... a sob racked my body as I curled in on myself. 6 empty eyes... oh, God...

Everything was crashing.

I rocked in on myself, trying to drown out the world. In the past, I'd felt alone... but never like this... it all seemed so impossible. What was the point? Light was going to win... I trembled, the stress straining my mind, pulling it in different directions.

Finally, as if my mind took pity on me, I ripped loose a haunting scream. 


	15. Shaky Trust

Soichiro's perspective

"L?" I called, walking through the desolate halls.

It was an eerie sight, much too quiet for comfort. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up, and my hand instinctively went for my waistband, grumbling when I remembered I'd had my gun taken away when it got out I had developed a bit of a drinking problem. Stepping into the old investigation room, I froze, my eyes widening.

L was curled up with his knees below his chin, staring blankly at the floor. He was surrounded by dead bodies, blood splattered on the wall and the computer screen flickering behind him. The man was shivering, mumbling to himself. 

"L!" I called, rushing up to him.

Sinking to my knees in front of him, I gently shook his shoulders, but his head simply lolled forward, his soaked hair hanging in front of him. He was drenched in sweat. L shook violently, his body heaving as he doubled over in front of me. It reminded me of when Light got sick as a kid... Inhaling slowly, I passed my hand comfortingly over his matted hair. He didn't react... his silence much more worrying than if he was crying. 

"L! I'm sorry! Please talk to me..." A voice whimpered.

I glanced up to see Y/n, walking around the room, leaning against the door and waving frantically at the camera. At the sound, L's head bobbed slightly, but his eyes were glued to Near's body.

"L, can you hear me?" I asked, forcing his gaze away from them.

L blinked, looking up at me in a daze, the corners of his mouth twitching. My breath caught. His eyes were so... hollow... defeated. Working in the police force, everyone had this image of what L, Greatest Detective would look like, to the point where he was a bit of a myth. Now, though... I never would've imagined seeing that expression on him.

"Light," he whispered, shaking his head.

Light... no... I slumped, sitting across from him. This was Light's doing? I buried my face in my hands, sighing heavily. Like a million times before these past years, I saw Light's face in my mind. It was a slide reel. Both my children... it had to be my fault, right? One may have been his own fault, but two... two beautiful, intelligent children... Y/n cried out again, her breathing heavy.

"Please! There's something you're not telling me... I'm sorry if I upset you! I don't... I don't like being alone..."

That made L sob slightly as he gazed at her on the monitor. 

"I don't know how to get to her," he whispered more so to himself, "it's... it's hopeless... the Kingdom will come. They'll take her and they'll kill me," his eyes misted, the defeated expression morphing into a sick acceptance, "...I don't care if I die..."

"Hey!" I barked, grabbing his shoulders.

I don't even know where the surge came from, but something rose up in my chest. L started, watching me incredulously as my grip on him tightened. People always told me I was imposing, and his small frame and large eyes made him look child-like in my grasp.

"L, focus. What needs to be done?"

"What needs to... um... I-I don't know... um..."

"Come on, man! _Think_!"

That seemed to stir him as he blinked, signs of life returning to his eyes. But he was still shivering, his teeth clattering.

"We-we need-need to break the Kingdom's hold on Y/n... her mind is repressing the t-... torture. Sayu manipulated the situation to make herself Y/n's savior. In manufacturing such a situation, Y/n's memories are skewed. As long as she believes that Sayu never hurt her and it was all Mikami, we won't get through to her... I won't be able to count on her... then somehow... somehow we kill Light and get the items back... the pages... are indestructible. No doubt by now, Light's tried tearing them apart... but he won't be able to!"

The life sparked again, coming back stronger as he searched my face. 

"This isn't a victory for him... _it's a defeat_! He's going to feel humiliated that he can't obliterate them. I bet right now, he's screaming at Ryuk... probably killing someone out of frustration. But he knows I'll figure this out. He's scared because now he knows that his note is impermanent now. He'll need time to think of his next move. I need to snap Y/n out of it while we have time, but..." L's lip quivered in distress, "I don't know how to."

I nodded, looking up at her. She'd gone quiet, her eyes darting fearfully as she tried getting the camera's attention again.

"Well, she's been asking for you for a while now... did you guys have a fight or something?"

"Or something... I'm doing a bit of repressing of my own," he smiled sardonically. 

A determined look passed over his eyes as he looked at me, a dawning plan forming in his mind. There was the detective I knew.

"I have an idea. She won't be completely on our side, but it's a start."

He scrambled to his feet, almost tripping over Matt's body, a cry of horror escaping his throat, the temporary excitement dying down. He swayed, closing his eyes as he composed himself.

"Please hide the bod... please hide them. She can't know they're dead. Not yet."

I swallowed the bile in my own throat, bobbing my head as he raced towards the door. 

Being alone _was_ scaring you. When you were alone, the voices came back in your mind, horrible screaming... your screaming... oh, God, you were in pain... burning, terrible gashes and blood dripping...

"L!" You shrieked, a cry racking your body.

The anger had completely dissipated. Now you just wanted the voices to stop... The door opened and he came stumbling in, his face pale. You tilted your head, the screaming in your mind dying down. He looked shaken.

"What happened?"

His eyes flickered in debate. L stepped towards you, his mouth opening and closing in uncertainty. When he stopped in front of you, you saw a myriad of expressions. He chewed his thumb nervously, taking in a shaky breath. He was close now, so close you could almost feel his breath on your lips.

"The boys are on break... kill me."

You started, staring at him in disbelief.

"W-what!?"

"Choke me or stab my eye out. You've got five minutes... come on, Y/n. You can be creative. Just go ahead and do it."

 _This is you chance! Do something_! But all you could do was stare at him. Was he stupid or something? Of course you would! Of course... you... your hands wrapped around his throat. L made a muffled sound, but didn't fight your grip. Your fingers trembled, your vision blurring as if you were the one being choked. L coughed, his brow scrunching, but his body remained limp. Why wasn't he fighting back?! Damn it! Growling, you let go. His eyes opened, wide and intense.

"I'm not going to hurt you," you whispered, the whisper more of a realization.

You couldn't... no... you wouldn't... the bloodlust that you'd felt for so long was gone, replaced by this strange emptiness. His eyes flickered, a warm hope spreading through his irises. He quickly disguised it, still watching you warily.

"Suit yourself. Follow me... we're going to look for Sayu together from a different location."

"...Excuse me?"

"I said we're going to lo--"

"Yeah, I know what you said..." you glared at him incredulously, huffing a laugh, "what makes you think I'd help you?"

L paused by a panel, taking it out and fiddling with some wires. You watched in interest as he tugged at his lip, poking at one of the wires before shrugging. As he poked at it, the camera crackled, computers beeping loudly as footage was deleted.

"Because you have about as much of an idea where she is as I do. You want to find... your master... but with a simple wave of my hand to the camera, you'll be the most wanted person on this planet, which means accessing any resources will tip off at least five agencies. I want to find her, you want to find her, let's pool our minds and then when we do, you can do whatever you want. Join them? Sure why not. Logic would dictate that if they'll come here and attack eventually, but you must understand, we can't leave you here. Near suggested sedating and transporting you, but I found this to be the more appealing option."

You blinked, gaping.

"You're a manipulative son of a bitch, aren't you..."

He turned to you, quickly pecking your lips. You stiffened, the feeling making your toes curl as he returned to his wires, but you could feel the urgency behind the kiss.

"And yet you fell for me," he answered amusedly. 

"L... did something happen?"

"My love for you grew exponentially," he quipped absently.

Your brow furrowed. Well, that was bullshit.

"Oh, please. Fuck you," you grumbled.

"That would be nice, but I'm afraid our audience will return before we can finish."

Heat spread up your cheeks. What was going on? You leaned against the wall, your eyes widening when you noticed Soichiro for the first time. He was standing in the doorway, watching you with misted eyes.

Your feet moved on their own. L whipped around, but paused when you enveloped Soichiro into a hug. The older man stuttered in surprise, glancing down at you. Were you crying? It was hard to tell. You didn't even know why you did it. It was just Soichiro... but your heart swelled as you pulled him into another hug, a strange happiness going through you. L's head tilted, and for just a second you thought you could see a flash of envy. 

"At least her flight risk has gone down 57%... Technically, you still can't be completely unsupervised, which is where Mr Yagami comes in..."

Soichiro nodded slightly, shifting at your smile. L cleared his throat, holding out a bag to you. You faltered, your nose wrinkling as you took it, sifting through its contents. Food, fake IDs, money. 

"Come on, we have to go."

"Why? Doesn't the building have everything we need? Are the boys coming too? L, slow down!"

L slung a bag of his own around his shoulder and handed a third to Soichiro. He sighed heavily but accepted it, his eyes sliding over to you. For the first time, you noticed Soichiro's face was pale, his hands shaking. L didn't look at you as he spoke, and suspicion played in your mind. 

"The boys will be working the investigation from here. I know you don't care about them right now... but I do. And I'm pretty sure you told Sayu their names. So we're leaving and starting our own investigation. Hopefully some distance will ensure their safety. If Light and Sayu think we're divided, they'll be less likely to attack."

He was lying to you... what about you couldn't tell... usually he was an amazing liar, able to deceive the quickest of criminals. Criminals... was that what he was seeing you as? Your heart tugged at the thought... that's not what you wanted. He wasn't meeting your eyes... that's how you knew it was a lie. You tapped your fingers in annoyance at the realization.

"You're lying about something."

Soichiro froze, glancing between the two of you worriedly. He took a step away, pretending to sift through the contents of his bag.

L finally met your face, his own hidden behind a mask. You straightened, holding his eyes challengingly. 

"First, you're keeping something from me and now you're lying. If you're going to lie, do it to my face."

His eyes flickered, and for a second you thought he'd retreat. But he simply held your gaze, and you could tell he was choosing his words carefully. His eyes were cold, analyzing. 

"We're running against a clock. The worst clocks are the ones when you have no idea how much time you have... and I don't. I need a team I can count on. Quite frankly I don't trust you not to get me and everyone we once loved killed... so I'm being as honest as I can, which is not completely. Are you going to help me or not? Either way, you're not staying in this building."

"So I am your prisoner," you whispered, brow quirking.

He swayed on the balls of his heels, his lips close. His eyes looked torn between wanting to lean in and away, but you waited expectantly for a response. Instead of answering though, he moved away.

His voice went to a low rasp, full of regret, "you have no idea how much I love you, but right now I have to think about the boys."

Your stomach roiled, something in your mind twisting. He was breathing heavily, his nostrils flaring and his eyes glassy. L's eyes darted to the floor. You opened your mouth, but it was like the words were stuck in your throat, but then again... what could you even say? You didn't even trust yourself at the moment... your entire system felt off-kilter. Nodding numbly, you followed the two of them out the door. 


	16. Smiling

"Really? A hotel? Not really secure," you said curiously.

L tossed his bag onto the bed, collapsing with a sigh. The three of you had traveled all day and now it was night, the moon cast high in the sky. Soichiro drummed his fingers nervously.

"Um, which bed do I--"

"Relax, Mr. Yagami. Please don't be afraid to take the other bed. My insomnia will be enough supervision."

You rolled your eyes, sitting next to L. He was still on his back, face pointed towards the ceiling. But his eyes slid in your direction, grey flickering. L's fingers went into his pocket mindlessly as he sighed.

"I agree it's not ideal... but before we built the building for Kira, I was quite used to solving cases in a hotel room. Evidence and thought power won't change based on your location."

Hm. You didn't say anything as you pulled your knees below your chin, tracing your scars as L closed his eyes.

"Alright... how do we find them? What evidence do we have so far?" you asked. 

He was quiet at first, but then sat up in a crouch, typing something into his laptop and twisting it in your direction. So many bodies spelling the words **Miss Me**? You gaped, your voice coming out smaller than you meant it to.

"Kira did that?"

L's brow quirked.

"Honestly, why are you shocked? You know the numbers."

You nodded absently. Hundreds of thousands of people... but they were just numbers, inconceivable without a real reference. Seeing them litter a regular park, their bodies contorted unnaturally and their eyes permanently open and glazed over... it made you shift uncomfortably.

There was a tense silence where L simply watched you, his eyes debating and analyzing. You scrambled to piece something together, knowing it sounded lame... and it felt lame...

"They, um... they deserve it... they're rotten criminals," you croaked, trying to convince yourself.

L's gaze never changed.

"And it's Kira's right to pass that judgement? You know he doesn't kill just criminals!"

You faltered as his lip trembled, his face flashing in anger and sadness, his arms tightening around his knees.

"Kira's just a human! A god can't be a human! What gives him the right to kill, hm? A magic notebook?!"

"L--"

"I used to think I found my greatest rival! Oh, what a glorious game of cat and mouse!" His voice rose an octave, cracking, "but he's just a murderer! Plain and simple!"

Soichiro looked between the two of you anxiously as L breathed heavily, his body shaking.

" **He's not benevolent or fair**! **HE FUCKING KILLED OUR BROTHERS**!"

You gasped, your thoughts scattering and his eyes widened. L froze, his mouth gaping. Soichiro stood quickly, moving for the door.

"I saw a grocery store down the street. We need food."

The sound of the door closing made your chest vibrate. It felt like eternity just sitting there, staring at each other, ice hanging between the two of you. The air felt heavy, congealed. You tried to speak, but your throat felt closed off. 

"Near... Matt... Mello... t-they're dead?" you rasped, your legs going numb.

L curled into his ball, squeezing his eyes shut and hiding his face.

"I'm going to get them back," he whispered more so to himself.

He looked at you and your breath caught. His eyes were red and puffed, misting.

"You think Sayu has any say? She's just as heartless as him."

Your throat bobbed, your mind battling between knowing it was true and wanting to deny it.

"But--"

L's expression turned desperate, pleading. 

"Mikami was her scapegoat. What did she tell you, hm? That she couldn't stop him unless you did something? That she didn't want it to be this way?"

"I... yeah," you squeaked, your throat straining.

For a second, L's eyes softened as he looked at you.

"It doesn't seem odd that even though he was her subordinate, she couldn't stop him? Wouldn't that mean he was disobeying her? Did she punish _him_?"

It felt like you couldn't breathe, the world having a slight fuzziness as he continued, the pleading becoming begging, his features twisted.

"You're not curious? All these oddities aren't snowballing into a situation that doesn't make sense?! The Y/n I know always looked for answers!... Because just hearing about it, it sounds as though Sayu told him to do those things to you."

Sayu told...? N-no... he... no... Your eyes widened, screams echoing in your mind. Smells... your could smell your own flesh burning. Drowning. You couldn't breathe... water rushing down your face... but that was Mikami! Sayu was....... Sayu was...............

"She was smiling," you breathed. L stopped, stunned as you closed your eyes. It was a silent admission that made your head pound. 

You could see it... Mikami was stabbing and slicing at you. You trembled, remembered seeing the blood on the knife and she was... smiling... you shuddered, reality washing you until all you could feel was cold, making all the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. 

"Oh my God," you croaked, pitching forward, "s-she was **_smiling_**."

You felt sick. Nauseous, a cool sweat breaking on your brow. All at once, you could feel everything. Every cut and scar. Holy shit... _Kira's name was on your chest_... **you were missing a _finger_**! 

"I gave her the book," you realized, your body heaving, "their deaths... it's my fault... I killed them. I almost killed you... oh my God... it's all my fault."

You were vaguely aware of L wrapping his arms around you, pulling you close, his body deflating.

"Don't say that. It's not your fault," he said firmly.

All at once, you could feel the pain coursing over your body. Burning. It hurt so much... all your scars were on _fire_. Each scar and healing gash searing in pain. Rope burns... those were rope burns around your neck... choking. The primal fear as you tried to gasp in oxygen, but Mikami wouldn't let you. Water surging down your throat, drowning you while you were held down, helpless. You cried out, shaking your head. L nuzzled the crook of your shoulder as you shook. Stinging and metallic tastes in your mouth...

"It's not true," you begged, releasing a strangled sound, "I-it's not true! S-Sayu would never hurt me! She-she would--OH GOD IT HURTS."

You shook in his grasp, wanting to scratch at yourself, unable to focus on anything else. He buried his nose into the crook of your neck, steadying you.

"I'm here, I'm here," he mumbled into your skin.

"It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts," you choked out, fingers passing over the marks on your skin, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... L... I love you... these were all because of _her_... she did this to me!"

You wanted to tear them off, feel the skin beneath your nails. They were glowing a fiery red, singing and hurting. You sliced wildly at the scars, managing to rake your nails over the Kira until L gently held your wrists out, his breathing heavy. 

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."

"Get it off!" You screamed, trying to claw at the Kira carving.

Twisting, you yelled, panic flooding your system. You needed it all off. Your entire body felt dirty, damaged. Your voice cracked as you sobbed, your vision clouded as you shook your head in his chest. 

"It's not true! You're lying!"

L tightened his grip until you sagged, exhausted. 

"I'm here, you're safe," he breathed against your neck.

His breath was cool. Tears streamed down your cheeks, the pain dominating your mind.

"It hurts," you whimpered defeatedly.

L nodded, his soft hair brushing your face. He met your eyes, and you realized with a shock he was crying too, his entire face exhausted as tears slid down the bridge of his nose.

"I'm so sorry," he repeated, pressing a hand over his eyes, trying to either stop it or hide it.

You found yourself pressing your forehead against his, a wail escaping your throat. His fingers tangled through your hair, shakily hanging onto your scalp. 

The door opened and Soichiro froze, a bag in hand, watching the two of you. L buried his face into your chest as you looked at him, your eyes wide, the word coming out before you could think about it.

"Dad!" You called desperately.

You saw him snap into father-mode, rushing over and enveloping the two of you. L shook his head, trying to compose himself, but he only hid himself deeper into your skin, releasing a deep sob. He let Soichiro hold him as he clung to you. You leaned into Soichiro's grip, letting out sounds you didn't even know you could make. 

It was impossible to tell how much time had passed. The rush in your brain, the stinging on your skin slowly died down, leaving you feeling sore and aching. Your nerves struggled to come back from their high, trying to even out. Sayu... you sighed, not wanting to picture her face. Your head bobbed, mentally, physically and emotionally drained. Soichiro gently stroked both your heads, his eyes kind as he glanced between the two of you.

"Well I did bring cake, but I guess now--"

The two of you laughed tiredly. Soichiro slowly moved away towards the bag he'd dropped, moving it towards the table. L nuzzled his forehead into your temple. His breath mingled with yours and it warm, salty from the tears on his lips. 

"I've been feeling so alone," he said quietly, "and when the boys... I thought I'd lost everyone in my life."

You tilted his chin up, feeling his smooth skin. Porcelain and so pale it was practically glowing in the moonlight.

"I'm sorry," you murmured. 

Those grey eyes met yours. It was a gaze that made you feel rooted to the room.

"I'm sorry too..."

L pulled you into a hug. He smelled sweet, with a hint of coffee. You inhaled the scent. It was so familiar, so calming... your chest squeezed as you slid your fingers through his hair. It was incredibly soft, but dirty and matted over the past day, as if the strands themselves were exhausted. His hands smoothed over your back comfortingly, a steady rhythm that you allowed yourself to get lost in until you rested your head on his shoulder.

"I don't want to go to sleep," you mumbled, knowing you'd have nightmares.

L pulled back, his thumb running up your jaw. His lips tugged up resignedly.

"I don't want to either," he admitted. 

Nodding, your eyes shifted to the bag Soichiro had dropped.

"Well... there's always cake," you chuckled wryly.

The three of you sat around the little table. You poked your fork into the cake, not hungry in the slightest. But it was nice being here with them... you slid close to L, placing your chin on his shoulder. He had also smooshed his fork around the treat, but hadn't actually eaten it. He was drinking calming tea though... although you didn't see how it could possibly be calming. It wasn't even liquid anymore, but soaked sugar. L offered you some and for the first time, you laughed. It surprised you, something you needed to do... to feel...

"I'm pretty sure if I drank that, I'd instantly keel over."

L's fingers brushed over your knuckles, dragging lightly over your wrist.

"Who knows? You might've wanted some and then I'd be mean for not having offered."

You nestled your ear against his neck. His pulse was there, fluttering erratically. His fingers intertwined with yours. 

A resolve you didn't expect flared up. It was in the pit of your stomach, something close to anger... possibly anger itself... but more than just that. He twisted his neck, his lips inches away from yours, cracked and trembling. You met his eyes and realized with a shock they shared your feelings, their metallic nature making them reflective. You leaned in, brushing your lips against his. L faltered, his eyes sliding shut as the two of you simply felt the other's warmness. Holding onto his shoulder, you gazed at him. 

"Let's get our brothers back." 


	17. Water

Soichiro's perspective

I sifted through the newspaper clippings, sipping at my coffee. To my surprise, Y/n was awake, L still sleeping beside her. She was typing on her laptop, not glancing at me until I gave her a questioning glance. She flashed a smile, but something else flickered.

"Nightmares," she said simply, "find anything?" she asked, indicating she didn't want to talk about it.

"No," I sighed. 

It had been four days of nonstop research, a flurry of newspaper clippings and tv news, tracing back suspicious bank activities and trying to find a suspect. Scrounging for _anything_. But right now, it was a stalemate. They were keeping low and the three of you were keeping low. There seemed to be this unspoken agreement that the first side to step into the light would be the loser. It was frustrating, though. Y/n yawned, rubbing her hands up her face.

Of course I'd never tell her to her face, but she looked terrible. I knew she wasn't sleeping at all, only pretending when she thought L was waking up. After 4 days, it was beginning to show. Her skin was more sallow, her eyes barely focusing on what was in front of her. In the past two weeks, I was pretty sure she hadn't washed her hair, and now it hung in a greasy mat around her face.

L mumbled in his sleep, shifting a limb. She closed her eyes, folding herself into his body heat as his gunmetal eyes flickered open. 

"I know you haven't been sleeping," he grumbled, rolling onto his back sleepily.

Y/n didn't answer at first, but then sat up, shrugging.

"We have a case to work on," she mumbled.

I drummed my fingers. She wasn't taking care of herself... she didn't want to do anything except work on the case... just last night I had to practically shove some food in front of her. 

"I'm going out to the library," I announced, grabbing my jacket.

It wasn't a complete lie. I really was going to pick up more recent magazines and newspapers from there, but the route I took was long. It took me past an ice cream store I always took the kids to. At this early hour, it was still closed, but I looked through the window, Sayu and Light's laughs echoing in my mind.

Something sharp poked into my back and my eyes snapped, my pulse going into defense-mode as I froze.

"Don't turn around," A voice growled.

"... it's good to see you too, Sayu."

* * *

You had a massive headache, but you refused to sleep. You couldn't. L tilted his head. 

"Believe me when I say insomnia's--" he seemed to search for the right words, but was too tired as he rolled his shoulders, "a bitch."

Your brow quirked as you stared at him.

"Look who's talking. L, you never sleep."

"Yes, but that's buildup after years of self-abuse. You aren't used to it."

You opened your mouth to argue, but his expression made you pause. Stubbornly, you shook your head.

"I'm not tired."

"Then at least take a bath," he poked at your greasy hair.

You mumbled, turning away from him. Your heart tugged slightly, realizing the words on your screen didn't even look like words anymore, just blurry lines.

"I can't wash my hair," you admitted quietly. 

L's eyes dawned in understanding as he rubbed his lip. 

Water on your body was... okay... not ideal... it made your brain seize in terror... but when you tried dunking your head under the water, all you could feel was a primal fear, the thought that you'd drown. That someone was holding you down and forcing it into your throat. When you felt like Sayu loved you, you knew the water wouldn't hurt you... as long as you obeyed. But now there was a little nagging in the back of your mind, accusing you of disobeying. Of betraying her. So now the water would hurt you... You hung your head, desperately trying to silence the voice. Sayu's smile, as painful as it was was also a harsh reminder... You clung to it, your eyes twisting as you pictured it. L's fingers found themselves around your hand and you blinked, a tremor spreading over you.

"I want to," you whispered, "I'm just... really scared..."

"Well, I guess it's a good thing I need a bath too."

Your lips tugged up, heat rising up your neck, acutely aware that your cheeks had gone a slight pink.

It was all a daze as you let him lead you to the bathroom. The hotel wasn't the fanciest in the world, but it did allow for a basic bathtub and shower head. The sound of the water running made your heart pound, your thoughts going wild. It was rushing so fast and hard... you were shivering, shaking as you backed away from the tub, your throat threatening to close on you. L tilted his head.

"Do you trust me?"

You squeezed your eyes shut, but that only made it worse, allowing your imagination to fill in the images. Opening your eyes, you leaned against the wall, looking at him. He was watching you intently, thumb in mouth.

"...yes..."

Inhaling deeply, you peeled off your clothing, goosebumps peppering your skin. L seemed surprised, nodding as he slowly slid his own shirt off. Your breath caught. It had been so long since you'd seen his lithe muscles, moving under his skin with a strange elegance. Everything spun as you slowly got in, hissing. The water was warm, but not overtly. Even so, your chest tightened, the room's edges going fuzzy. Fear made the world spin.

"Are you okay?" He mumbled.

Instead of answering, you closed your eyes. You knew and hated how much you were shaking, your bones rattling. Was L in the tub too? You let out a light whimper, both wanting to stay and get out.

"We can get ou--"

"I want to stay," you insisted, your brow scrunched. You wanted to do this for yourself... if you couldn't even take a fucking bath... 

L was quiet. He gently pulled you against him and you tensed, feeling his heartbeat. You were still shaking, your body twitching in uncertainty as you risked opening your eyes, staring at his chest. It was rising and falling steadily. You were vaguely aware of his fingers drawing languid circles up your sides. That was good. _Focus on that_. Yes. Intricate patterns and dancing up your spine. They were so long and delicate, careful and purposeful in their movements. You curled against him, your teeth chattering loudly, a sob almost escaping. Biting your lip, you quickly buried your face into L's shoulder, each gentle lap of the water sending shoots of terror.

"It wasn't 23 days... when I was 13, I was much less cautious about my identity."

Your eyes met his, pressing yourself into his warmth. The scent of the bath-soap and L's soothing, rumbling voice made your shaking devolve into trembling as he continued. 

"I wanted to be out there, catch the bad guy... I think a part of me was just too caught up in myself to remember that the world is actually dangerous. I managed to put a drug lord behind bars. His gang was bent on revenge and managed to lure me to an abandoned warehouse..." he trailed off, his eyes distant.

You were paying such rapt attention, so entranced by his words that you didn't even realize you'd stopped shaking, curled up against him.

"I still remember it," he whispered, "it was so musty and dim... I had a camera and was ready to sneak up on my targets to get some evidence. They jumped me and tied me up. They didn't believe such a young kid was L, but thought I knew L's true identity. So they tried to get it out of me, until I couldn't take it anymore. I kept screaming that I _was_ L, but they told me to stop lying, and kept on... hurting... me. And nothing... I could... I could say made them stop. After a while, they decided they were sick of it and would have L come to them, seeking revenge for having killed me, whoever I was to him..."

His fingers left your side, slowly going to the scar on his abdomen. Your breath hitched as you tenderly touched it, feeling the faded but still slightly raised skin.

"They shot me there and left me to die... I was bleeding," his voice went low, "they were waiting for someone to find my body, thinking they'd report back to L and then the real detective would come. If it wasn't for Wammy and B, I wouldn't be here today."

You stared at him, and he quietly adverted his eyes.

"I'm sorry," you murmured gently.

"It was a long time ago," he sighed, rubbing a finger mindlessly over the scar.

Blinking, you kissed his throat. It bobbed nervously as he leaned into your touch.

"But it still hurts," you mumbled into his skin.

He was breathing heavily. L craned his neck towards you, capturing your lips. The kiss was desperate... on both ends... sighing into his lips, you wrapped your arms around his neck. A jolt of electricity went up your spine at how pressed against him you were, his member resting on the outside of your thigh. His tongue moved throughout your mouth, his fingers tangling in your hair. 

"Can I put some shampoo in your hair?" He murmured into the kiss.

You nodded, your tongues dancing as he massaged it into your scalp, pleasure spreading from the area to the pit of your stomach.

"L," you moaned, feeling his fingers drag down the back of your head.

His breathing came hitched in response, his hands pausing as he kissed you. As he did, he gently motioned for you to dip your hair into the water. Your heart jumped, but you did it, wincing as he softly washed it out of your locks. You sank your teeth into your lip, trying to use the pain as a distraction. Twisting back to face him, you could feel anticipation rolling in your stomach.

You smoothed your own hands around his face, your entire body pulsing and pulling wildly. A breathless gasp escaped as his lips ghosted down your neck, swaying in front of your breast.

"I was terrified how I'd find you," he whispered. 

The words vibrated through your skin. You gently kissed the top of his head, your heart going into a hummingbird rhythm. He was here... right now... your fingers trembled. He hadn't abandoned you like you were so sure he would...

"Everyone kept telling me you'd abandon me," you admitted, swallowing thickly to his wide eyes, "even um... h-hallucinations."

L's eyes were large. 

"Never," he rasped, hands smoothing up your back, "never," he repeated so faintly you almost missed.

You closed your eyes, the water still making you nervous, but not with the mind-numbing terror from before. Your fingers dug into his hair, a warm heat spreading through your abdomen. He gently kissed your breast, his tongue tentatively darting over your nipple. Oh, God... it felt... amazing... your back arched, your mind going blank as he hesitatingly nipped at it, rolling your bud in his mouth. His tongue was always good about twisting and curling... you couldn't focus on any one thing. Each touch left a trail of fire racing up your skin. 

You let your body move on its own, straddling him. He was hard and he leaned back, looking worried for a second.

"Are you sure--"

"I love you," you blurted out, your chest quivering.

His jaw clamped shut as he stared at you.

"L... everything is so messed up and," you chuckled dryly, "pretty damn shitty... But I love you."

The corners of L's lips tugged up. Leaning forward, you trailed kisses down his jawline, every action visibly audible as his eyes glazed over and he moaned. He pressed his face against yours, licking at your lips. You let instinct take over as the kiss became more passionate, consuming, desperate exploring. It really did feel like fire burning in your core... until he wrapped his arms around you, slowly entering. 

You made a muffled sound, your mind spinning as you almost bit down on his lip. L's mouth fell open as he pushed himself in, filling you. For a second, neither of you moved until he thrusted gently, his hips rocking. Your mind went to static, and you couldn't make coherent thought. Groaning, he buried himself into you, his hands running up your breasts. You threw your head back, daring to grind your hips forward. His pupils were dilated, the grey pushed so far to the edges, they looked charcoal.

He moved a bit faster, the water lapping against your sides. You grabbed onto his shoulders, bringing yourself closer and resting your chin in the crook of his neck as his hips snapped up.

"Oh, God," you murmured, an itch forming under your skin, the need to come.

L made a needy sound at your words, angling himself to hit your g-spot. Pleasure filled your brain until you were shaking, your toes curled.

"L... I'm going to... oh my..."

You bounced with the force, as his fingers went to your hips. 

"Me too," he grunted.

A cry washed through you as you came, your toes flexing as you trembled, fireworks exploding in your mind. After a deep thrust that you were sure would make you completely split apart, he groaned, coming. It was warm, filling you and making your head spin. Your nails clawed against his shoulder, wheezing as you rocked against him, feeling his member twitch as the remnants went into your throbbing heat. You sighed, sliding down. It didn't register that your chin was now only about an inch above the water.

"That was," you smiled tiredly, your body aching from exhaustion. You yawned, holding your ear against his heartbeat. 

L's fingers traced the lines of your face, somehow both cool and hot at the same time. Everything was a blur as he helped you up. The next thing you knew, you were horizontal on the bed, your eyes closed.


	18. Untethered

Soichiro's perspective

"Don't turn around," she warned again.

No. At this point, I didn't have anything to lose. Holding my breath, I slowly turned... and met her eyes. They were large, cocoa colored... definitely her mother's. She blinked in surprise, the knife trembling in her grip, but she didn't stab. I held her gaze, knowing my own looked guarded.

"You've hurt people..."

"I did what I had to," she seethed, her eyes darting, "and... it worked! Light's back!..."

"Hm? At what cost?"

Sayu's eyes flashed to her left.

"A soul costs less that a life," she muttered.

"... is that really what you learned from me?" I found myself whispering, "do you really think Light is some god?"

"Of course not," she scoffed, "this is Light we're talking about. But the Kingdom thinks he's a god and I needed them... where are Y/n and L?"

"So you did all their dirty work for them?" I rasped, ignoring her second question. 

She didn't respond at first, just gazed at me. Sayu must've realized I wouldn't just tell her where they were. Anger sparked behind her eyes as she pressed the knife closer.

"Why are you on their side anyway? It doesn't bother you they killed your son?!"

" _ **I killed my son!**_ " I snarled, a fire exploding in my stomach.

Sayu froze, her eyes wide. 

"... what? No. Y/n said she killed him."

"She ended it... she cleaned up my mess and now she's paid a steep price for that kindness..." I paused, examining her stunned face, "Light... didn't tell you what happened?"

Realization struck me. Of course he didn't. Her anger was useful to him. If she found out I shot him, where would her loyalties lie? But... I sighed. We'd reached a point of no return. At least... for me... She stuck her chin out, tilting her head.

"He said he didn't want to talk about it... Dad, look--"

"Don't call me that," I cut off sharply, "you lost that right."

I felt a strange clarity, a peace of mind settling over me as I looked at her. She was once my daughter... but she lost that privilege. When she decided she was willing to do anything and gave into her anger... all in the facade of trying to get her brother back...

I growled, my eyes narrow, "I'm not responsible for your decisions. But don't think they don't have consequences... you're not my daughter."

Sayu's brown eyes were trained on me intensely. A part of me still wanted to envelop her, to have her call me dad and take her home. But no. She was a monster... and I'd seen what she did firsthand. Sayu pulled her knife away, eyes misting.

"I did this so we could be a family again... You don't think I know I've become a monster? I had to!... are we really just strangers now?"

"We are... and as a stranger, let me ask you this. Are you sure Light wouldn't abandon you? That when things get tough, he won't kill you to save himself?"

Sayu didn't answer. She took a step back, eyes darting.

"I'll know if you're following me. And I won't hesitate."

"Same goes for you," I replied coldly.

She hesitated, scanning me until she turned and walked. A stranger. Numb in the middle of the sidewalk, the only thing I could do was continue on to the library.

Sayu's perspective

"Why didn't you tell me Dad shot you?"

Light calmly adjusted his collar and the cuffs on his wrists, an easy smile crossing his lips.

"I didn't think it was important for you to know."

The rage built up in my stomach again as I crossed my arms, leaning against the doorway. 

"Not important?! How the fuck did you come to that conclusion?"

Light paused, turning to look at me. His dark brown eyes had gone icy, warning me that I was crossing a line. For a second, I actually felt intimidated. But... no. This was Light. He'd never dream of hurting me. Gathering myself, I met his eyes evenly. He shifted, obviously not liking my challenging glare.

"It wasn't important because we had other things to attend too... and while we're on the subject of not telling each other things, why didn't you tell me you tortured Y/n? I had to find out from Takada."

"Why do you care? I told you we changed her mind and that's all that matters."

Light's eyes narrowed. His features reminded me a bit of a snake ready to strike. He examined me critically before huffing a laugh.

"She used to be very beautiful. How badly did you damage her?"

My brow arched. Did he seriously still have a crush on the woman who married his enemy and killed him? I hissed out hot, angry air, trying to control my emotions.

"She's got a scar on her cheek you might find unappealing," I bit bitterly.

He watched me intently, nodding.

"I see."

Mikami bowed his head, stepping inside.

"Sayu, Reki's ready to--"

He gasped, his eyes widening. I straightened, my heart falling, shock shivering up my system. Mikami collapsed, a knife lodged into his chest.

Light was still on my other side, his hand extended where the knife had been a second ago.

My body trembled, quickly stepping away as his blood seeped onto the floor. 

"What... the _fuck_ , Light?"

"Takada told me he carried it out and you just revealed he marred her face. It seemed a fitting punishment."

My nostrils flared as he stepped past me, casually stepping in the blood without a care. He paused, his eyes glowing red.

"I want her for myself," he hissed, his lips curled, "I don't want L to die. I want him to see what I'm going to do to her."

He chuckled darkly, sending a shiver up my spine. 

"Find a way to get in contact with Dad again. He says we're strangers, but whether he likes it or not, we're his children..."

Light smirked a gleeful expression, licking his lips in anticipation.

"I think we just found their weakness." His face went serious, a terrifying sight that made me shudder, "From here on out, no one hurts her but me."

* * *

_"Okay, okay. Stand there. Let me see if I can get someone to take a picture," L said, pulling away._

_You nodded, leaning against the building's railing excitedly. The cityscape was gorgeous... L gasped and you whirled, your heart seizing in terror. Sayu had the camera in her hand, Light holding L in a death-grip, his arms wrapped around his throat. You tried moving forward, but your feet were melted into the concrete, and all you could do was stare as Light smirked._

_"L!" You shrieked, sobbing as he slowly dragged a knife over his throat._

_You couldn't move, screaming wildly as the blood streamed down his pale skin, until L crumpled, grey eyes permanently fixed on you. Sayu and Light held him close to you, so close you could almost kiss him. Cackling though, they dragged him towards the railing, his eyes pale and glassy._

_"No! I'm begging you!"_

_Sayu looked at you, her brown eyes glittering._

_"This is what traitors get."_

_The shoved him off. A scream tore through your throat, the world crashing around you._

_"L! NO!" You cried out, your feet still planted as they approached you with their knife._

_"Please, no, no," you begged._

_Light paused, smirking. He turned around and pulled L back from somewhere, fully healed, but staring at you with empty eyes. Sayu chuckled, pressing the knife into your hand._

_"It's either you or him."_

Soichiro burst in, making you gasp awake and almost fall off the bed, a cold sweat on your brow. L shot him an icy glare, presumably for having woken you up from your 'much needed sleep'. You were trembling, the dream replaying in your mind. Forcing a smile, you numbly got back on the bed, the terror dissipating. Soichiro slapped an old article on table proudly, breathing heavily.

You scrambling over, tilting your head to see that it was an old article about an even older text. As if the text itself wasn't old, the article was faded, the pages slightly curled in with a distinct musty smell. Soichiro cleared his throat.

"It's happened before. Presumably the last time an eraser was brought to the human world was in Ireland, hundreds of years ago, during the witch trials. An older woman living with her daughter was found with cardiac arrest and died. About two hours later, she woke up in a morgue. The people didn't know whether to accuse the woman or the daughter, so they searched the home and found a 'bewitching' book filled with names of people around the village who had died that couldn't burn and other talismans, including a strange white block. The daughter was accused of being a witch and burned at the stake."

You and L were gaping, looking like children listening as the two of you nodded. Soichiro nodded, but continued.

"Some claim they saw the mother talking to a demon and they found her burning the bewitching items. Including the book."

"But... wouldn't that have destroying the eraser killed her?" You breathed, sitting back on your haunches. 

Soichiro scanned the article again and sighed heavily.

"There's not too much about it. We're not even sure if this can be considered a confirmed use of the death eraser. Today's scientists say she came back because of the Lazarus Phenomenon and don't go into greater detail about the items..."

You tapped at your knee thoughtfully. A way to untether the eraser from the death note... 

"Once we get the boys back, we have to do it," you sighed, the realization making you nauseous, "as long as those things exist, this will _never_ be over... one side will _always_ be wanting revenge on the other."

"A war in which the soldiers come back is never-ending," L whispered tiredly, running a hand through his hair. 

Your eyes teared a bit as you nodded. What if this went south? If the three of you weren't careful, the two of you could lose everything... the image of L from your dream, mouth gaping as the blood ran down his pearly skin... it made you shudder. Soichiro wrung his hands nervously.

"I, um... I saw Sayu today..."

The two of you started, L pulling his knees tighter below his chin. It felt like you couldn't breathe, the world spinning as L bit his thumb, eyes darting.

"This... could be good. If we can figure out how to untether the eraser, we can get in contact with her. This could be a way of bringing the items right to us."

Get in contact with her... the thought of seeing her again made your heart seize, the scabs and scars throbbing painfully.

"I'll be right back," you murmured, going to the bathroom.

Instead of going, you sat with the lid down, hanging your head. Everything was happening too quickly. You just... you needed to recover... but you couldn't... you buried your face in your hands, shivering. Everything was too... without turning the water on, you curled up in the empty tub. The space was small and allowed for you to feel more secure. Out of habit, your fingers traced the carving on your chest, your breathing heavy. _Disobedient, disobedient, disobedient_.

 _Shut up_! 

You twisted on your side, trying to make the voice go quiet. Without even realizing, you'd been picking at the skin a little harder than usual until you yelped, a small drop of blood showed. Horror dawned over you at the shiver of pleasure at the pain. _Isn't pain what you deserve? You've been so disobedient. A traitor_. 

_Fuck_.

Your face went pale, experimentally dragging your nail a little harder across a scab. That produced a slight trickle of blood and your nostrils flared. Fear pounded your system that it felt... good.... A part of your mind kept urging you to do it, but you quickly shook your head, scrambling to get out of the tub. Suddenly the air in the bathroom had gone heavy and it was hard to breathe. You gasped, tumbling to the floor, a dull pain spreading across your arm. _More. More pain_. There was a light knock on the door and you sat up, heart drowning out the sound.

Composing yourself, but still knowing you looked shaken, you opened the door. L shrank back with those spotlight eyes.

"I heard you gasp," he mumbled.

"Hm? No, I'm, um, I'm fine. Come on. Let's figure out how to untether the eraser... everything will be better once we do that..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HO.LY. CRAP. The WrItEr's bLoCk these past few chapters. I love this story, but God damn it, sometimes I wanted to freaking walk into the ocean XD. I think I finally have a direction now though *laughs insanely. Doubles over as laughter devolves into a hacking cough*
> 
> Also, the Lazarus Phenomenon is a real extremely rare phenomenon where patients who have clinically died from cardiac arrest have kind of spontaneously come back to life up to hours after having been declared dead. It's interesting.


	19. Respite

Soichiro's perspective

I inhaled deeply. It was pitch black outside, and yet the three of us were working insanely hard. We'd set out an apple pie for Ryuk and called him a million times, but the Shinigami seemed to have a better deal with the Kingdom. So many papers scattered the floor, it was impossible to walk anywhere. L and Y/n seemed to have this secret language where they didn't even need to tear themselves away from the work.

L grunted. Y/n absently tossed him a chocolate.

Y/n tsked _._ L slid over the book she was strangely asking for.

It had almost been a week since I saw Sayu and I was on the verge of burning out. It was difficult to tell their state of mind. They must've known finding documented evidence of how to untether an eraser was slim to none... inhaling deeply, I stood.

"We're taking a break. Just for tonight."

They looked like they were about to protest, when I held up a hand.

"Nu nuh, I don't want to hear it. L, you're a machine and Y/n, admit it, you need the break. I'm going to go buy some wine and beers."

That seemed to make them start as they glanced at each other.

Your perspective

The two of you watched in fascination as Soichiro dug around the bags, pulling out a bottle of wine. L wrinkled his nose.

"I don't--"

"It's cheap, sweet wine."

That made his jaw clamp, his eyes torn between wanting to argue and intrigue. You stifled a giggle, wanting to try it just to see how bad it was. As you moved, you winced. The sweater you're wearing had long sleeves and was much too heavy. But you had a pen hidden in your pillowcase and when you could sneak off to the bathroom, you found yourself leaving... marks... with it on your skin, finding yourself... liking the pain... Without doing extensive shopping, the sweater was the only thing that could sufficiently hide them. Biting your lip, you pushed it away. Soichiro was right. You needed time to relax............

"Okay, okay. Loser has to streak down the hallway."

L chuckled, downing his umpteenth glass of wine. Compared to you and Soichiro, he was definitely the lightweight, already slurring his words after two glasses. 

The room had already come with a game of Monopoly tucked under the television. The three of you sat around it, already uncoordinated as each of you tried moving your pieces. L swayed, laughing, his voice somehow both deep and high at the same time. 

"This game's been known to destroy friendships, tear families apart--"

"And I'm going to destroy you at it." You lightly teased.

His nose wrinkled competitively and you stuck your tongue out. He swirled the wine in his glass. Soichiro handed you the dice, his eyes unfocused but giddy. Rolling it in your palms, your eyes narrowed.

"Come on, Mama needs a 12. _Fuck_!"

"Watch your fucking language," Soichiro chuckled, tipping his glass back.

You covered your mouth as you laughed, the feeling making you light-headed. Here, with these two on the floor, it was easy to forget everything happening. L struggled to focus on where you'd landed, scratching at his scalp.

"Ha! That would be um, crap, how much... um, that would be $58."

You pouted playfully, slapping the money into his outstretched hand. His lips went up as he held out his glass for more wine. 

"I bet the neighbors will really appreciate the view," he slurred challengingly, his eyes flickering over your body.

Your brow quirked. Just to be a bit mean, you stretched languidly, subtly shifting your breasts. L's pupils dilated almost instantly, Soichiro too out of it to notice. 

"It'd be less scary than you running naked through the halls," you purred.

Soichiro smoothed a hand over his face, his body heaving from the laughter. 

"That is a _terrifying_ image."

Soichiro sighed, sadness flashing over his face before his cheeks went flushed again.

"How old is she... 26? W-whatever. To 26 years of p-parenting down the drain!"

"Hear, hear," the two of you cried, holding up your glasses. 

He didn't get to say anymore as he tipped back, landing on the ground with a loud _thump_ and promptly passing out. L poked at Soichiro's arm with his toe, wiggling it in the air. L leaned toward you, nuzzling your neck. His nose and lips were warm against your skin, his smile making you squirm happily.

"I think," he murmured, "my official... official deduction IS THAT.... he's drunk!"

"No shit, Sherlock," you huffed, running your fingers up his cheek. 

L moved his lips along your hand, his eyes glazed. His hands snaked around your abdomen, burying his face into your hair.

"Pretty," he sighed, his fingers dragging up and down your stomach.

"You think so?" You whispered, marveling at the patterns he was tracing, each one leaving a trail of fire.

"Mhm," he mumbled, "I've um, I've been s-selfish."

At your questioning look, he held his index to his finger, dramatically shushing. His hands went for his pocket, an action you noticed he did quite a bit.

"It's going to be so special when I give them back," he hiccuped, taking out your rings, "I wanted to... to make it special... but I think I've been scared," he giggled, "with Light and uh... Sayu! Names... it's been hard." He slumped a bit against you, "shh, don't tell Y/n, it's a it's a surprise."

Your eyes widened, your mind sobering a bit. The memory still felt fresh, the rings glinting, begging to stay with you as you curled in your other fingers... Mikami's knife... In a daze, you took them from him, slowly sliding them onto your other ring finger. Holy shit... you gasped at the feeling... they were like old friends you hadn't even realized you'd been missing. It was so simple, but it felt like a wave was crashing through you, making it hard to think, unless that was just the alcohol. Were you tearing? You had no idea... all you could do was stare at the rings. 

"Shh, it's a surprise," he slurred.

A small smile crossed your lips as you pulled his face in for a kiss. You could taste the alcohol on his tongue, the sweetness that made his entire mouth so appealing. The metal around your finger was cool but comforting at the same time. It made you tremble as you pressed your nose against the bridge of his.

"It's a great surprise," you whispered.

L let out a light moan into the kiss, his eyes spinning. You stifled a giggle as he left a trail of kisses all over your face, light and feathery, each one making your heart jump. You hadn't even realized his fingers had been sliding up your wrist until he faltered.

"Different," he muttered more to himself.

"Hm?"

"More cuts... than before?" He asked in confusion, his gaze still unfocused.

A shiver of panic raced through you. As if proving it to himself, the cool digit ran along a red scratch you'd made with your pen, not deep enough to cut, but still a red scratch nonetheless. He nodded to himself.

"New?"

Instead of answering, you pulled him into another kiss. He made a muffled sound, his mind moving on as he tangled his fingers into your hair, the sound sending electricity through your fingertips.

L hummed something into your mouth and you glanced at him. Those perfect lips of his went up, the humming turning into "la la las". A laugh escaped and you couldn't help it, allowing yourself to slip back into drunkenness, grabbing for another glass-full. _L was la-laing_. He stumbled to his feet, almost tripping over Soichiro, but the man simply snored loudly. L held out a hand, trying to look suave, but the mixture of his slightly hunched posture and his uncoordinated feet did not produce the result he was going for.

"What you- what you doing?" 

"Nothing," he gave a cryptic grin, still humming under his breath.

You blinked, slowly taking his outstretched hand and yelping as he pulled you up. L swayed, bringing you along with him as he sang out loud now, the notes jumbled and indecipherable, but his voice made anything sound beautiful. His feet were ungraceful. You laughed, trying to pull him into more rhythmic movements. For a moment or two, it worked, and you were drunkenly dancing with him as he sighed into your skin, moving slowly to his low humming. It sent shivers up your spine, and for a moment, everything really was okay.

He tugged you towards him. You gasped, your feet going over each other as you tripped, falling against him. At this point, L was so drunk, he couldn't catch you and the two of you crashed, you sprawled on top. He groaned, rubbing his head.

"That hurt," he snorted.

"Aww, that sucks," you sighed, bringing his head forward and kissing the top of it.

L beamed, the moon from outside making his porcelain skin glow. His hair was plastered around his face like a dark halo, making your breath catch as you kissed him more slowly. He returned it tenderly, his large orbs dreamy.

"Who won?" You murmured, not able to remember.

He gave a wild, unapologetically sinful smile. 

"New rule. No winner or loser, just gotta come, come with me."

The hallway was dimly lit outside as L attempted running with your hand in his. Key word: attempted. He paused in front of a closet, winking as he expertly picked the lock, and you chuckled.

"You pick locks?"

"Only the-the best do," he chirped, bumping the door of the closet open.

L was kissing you before the door had even closed fully, his hands sliding under your shirt and roaming over your back. You arched into his digits, their coolness spreading goosebumps wherever they passed. 

"Y/n," he breathed your name, sliding your shirt over your head.

You gasped, quickly twisting your arms to hide the pen-marks. He paused, his lips ghosting over them.

"Huh?"

L's brow furrowed, as if realizing something was a bit off on your skin, but soon he was dragging his lips up your arms. Breathing in deeply, you pulled him closer, the darkness of the closet making your heart pound. 

"L," you moaned quietly, your breath catching as his tongue darted over your nipple. It went erect, so hard it even hurt a little.

His hips ground hearing his name, his member hard through his pants. It sent your skin itching, a volcano bubbling in the pit of your stomach. Clothes were swiftly removed and you hugged him, gasping as his hands and fingers explored.

"We're gonna, we're gonna get in trouble," you murmured into his hair.

"Trouble's my middle name," he rumbled, nibbling on the crook of your neck.

You hissed out air, each touch feeling like you were about to explode. A gasp escaped wherever his tongue traveled, and before you could register it or think clearly, you were horizontal, heat meeting his cool digits so harshly you were sure your skin would steam. 

* * *

Your eyes fluttered open, L sprawled on top of you, his face awkwardly pressed into your chest. Biting your lip, your eyes traveled to the pen marks, your breath catching, reaching for your sweater. You yawned as he grunted, sliding to the floor. L's fingertips went to his head in a confusion, trying to glance around the small space.

"How... did we get here?"

"Don't remember, but we should get out before someone comes in," your own temple hurting. 

You gingerly poked your head, realizing with a start you were wearing your rings. L blinked, his eyes going wide.

"No!... I wanted to make it special..."

It was hard to remember what happened the previous night, but you recalled the happy feelings, the warmness of being with people you cared about. A smile crossed your lips. A genuine one. Not any forced or convincing ones. 

"I think it was pretty special," you breathed. 

L hesitated. Sighing, he scooted closer. Last night, it was impossible to tell this, but now the two of you could tell this was a janitor's closet, brooms and chemicals surrounding you.

"I didn't exactly get to practice," he whispered nervously, "but, um... I wanted to ask you properly... healing takes such a long time and when we find our normal, it'll be impossible to tell what kind of people we'll be at that point, but..." he paused, giving a sheepish smile, "that's as far as I got on the notepad. Um... no matter who we end up being, I um... will you... be my wife?"

Your eyes misted as you scanned him.

"Asking me to be your wife in a janitor's closet, hm?"

L's eyes popped, glancing around.

"Right... we should probably, um, ugh, everything hurts."

Your hand gently wrapped around his arm, bringing him closer. He had an intoxicating smell of wine, sweetness and sex, all chaotically mixing together. 

"I'd love to be your wife," you whispered, your breath mixing with his."

L's lips quirked. It seemed like he didn't know what to do with himself. He nodded in a daze, fumbling with his clothes. Opening the door, the two of you froze, coming face-to-face with a stunned janitor. Grinning apologetically, you pushed past him, speed-walking away, your cheeks burning. L opened his mouth but quickly followed you, the two of you exchanging shy glances. 

Sayu's perspective

The issue had been challenged. Find a way to contact Dad. But if I could do that, then presumably I'd be able to find Y/n and L, making contacting Dad redundant. I could feel eyes on the back of my neck, accusatory. It was incredible how quickly they were turning on me. I rounded the corner and saw Light tracing the successors' names with his fingers, his brow deep in concentration. I sighed, sitting across from him. Everyone associated with L had gone deep underground, the orphanage, anyone under L's employment, even Mail Jeevas' girlfriend had taken an indefinite sick leave. I could tell it was starting to get to Light. 

"I don't know how to find Dad," I whispered.

"Find a way, you're smart," he growled.

I stared at him, wondering what was going on inside his mind. Before I could speak, his eyes snapped in my direction.

"I don't care how you do it... just know I don't take kindly to failure."

Chewing my lip, I shook my head, feeling numb as I left the room, everyone glaring at me. Daring me to find a solution. 


	20. Breakthrough

You mindlessly twisted your rings, loving the feeling of cool metal on skin. L wouldn't stop watching you pensively. It was always intriguing seeing the gears behind his eyes whir at impossible speeds. You met his eyes, cursing inwardly as the long sweater's sleeves slipped lower on your hands, making it a challenge to type. He rubbed his lip thoughtfully, methodically.

"You've been wearing that sweater a lot recently."

"Says the man who's worn the same outfit since he was like, 8," you teased lightly.

It seemed to work for a second, the familiar sparkle returning to his eye, but it was quickly gone as his mind kept chugging.

"The difference being that this is the only fashion choice I've ever loved--"

"If you can call it fashion."

"Hey, white will never be out of season and you're changing topics. Something's happening. You don't even like that sweater."

"Maybe I've had a change of heart," you said, throwing a little warning into your voice.

He didn't seem to catch the warning, too wrapped up in his own thoughts. L hopped towards you, his feet flexing expertly on the bed as his face tilted, looking owlish.

"A change of heart? Why?"

You tapped your fingers nervously. Lately, you'd graduated from a pen to a fork you kept inside your pillowcase. Now that was actually breaking skin. It was constantly stinging, but a part of your mind somehow felt like you deserved it... you shrugged nonchalantly, searching for the most probable excuse.

"I don't like looking at the wounds," it wasn't a complete lie.

Every time you saw the marks Sayu had left, you felt sick to your stomach. It was a constant reminder of 'disobedience', which made you feel as if you were being it now, which just made you seek out your fork. You don't even know why you were hiding it from L... a mix of shame? Fear? Anger? You sighed, scratching your arms consciously. They were riddled in wounds now, barely leaving any unaffected areas.

L was still staring at you. You chewed your lip, knowing he wouldn't push. That he'd be worried about pushing too hard. L shrank into his crouch, and you had to avoid those eyes. 

"Okay," he murmured quietly.

Trying to go back to work, you couldn't. It was like his eyes were burning a hole in the back of your neck. Forcing a smile, you tilted your head.

"You can tell me if you're worried about something... you know that, right?"

L's brow quirked. He hesitated before pulling up his laptop.

"It's nothing," he sighed, holding the machine up, "I think I found something."

Soichiro glanced over from his corner, swinging in your direction. Your breath caught as you stared at L curiously. He'd found a clue, and he was concerned about _you_? Sliding closer, his fingers ghosted over your knuckles as he read, his long fingers curling and twisting, fiddling with your rings. 

"This is a picture of an old letter equivalent of a suicide note on display in the Derry Museum in Northern Ireland. It's not signed, so there's no way of knowing exactly who wrote it, but tell me if this story sounds familiar...

_My Dearest Kelly,_

_The winter was harsh this year._

_I'm sorry, my child, for all the hunger and hardships you have been through, you deserve so much better. There are so many things I'm sorry for... sorry for killing the O'Malley's and the Petersons. I hoped their deaths would allow for more food in the village, but I see we will continue to struggle. No matter who I kill, another will take their place. So I tear this page from my precious note of death and pray my own death will allow you to eat. Beware the devil's book. Burn this page once you have read it, free this world from evil._

_I love you,_

_Shannon Walsh"_

You stared at it, noticing that Shannon's name was barely readable... as if it'd been erased... L touched the pad and moved onto another picture, very similar in nature to the first, with the same handwriting. He tapped his chin. 

"This was found in another museum about thirty miles away. It gives the impression of being written by the same woman...

_My mistakes have cost me everything once again. Kelly, I told you to beware the devil and his book. Why did you bring me back? Now that you have been burned at the stake, I realize I truly am alone in this world. Although I should say thank you, Kelly, for giving me my life back. I never should have touched the devil's book. There is a way to burn it and the block without dying. I will free this world from Satan himself. I will live my life as though you were with me on every step of the way, Kelly. Because I must believe you will be. I love you."_

You sat back on your haunches. Shannon Walsh had committed suicide with the death note... you shifted as L sighed.

"The devil's book and the block can still refer to something else, but seeing as she calls it her note of death, I believe it does talk of the note..."

"But it doesn't help us," You groaned. Soichiro shook his head.

"It tells us it's possible. That it has been done before. It's incredible Shannon was literate, perhaps there are more writings from her?"

L nodded pensively, scrolling through his source.

"Y/n, help me check surrounding museums and historical sites for more evidence? Mr. Yagami, continue a broader search for more supposed instances of eraser-usage?"

The two of you nodded.

Your eyes went bleary scrolling through the lists of items all these smaller museums had. No stone left unturned, even the most obscure, out of the way preservations and display cases had to be checked. It took the entire day, until twilight was fading into night. A part of you was losing hope when you sat up so quickly, you kicked L. He yelped, tumbling off the bed and you gasped, retracting your leg.

"Sorry!"

A pained moan in response.

"Eh, you're fine," you grinned, to his playfully indignant scowl, "but I think I just found something!"

L scrambled back onto the bed, Soichiro sliding over. Whirling your laptop, you sighed.

"It's not directly from Shannon herself, but from a priest in a nearby church. 

_I write this because I do not know what to do and must record all instances of evil that may cross my ears. It is difficult to decide whether or not this woman has been touched by Satan. She came to me and confessed rather incredible sins... murder and suicide and leaving the devil's work to her daughter. She didn't seem distraught, however, no. More so accepting, like a soldier who has seen war and who has ultimately accepted its horrors._

_She then did something quite peculiar. She looked at me and asked if there is any scripture on a devil's book, a note that can kill humans but may be used by a human. Stunned, I told her the truth, that Satan can work in very tricky ways and that a book is not out of the realm of possibility. She told me though that what she talked to was not the devil but a demon, a servant of the 'King'. Her ramblings took her on to explain that the King made the book, and so she is thoroughly convinced he must be Satan, a force of evil that can manipulate the rules of her book and block and for whatever reason allowed her to live. I choose to believe this is the fragility of women speaking, for I fear the implications of such a tool of evil existing. If it comes to fruition that a human may happenstance across such a weapon, it would appear as though the only ones who can control it are the Devil and of course God himself_."

"The Shinigami King?" Soichiro whispered.

You tapped your laptop's screen thoughtfully.

"It must be... I'm not sure what else it could."

A sudden surge of anger rushed through you as your eyes snapped in the direction of the apple pie still sitting calmly on the balcony railing. An apple pie. How could Ryuk not go for it? Growling, you rushed for it, the blood roaring in your ears as you grabbed it, glaring at the air in front of you.

"RYUK! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE YOU POORLY-PACKAGED PIECE OF HORSE-SHIT."

When there was no response, a guttural scream ripped through your throat. It was a buildup of aggression and sadness and all the shit you'd been feeling as you launched the pie from the balcony. Their eyes flashed in alarm as the pastry sailed through the air, earning you a guilt-inducing, albeit satisfying yell of pain from the sidewalk below. 

Huffing, you walked back into the room, wishing dearly you could punch something. They stared at you, shrinking back as you paced, practically burning through the floor. A realization brought a punch to your gut.

"Light's back... I'm not the owner anymore," you seethed, "Ryuk won't be able to hear me unless we're in range of the note! We need Ryuk! Of course we fucking need Ryuk! How else are we supposed to _GET IN TOUCH WITH THE **GODDAMN SHINIGAMI KING**_?!"

You paused in the middle of the room, chest heaving. They were staring at you, and you couldn't stop your eyes from tearing, your skin aching and the stress pulling at your mind.

"I just want to go home," you whimpered defeatedly, "I want the boys back... I wish... fuck..."

"I know," L murmured.

A laugh worked up your chest as you shook your head, your mind craving for your fork. You needed it, you need to feel it dragging down your skin. You needed the punishment... 

"I'll be back," you barked, slamming the door to the bathroom, breathing heavily. 

You needed something. Anything. The fork was inaccessible at the moment. You hyperventilated, tearing the bathroom apart. The Shinigami King? The task seemed too large. How was it even possible? What were you supposed to say or do when he was in front of you? A knock on the door made you pause.

L looked small, leaning away and slightly nervous. You stared at him, your fingers twitching, your brain screaming for something to cut yourself with.

"Can I see your arms?" He whispered.

"No!" You said a little too quickly, fear making your stomach turn. 

L watched you, his face betraying everything as he nodded, starting to move for his laptop. He stopped, looking to make sure Soichiro was on the balcony, out of earshot, before glancing in your direction.

"I thought I remembered seeing extra cuts last night," he mumbled.

You chewed on your lip until you could taste the tang of blood. Technically you hadn't lied to him up to this point, just omitted. Those orbs watched you with a trapping calmness, making your entire chest seize as you shook your head.

"Let's get ice cream," you chirped, trying to look excited, "to celebrate the breakthrough!"

His brow quirked, a simple action that told you how he wasn't buying it for a second. Tugging on his arm, you tried smiling again, calling out to Soichiro that the two of you were just going to take a ten minute walk for gelato. He grunted, still looking out over the cityscape. 

L opened his mouth. Your heart skipped, thinking he might reject your offer, but he slowly hissed out a breath, nodding as the two of you walked out into the cool night air. 

Sayu's perspective

"You look exhausted," I sighed.

That was an understatement. It looked as if Light hadn't really slept in God knows when. He'd been spending as much time as possible with his note, locked up in his room. Even now, he didn't look up while he talked.

"Gods don't need sleep," he mumbled.

My brow quirked at that. Tapping my finger against the table, I tried for a smile.

"But they do need pizza."

He wasn't even acknowledging that coming back to life was a traumatic event in and of itself. Light hesitated until I sighed.

"Please... you're human, Light. You need food. And rest... I can't lose you because you weren't taking care of yourself... I'm all you have... you're all I have."

His eyes had softened. For the first time since I erased his name, his eyes were gentle, his lips tugged up and I knew I was speaking to Light, not Kira.

"Yeah," he murmured, "let's hang out."

My eyes misted. Was it possible I hadn't completely lost my family after all? 

We entered the pizza place and I froze, my eyes widening.

L and Y/n were sitting at a table, L's back to me, both eating gelato.

He said something and she laughed, swirling her spoon. My hand snapped out and wrapped around Light's arm. Y/n eyes slid in our direction and she choked, her hands flying to her mouth. L whirled, his face dawning in horror. They were sitting across from each other, leaving an empty chair each on their left. I looked at Light, trying to assess how he felt about the situation. A family of 5 in the corner and 4 workers... He was smiling, glancing back at the waitress. 

"I'd like a large pizza for the table over there. The four of us will be sitting together."

His eyes snapped towards me, glowing. My heart plummeted. Kira. Not Light.

"Sit next to L. Y/n's mine," he smirked.


	21. Frozen Pizza

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I figured I'd put a micro-warning here. Nothing graphic or super non-con, but things like touching someone's face without permission, general closeness and uncomfortableness. In basic terms: Light is creepy sonuvabitch and the chapter's meant to make your skin crawl a bit.

BA-BOOM. BA-BOOM.

You couldn't hear anything. L was saying something, but it sounded distant. He said it again, more urgently, but it was like you were floating out of your body, just sitting there, sure your eyes had gone faraway. 

It felt like you couldn't move as they sauntered over. Sayu... she was right there... all the old insecurities rose up in your mind, making you nauseous. Oh, God, Sayu was here... your mind was spinning, making it impossible to focus. And Light... it felt like you were choking on air. He didn't look a day older than when you'd last seen him. He said something to the waitress and you jolted, that familiar icy tone settling over your senses. Sick, you were about to be sick. You were about to die right then and there, but you couldn't move, the fear holding you hostage. 

You were completely frozen.

L shifted, his eyes sparking in unbridled rage watching Sayu slide next to him. You stiffened as Light scooted in, too close for comfort. Your eyes flashed around the small place. Outside, it was pitch black, no one really walking the streets. There were four employees and a family in the back talking animatedly about some show they'd seen.

"Y/n. It's been such a long time," Light chirped brightly, "you're looking a little rough around the edges."

A shudder passed over your system, your face going pale.

Sayu reached out, gently touching your hands. A scream caught in your chest. You flinched, jerking them away quickly as if you'd been burned. The raw terror was consuming. Paralyzing. L's entire face contorted. His hand snapped out, wrapping and tightening around Sayu's wrist.

"Try that again," he seethed, his voice heavily laced with venom.

She looked at him, her eyes wide. You risked glancing at Light, but he had an easy smile.

"Come on, L. You want to keep appearances, don't you? It wouldn't be in your benefit if you were to be brought to a police station, where our people can easily find you," he whispered, "besides, any involvement with the police means they'd try looking for you in the system, and I'm going to go on a limb and say that's not going to work out too well. Oh, and they'll definitely want to detain Y/n for questioning about the Kingdom, and you'll be cornered... Mogi can't protect you in the way that matters... whereas our friends would simply help us out... really you stand the most to lose," he said under his breath.

L's eyes flickered to the family. They'd paused and were watching the four of you. More specifically, L's fingers tight around Sayu, her pathetic whimpering. All they saw was a man hurting a woman, their fingers twitching towards their phones. Eyes still stormy, L let go, his entire body trembling in anger. Your throat felt dry and you realized besides jerking your hands, you hadn't moved a muscle. Light sidled closer, a taunting smirk going up his lips. You shrank, acutely aware that your eyes reflected nothing but terror, the shivering getting worse.

"Aw, what's the matter?" He drawled, "you cold?"

Your voice was lost on you. In your mind, you'd practiced this reunion a million times, the things you'd say, the way you'd spit in his face. But it was all eluding you now until all you could do was squeeze your eyes shut, hoping this was all a dream. A high-pitched whine escaped your chest, and you sank into your chair, turning your face away as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders. L growled, a low, animalistic sound that made him sound inhuman. 

"L," you choked, wishing you could think of something more intelligent, but your mind was locked. 

You trembled, still not opening your eyes. As if this was all a bad dream. Yes. You'd wake up in the hotel room, and this would've all been a nightmare. Fuck, you were shaking. You could feel yourself rattling against his arm. He leaned in, his breath tickling your ear. You cringed, rolling your shoulder against the feeling.

"You don't want the rest of your gelato?" He purred, his voice silky.

You shook your head. Light dragged a finger down the scar on your cheek, the touch making you quiver in fear. L sucked in a sharp breath, and you opened an eye. If looks could kill... L was on the verge of snapping. _Don't. Keep it together. Please, L, just keep it together._ Light's finger lingered on your face, making it feel like insects were crawling up your spine.

"Are you sure?" He pouted, "it looks so good."

There was a large lump in your throat. You tried to shake your head again, hating the tremble your lip had. He shrugged, reaching over and taking your gelato for himself. The spoon hung from Light's lips while he examined the scar closer, his face a few inches away, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

"Mikami really did a number on you, didn't he?"

Your face tilted down, too scared to look at him. He touched your chin, gently forcing you to meet his eyes. The touch was so soft one could almost mistake it for kindness. His eyes were a burning amber, sending all your thoughts scattering as you tried not to whimper. The family seemed torn between wanting to watch the table and try to extricate themselves from the situation. L was shaking himself too, his grip on his water unsteady while Sayu kept watching him. 

"If you touch her again, I'll kill you."

The way L said it, so matter-of-factly... He sounded serious. Light tilted his head.

"And then the police would come. Honestly, Lawliet, we've been over this a dozen times."

L's jaw steeled. Light was still gripping your chin, his grin predatory.

"It's okay," he whispered, his voice worming into your mind, "you don't have to worry about Mikami anymore. I took care of that for you."

Your eyes widened at the implication.

"You can come back to the Kingdom now," Light cooed.

"I'll kill you," L breathed, nostrils flaring.

Still not taking his eyes off of you, Light smirked at that, his voice reminding you of a snake. 

"Won't that be a spectacle?" Light mused absently, "say, L, when you came back, was your hearing this sensitive too?"

L didn't answer, his death-glare sending chills down your spine. The waitress came by with the pizza, sensing the tension. You glanced at her, considering. She might be able to kick the two of them out... but that was almost worse... imagining the two of them waiting in the dark, calling for the Kingdom and surrounding the little pizza-shop... Still with one arm around you, Light grabbed a slice, happily biting into it.

"You know, Sayu, I'm so glad you suggested this. I really do love bonding as a family."

Sayu smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. You quickly adverted your own. That smile was dangerous. One look and you were terrified you'd fall apart, wanting to join her again. Light ran his thumb along your jaw. You shrank back. _Fight, bite, kick, do **something**_!

"You'll be my queen," he whispered, "won't that be lovely?"

"I wonder how many girls you actually get with that psychotic god-complex bullshit," you mumbled, your voice surprising you. 

It surprised him too, his fingers faltering. His eyes narrowed, subtly holding onto the back of your neck in warning, the action hidden from the people in the restaurant. You breathed heavily, meeting L's eyes desperately. L was shivering violently, his gunmetal eyes ready to shoot. Throughout this exchange, Sayu had stayed quiet. She looked between the three of you, huffing a laugh.

"Asshole. Light, let her go."

His eyes sparked. You started, looking at her. Light's grip on your neck tightened, digging in until it hurt.

"Excuse me?"

"You're doing this just to have fun. Don't let your ego get in the way," she warned in a low voice, "they're still dangerous."

L blinked, seeming caught-off by this new development. Light chuckled darkly, eyes flashing.

"You're forgetting your place, Sayu," he seethed, his nails eliciting a slight trickle of blood down your skin. 

She didn't answer, tapping her slice against her plate.

"Whatever."

"Well that was frustrating, wasn't it?" He murmured to you.

You caught her eyes. They were guarded, apprehensive. She was looking at Light warily. You got distracted... a shock went through your system when Light pressed his cold lips against your temple, his eyes never leaving L.

L snapped.

Roaring, he threw himself across the table, tackling Light.

Sayu gasped, rising to her feet. The family cried out, searching for their phones, one recording, the other calling the police. You scrambled back, barely managing to avoid Light kicking the air, trying to knee L's gut, the two of them blocking your exit. L howled, clawing for his face, but Light managed to push L away enough for him to get up. Your eyes popped as you jumped on the table behind you, making your own exit, hopping out of the immediate danger. L fell back, blood running down the corner of his mouth. He snarled, grabbing Light and sending the two of them crashing into the table, sending the pizza across the floor. They were punching and kicking, biting and scratching in a incoherent tangle. L yelped in pain, Light smashing his fist into his face. He tried using Capoeira, but Light pinned him, holding him down at a bad angle. 

Rushing forward, you grabbed the pizza platter, shrieking as you slammed it against Light's back. 

He jolted, but didn't let go, grasping the front of L's hair and slamming his head against the floor. Slapping the platter against him again and again, your eyes darted, falling on the metallic triangle to pick up the slices. It was dull, it wouldn't kill, but still. Diving for it, you could hear L yelling in pain, Light continuously punching him against the floor. 

"Y/n, stop!" Sayu commanded.

You froze, feeling the familiar desire to obey. Stumbling, you looked between the tool and the two of them, so wrapped up in one another they were just a flurry of movement. _Punishment. She's going to punish you_... you took a step back, vision swimming. Sayu was stepping closer until you felt small, unable to look at her.

"Why are you being so mean? Are you trying to make me sad?" Her words speared your mind until you felt like collapsing.

It was clouding your thoughts... L cried out and you snapped back into the moment. She'd moved between you and Light, blocking your path. Your eyes narrowed. 

"Why can't you just leave me alone?!" You growled, forcing yourself to meet her face.

She stopped, her eyes wide as tears forced their way down the bridge of your nose.

"I gave you what you wanted," you gasped, body shaking, "Do you want to hear me say it?... You broke me. I can't sleep or eat or take a goddamn bath... sometimes I wish you'd just killed me..."

Sayu stared, her mouth gaping. Breathing heavily, you screamed, surging past her and sinking the thing into Light's side. He yelled in pain, crumpling. The sound made the children in the family cry loudly, holding onto their mom while she tried to comfort them. The four employees were watching in a stunned silence, none of them wanting to risk getting hurt.

L crawled out from under Light, his face swollen, a black eye forming. Light moaned, trying to get up. You were about to smash the platter down again when you heard sirens in the distance. Your eyes met L's, wide with fear.

"Run," he rasped, his arm wrapped around his abdomen.

Dropping the platter, you wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling him towards the door. L coughed loudly, stumbling and almost falling from your grasp, his other hand never leaving his gut. 

From behind, Light fell back down, groaning in pain, holding his side, looking beat up himself from L.

"Follow them, Sayu! They can't get far!"

You pushed L through the doorway, convinced Sayu was chasing after you. Glancing back, your heart seized. She was still staring at you. Sayu bent down beside Light, holding a napkin to his bleeding side.

"What are you doing?" Light snarled, "get them!"

"You're bleeding," she replied calmly.

Not wasting the opportunity, you threw yourself against the door, the cool air rushing you. The sirens were much louder now, the lights shifting in the distance. Time seemed to crawl lugging L out, using the darkness to disappear.

Sayu's perspective

It wasn't too deep, the triangle was dull after all. I poked at it, trying to decide how much it would bleed if I removed it. No, it was just a flesh wound. Y/n probably knew that... I wondered if she'd done it with the intent to kill anyway, or if it was just to injure and buy enough time to escape. I sighed. It didn't matter. The family was huddled, too scared to say or do anything. I looked at them, chewing my lip. Even though what Light said was true, it'd be best if our image wasn't out in the world either. I'd have to convince them to delete the video. One way or another.

Light tried to get to his feet. Failing, he fell back down, throwing his head against the wall, his breathing heavy, his nostrils flaring. I moved towards the wound, but he moved away, eyes blazing.

"Get them!" He ordered, "Sayu... you've already defied me once... do _not_ fail... I'm warning you."

Light slapped at his waistband and froze. I looked down at him questioningly, seeing his wide eyes. It was an expression I'd never really seen from him before. Pure terror that made his pupils small. He looked at me, his voice a slight waver. 

"It's gone," he breathed.


	22. Not Your Fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Ao3 getting weird on me. So I definitely have 21 chapters uploaded (this is #22) but it only says there are 20 chapters. But I know from the reviews (epicpenguinexplosion you angel) that all 21 are up and available for reading. So hopefully this doesn't become a trend and it actually reads as 22 chapters when I upload this XD
> 
> I've also noticed this on my other story Falling where it says I should have 8 kudos but it's only showing 7 of them, anybody know if this is like a thing or if it's just me?

It would take too long to carry him all the way back to the hotel and he was sagging, getting heavy. He was dragging his feet, leaning completely against you, holding his abdomen. There was a gas station with an outdoors restroom. Shoving L inside, you quickly shut the door, just holding your hands there, needing a break. Your arms were shaking, your thoughts frazzled. How long were you planning on staying here? You shuddered, shaking your head.

L was sitting against the wall, his breathing obstructed. The image of Light banging his head repeated in your mind over and over until it was all that you could see. 

You had frozen... when it mattered, you froze... that familiar shame rose up in your mind, dominating your thoughts. It was all your fault... everything... you rocked on your feet before shoving it all down, forcing yourself to focus on the task at hand.

"Let me see your head. That was a nasty banging."

You moved towards him, but L shook his head.

"I'm fine," he rasped.

"Now's not the time to be stubborn. You know how dangerous head trauma can be."

But he shifted away from you, shaking his head until you sighed, staring at him. He stuck out his chin defiantly.

"I'm as stubborn as I want to be."

Your lips tightened, a sigh building up in your chest. You squeezed your eyes shut, wishing you could disappear.

"Please. Just let me help you. I can't feel so... weak..."

Suddenly it felt like it did when L was dead, that crushing, sinking feeling you couldn't quite escape... the idea that you weren't good enough, that if you weren't so weak, things wouldn't have turned out so terribly. You looked at him, starting at his owlish eyes, consuming everything. The spotlights that felt like they could see right through you. He shrank into the wall, his gaze darting.

"I was losing," he whispered, "I would've lost. He would've killed me and then went after you...you're not the weak one..."

"But we didn't lose," you reminded him gently, sliding to his side, "it's not your job to protect me, L... we do this together..."

He looked at you, his eyes stained red. L curled into a ball, wincing.

"You're self-harming."

It wasn't a question. You didn't want to admit it. A part of you was in denial. L's gaze held your own, and you knew you couldn't run from it anymore. That it was getting worse... you found yourself considering something sharper, something to make the pain more intense. Even now, even feeling ashamed thinking about it, your fingers were twitching, your skin itching, craving it. Inhaling deeply, you sat in front of him. Those sharp eyes stayed cool, but you could tell he was just as messy as you.

"Yeah," you whispered.

His eyes trained on yours. You hung your head, expecting him to be mad or yell or say you were too weak. The voices swirled in your brain. His fingers lightly tangled into your hair, passing over your scalp comfortingly. Tears prickled the corners of your eyes. As much as you wanted to kid yourself that you expected a volatile reaction, you knew it would be this. Gentleness. Quietness. Pensiveness. You pressed your head into his hand shakily. He slowly kissed your forehead, his lips smooth and delicate.

"It's not your fault," he murmured.

You shuddered, wiping at your eyes.

"I know," your voice wavered.

"Then say it's not your fault."

You opened your mouth, but the words were trapped in your throat.

"It's n-- it is..." you gasped, shaking your head, "it's all my fault."

"It's not your fault."

"If I just... Sayu... if I just held out a little longer... if I'd told them off in the restaurant.... none of this would be happening."

"It's not your fault," he repeated firmly. 

A sob worked up your chest, tears stinging your eyes. They were warm, trailing down your cheeks until you couldn't breathe. You were vaguely aware of his nose against the crook of your neck, just holding it there.

"I'm sorry," you choked, passing your hands up your arms, "I'm a terrible person. L, I'm so sorry."

You sagged, a low wail building in your body. He gently touched the sides of your face, making you meet his eyes. They were sure... confident. Intent yet warm in only the way he could do. 

"There's nothing to apologize for. It's not your fault."

Your lip trembled, latching onto that expression. L's thumb ran up your jaw, sending electricity through your fingers. 

"It's not my fault," you whispered. 

The relief on his face was palatable. 

"It's not," he mumbled affirmatively.

You sat there, shaking. Not your fault... for the first time, that voice in the back of your head was quiet. You blinked. It felt like freedom, a clear air in your lungs (even with the not-so-pleasant gas station bathroom).

"It's not my fault," you heard a small boost of confidence in your register.

L nodded slowly. You gave a short chuckle, exhaling.

"I need to see a therapist."

He gave a nervous laugh.

"Between the two of us, there won't be a single free one left."

You smiled tiredly, swiping at the tears. His eyes flickered over your body.

"Can I... can I see them?"

Your arm trembled.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," he clarified gently. 

Everything was a daze slowly rolling up your sleeves. His breath caught, his eyes widening at the long marks mixed in with the torture scars. Your gaze flickered to the ground and he cleared his throat in uncertainty.

"Can I, um, touch them?"

Nodding slowly, you gasped at the feeling. L ran a finger along each one, his touch feathery, before lightly kissing one. 

"I'm sorry."

"... For what?"

"... In general. I took so long finding you, and then I was terrified of losing you and--"

"Hey," you gave a smile, your chest warming, "it's not your fault."

L faltered, his eyes glinting. The two of you sat there, L slowly going over the scars. It was a peaceful moment, where the world outside didn't exist. 

"Thank you," you breathed.

You had no idea where you'd be if L had given up. If he'd let the police take you or if he'd stopped trying. Smoothing your hands through his wild locks, you allowed yourself a smile. A real one. Not your fault... the mantra was like a lifeline. The bubbling in your brain settled a bit, enough for you to come back into the room. Enough for you to keep it together. While you absently twirled his hair, he tapped his chin, as if just realizing something.

"Oh, right. I have the death note."

"That's ni... wait... wait, **_WHAT_**?"

Inhaling deeply, he unwrapped his other arm from around his abdomen, reaching under his shirt. He pulled out the death note to your wide eyes. A wry smirk crossed his lips, blood staining his teeth.

"When you mix together insanity, addiction, obsession, ego and paranoia," L coughed out a laugh, his skin pale, "you get a psychopath who wouldn't be able to leave the death note behind even if he wanted to... I just don't have the eraser..."

Different emotions flooded your core all at once. Taking his face between your hands, you kissed him, the taste of his blood on your lips but his taste still somehow sweet. He returned it, framing your features with his hands, his knuckles raw and bleeding. Your limbs trembled, exhausted. You shook your head, a light laugh bubbling up your chest.

"Holy shit... I can't believe you... **holy shit**! You, my dear, have a scary knack for stealing."

L dragged his finger down the side of your face.

"It must be true, I did steal your heart after all."

You flushed, brow quirking.

"You cheesy son a--"

Slowly taking the book from him, you flipped through the pages... Near... Matt... Mello... your parents. Your finger ran over the names, tapping your parents' in a dry amusement.

"They really were good for nothing," you grumbled bitterly.

"I can think of one," he purred, eyes darting over your face.

Your brow arched, leaning forward.

"Oh? And what's that?"

His lips tugged up.

"Your mother's fashion sense. Very nice."

"Oh my God. Fuck you."

"Will you? I'm so bored."

You narrowed your eyes, tempted to punch that cocky grin. The cockiness dissipated until it was genuine.

"We'll be okay," he whispered.

Staring at him, you nodded.

"We'll be okay," you affirmed.

Looking back at the book, you ran a hand over the cover, pausing. Meeting L's eyes, you hissed out a breath. 

"Ryuk?" You asked quietly, eyes darting.

"Y/n! How's that whole brainwashing thing coming out for ya?"

He was standing in the corner of the bathroom, the grungy lights reflecting ugly off his face. You stood in a daze, watching him. 

L grunted his greeting from the floor, but his eyes were hard.

"You didn't tell us there was a way to untether the eraser," he growled pointedly, "how do we do it?"

Oh, right... you took a step back, crossing your arms. Confusion flickered over Ryuk's face, but the permanent smile never left his lips.

"I... didn't know... there was a way... wait, there **_is_**?"

The hope that you'd been feeling wavered. You exchanged a look with L and saw the fear permeating from his eyes.

"The name Shannon Walsh doesn't ring a bell?" He croaked.

Ryuk tapped his chin, shrugging.

"If it was a Shinigami, it wasn't me... why? What've you figured out?"

You stumbled back, your hand going to your mouth. Not him... it hadn't even crossed your mind that Shannon's Shinigami would be another. Your face fell, another thought making your heart twist. What if you and L had been on the wrong track? What if all those letters and such had nothing to do with a death note? Panic clawed up your throat, but you pushed it back down. 

"T-there has to be a way! Can't you ask around and see if anyone's death note ever belonged to a Shannon?"

Ryuk tilted his head.

"I mean... I could... that's a lot of Shinigami though."

You were hyperventilating now, pacing wildly. Ryuk scratched at his chin, eyes lighting up. 

"I could ask Crin. The little rat knows everything there is to know about the Shinigami Realm. You owe me so many fucking apples for this, it'll make your head spin."

Crin... you stared at him, biting at your thumbnail.

"Ask him if it involves the Shinigami King... we have reason to believe so..."

Before you could ask or say anything else, Ryuk vanished. Bringing yourself back into the dingy bathroom, you exhaled harshly. One thing at a time. Ryuk was doing that...

"Y/n, can you come here for a second?"

You stopped in your pacing, glancing in his direction. Sighing, you bent next to him, your eyes flickering over his face.

"We have to figure out a way to--"

"Shh," he said gently, stroking your hair.

You faltered, your eyes focusing in on him, the action so incredibly tender and soothing. L's fingers trailed down your front.

"L..."

His eyes rolled back, his head lolling forward. You froze, your mind on buffer and trying to catch up.

"L?... L! Wake up, come on!"

Your fingers dug into his neck, relief washing through you at his pulse fluttering against your fingers. He was completely out though.

This was bad.

He could have a hemorrhage or concussion or hematoma. All the possibilities swirled in your brain, the realization making you sick. He needed medical attention... and no doubt the both of your's doctor had gone into hiding along with everyone associated with the two of you... your nostrils flared.

"God, damn it, I knew it! Why do you have to be so stubborn?" Your voice audibly cracked.

Emergency rooms... Hell, even clinics, were a hotspot. After all, so many doctors saw victims of abuse and gun-shot wounds that it was said they had the highest secret following towards Kira, none of them ever admitting it in public, but the problem definitely having taken root in society. You did a quick count in your head. If he'd been on his feet in perfect condition, it would take about 20 minutes to get to the hotel... now you had to at least double... maybe even triple that time... but if you cut through the park and down the far alley, made a couple of complicated turns... even with an unconscious L, you could make the hospital in 20 minutes time. But... the hotel... no... the golden hour... the golden hour was critical...

"Fuck it."

Twisting off your hoodie, you slid it over him, using the hood to hide his easily distinguishable hair. Gasping, you struggled moving him. He was completely limp and heavy. Growling, you managed to pick him up bridal-style, your arms aching and trembling with the effort, your legs slow. You stumbled, a bead of sweat dripping down the back of your neck.

Holding your breath, you pushed the door open, being greeted by the cool night breeze. It felt like every shadow hid a monster, a big beast with dripping red claws that might rip you and L apart. You slunk in the darkness, wincing at the sirens, not sure if they were after you or not. Everything was still on a tilt. You didn't know what to think... you didn't want to indulge in thinking about it. All you knew were that your limbs were burning with the effort. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The golden hour: the first hour after the occurrence of a traumatic injury, considered the most critical for successful emergency treatment.
> 
> Hematoma: An intracranial hematoma is a collection of blood within the skull, most commonly caused by rupture of a blood vessel within the brain or from trauma such as a car accident or fall. The blood collection can be within the brain tissue or underneath the skull, pressing on the brain.
> 
> Hemorrhage: A brain hemorrhage is a type of stroke. A brain hemorrhage is bleeding in or around the brain. It is a form of stroke. Causes of brain hemorrhage include high blood pressure (hypertension), abnormally weak or dilated (aneurysm) blood vessels that leak, drug abuse, and trauma.


	23. I Miss It

Sayu's perspective

I stepped out of the restaurant, crushing the kid's phone under my heavy shoe. Inside, the Kingdom's doctor was tending to Light's wound. Light himself was in a state of shock, either from the blood-loss or from losing his note, I couldn't tell. Takada bustled up to me, bowing her head.

"With a few stitches, Kami will be fine."

I nodded absently, risking a glance inside. Four of our Citizens were currently cleaning the blood off of the counter. Two police working for us were helping to take care of all the bodies, dumping them in large bags and into their cars' trunks, scanning the immediate area for security cameras. 

"Death note, death note... I need my note," Light mumbled.

My brow quirked. Maybe this was a good thing... if I could separate Light and he could drop Kira, then I'd truly have my brother back... I crouched in front of him, trying to smile.

"Hey, it's okay... maybe we should take a break, hm? We could go off the grid and just try life without the death note for a while."

His eyes snapped in my direction, sparking. They turned a bloody, rage-full red. His hand snapped out, wrapping around the soft part of my throat. Almost instantly, the room spun, the air being sucked out of my lungs.

"Li--"

"It's your fault," he hissed, "you're the reason I lost my powers... tell me, Sayu, are you actually good for anything? You couldn't find Dad and now you've failed again. Why shouldn't I just kill you now?"

My throat closed on me, acutely aware of the eyes watching us. They whispered amongst themselves, making my cheeks burn. I knew they'd abandoned me as their leader in favor of Light. But it stung, having been once thought so highly of now being asked her worth...

"I'll get it back for you," I rasped, the world tipping.

His eyes narrowed, but he released me. I sank to my knees, breathing in the sweet gulps of air. Light placed his chin in the cup of his hand thoughtfully, staring out into the dark street.

"There's a possibility L needs medical treatment if I slammed his head hard enough. The nearest hospital is a half hour away. I'd suggest looking there first."

I nodded rapidly, rising to my feet, wincing at how numb I felt. This wasn't what I'd been expecting when I brought him back... I wanted Light, not some supernatural egotistical Kira 'god'. Inhaling slowly, I went out into the night, towards the hospital.

* * *

Your perspective

Everything hurt at this point. You stood in the dark, still clutching L tightly, trying to figure out your next plan of attack. A doctor who wouldn't ask for ID or insurance? You clicked your tongue against the roof of your mouth nervously. An ambulance pulled into the hospital, prompting a slew of doctors to come out. Your breath caught, hope exploding in your chest.

Hina.

You and L's doctor...

What was she doing here?!

You were so sure she'd gone into hiding... ducking behind the bushes, as gently as possible, you placed L on the ground.

"I'll be right back," you whispered, jogging for the entrance.

Hina was a slender woman in her mid-thirties. She was going over some charts, moving from bed to bed. You slunk into the waiting room, desperately trying to catch her eye. When she saw you, she almost dropped her clipboard. Satisfied that she'd follow, you made your way back out into the safety of darkness, panting. That was risky. Too risky. She casually walked outside, subtly glancing back to make sure she wasn't followed before rushing up to you.

"Y/n!? What's going on? All I got was a message on my pager that L's employees were to go into hiding!"

You were breathing heavily, nodding.

"It's a long story... why aren't you in hiding?"

Hina hesitated, glancing back at the hotel.

"My attending, Yuki... I think he might be a Kira supporter."

At your wide eyes, she bobbed her head.

"The only one in the hospital who knows I have a connection to L is the Chief of Surgery. I figured if I manage to lay low and pretend like everything's fine, then I'd be too... hiding in plain sight. Maybe even catch him doing Kira-y things. Your turn. What are you doing here?"

You quickly took her to L, curled up on the ground, lightly groaning. Hm, it seemed he'd found shred of consciousness... Hina chewed her lip, kneeling next to him.

"Hi, Ryuzaki, can you hear me?"

She didn't know that L was his real name, simply that he was the detective, and that she was entrusted to be able to take care of him. He blinked, unfocused, whining in protest when she shone a light in his eyes.

"Okay, I'm seeing mydriasis, pupils are fixed and dilated. Stay here, I'll get a gurney. Patient Room 4 is vacant."

You nodded, your muscles screaming at picking him up again. L's head lolled forward, resting on your chest.

"Hurts," his lips barely moved.

"I know. Look at you always getting in trouble," you pressed your lips against his forehead.

He gave a weak smile, eyes flickering in your direction.

"Not into the bad-boy type?"

You choked out a laugh, pressing him closer.

"Only if they're like you."

From the doorway, Hina motioned for you to bring over L. You nodded, glancing around before darting forward, quickly placing him on the stretcher. L shivered, curling in on himself. Hina threw a sheet over him, looking around apprehensively. 

"You're in luck. An ambulance just came by from a car-accident. If anyone asks, Ryuzaki's a body from that. Here."

You blinked, taking a white coat and face mask from her in a daze. 

"Y/n," L moaned, prickles of fear evident as he tried sliding the sheet off of his face.

Hina's eyes flashed in worry, but she held down the sheet firmly.

"Ryuzaki, I need you to be quiet, okay? We need to get a CT."

He didn't answer. You steeled yourself, nodding at her and helping her to push it inside. Neither of you stopped to talk, expertly weaving among the chaos. The crash victims were bleeding, doctors rushing back and forth to save them. Hina kicked the door open pulling and you pushing. You kept your face tilted down, avoiding everyones' eyes. She stopped outside of the CT room, spinning a lie about the patient feeling safer under the sheet but still in need of the CT.

It felt like forever before the two of you were moving his gurney towards the room. Hina quickly closed the doors and blinds. You practically tore the sheet off of his face. His skin was sickly, his breathing hard. Hina crossed over to your side.

"Okay, not the worst possible scenario, but not the best either. Ryuzaki has a brain hemorrhage. For now, we give him medication and closely monitor the situation. It's rare, but if it's bad enough, he might need surgery to relieve the pressure around the site. I'll go get an antihypertensive and a diuretic."

Your entire body deflated, exhaustion filling your mind. No surgery... close monitoring... your body was buzzing on a high, your mind spinning.

"Thank you," you murmured, sinking into a chair. 

Hina smiled, nodding understandingly, darting outside. She came back quickly, doing what she needed to do. 

"I have to go, they'll start wondering where I am. Bathroom is down the hall. I'll come by later with some dinner, okay? Here, take this. Contact me with it if something happens to him."

All you could do was nod numbly, slowly taking a pager from her fingers. After fussing a bit more over L, she disappeared, leaving your pulse echoing in your ears. You leaned forward in your chair, not sure what to do now. Your body was still itching from adrenaline and energy, demanding that you do something. Anything. But all you could do was lean back, pressing your head against the wall, your nerves drumming. You slipped the death note from your waistband, turning it over in your hands. Think... think like them... you squeezed your eyes shut, picturing what you'd do if you were in Light and Sayu's shoes... your eyes popped open.

A hospital would be the first place you'd look.

But even if they did come, it was a gigantic hospital. And besides, you and L were safe here... right? When Hina came back with dinner, you couldn't even eat it, you were so nervous.

"I don't like being in the dark," you mumbled, "do you have a laptop or other device I can hack the security cameras with?"

She hesitated, staring at you. Finally sighing, Hina dug around a large bag, slipping out her laptop.

"Please be careful with it," she left.

Nodding, your fingers flew, Matt's hacking lessons springing to mind. You'd only practiced on his games, and a hospital's security system was a whole different animal. You growled in frustration, your mind straining. Matt. You wished he was here. Your eyes widened though when the security cameras' feed popped on the screen, showing the various hallways. Hina was tending to a rather large laceration on a leg, nodding and talking amiably with her patient. Okay... that made you feel better... less cornered and in the dark... but now that everything was settling, you slumped, your mind inevitably punishing you again.

Light killed Mikami... Mikami was dead... you were shocked at the shiver of disappointment that went up your spine. Shaking your head, you pressed yourself into your chair, thoroughly exhausted, your eyes fluttering.

By all accounts, it should've been a nightmare. But it terrified you that it wasn't... that you... enjoyed... the dream...

_You had Mikami chained up in front of you, his eyes wide and raw with terror. You felt... pure joy... slowly dragging a long knife down his front. He threw back his head, shrieking, begging for mercy, but you could only chuckle giddily, your eyes sparked with bloodlust. The sounds were horrifying, Hell, you could smell the blood, running down his front, staining his shirt and making his skin pale. Slowly, his face morphed into Sayu's, and she was sobbing heavily, her choked cries just spurring you on._

Your eye popped, a cold sweat on your brow. A part of you wanted to return to the dream... it was a darker part of your mind that actually took a deep pleasure at inflicting the same pain you felt. It terrified you to your core, a shiver passing over your system. Hand going to your mouth, you glanced in L's direction, sleeping.

"Can you hear me?"

No response. You inhaled shakily, your chest quivering. He was doped up, his face tilted and dark hair falling across his face.

"I've never hated anyone more than Light," you heard yourself murmur. But it was like you were out of your own body, watching yourself, the thoughts pouring from your mouth, "Even Sayu... even though she did all those things to me... it was all for Light," you chuckled dryly, "or that might still be the Stockholm syndrome talking, who knows? But it seems like every time I lose something, he seems to be the catalyst. My ability to healthily grieve, my happiness, confidence... my sanity... it feels like he's always taking everything away and leaving me with nothing. I've never wanted to kill someone more. I want to torture Sayu, even though I know it's wrong..."

You gazed at him, still not having said a word. Scratching at your arms, you laughed nervously.

"There's this hole of the person I used to be... I would give absolutely anything to go back to the way things were. When you were okay, the boys were alive and living their lives. It was never perfect, but I miss it so Goddamn much..."

"I miss it too," he whispered.

Heat rose up your neck.

"Oh. I thought you were completely out," you cleared your throat.

His eyes fluttered open, still dazed and uncertain. L's lips were chapped, but he moved them, his voice coming out breathy.

"I miss traveling the world and solving cases with you... I miss picking out cheesy movies and deciding what candy was going to be our dinner," he gave a slightly mischievous smile, "I miss having sex with you."

"Perv," you grinned sadly.

The smile died a bit as he nodded, "but I mean it... I miss everything. I don't even know if we can go back to the way things were."

You stared at him, biting your thumb. That familiar need to find something sharp. The idea that you needed the pain. L hesitated, his brow furrowing.

"I have something to confess..."

"Hm?"

"It wasn't for long once I heard your voice but when I saw I was in a hospital... for a split second... I thought it was because of you. That you cut too deep."

Your breath caught. Sometimes it felt like he could read minds with how scary good at psychology he was. The thought made you shudder. You opened your mouth to tell him no, don't worry about it, you wouldn't do that to him, but no sound came out. You wanted to hurt Mikami, but you couldn't. You wanted to hurt Sayu, but couldn't. There was no one to hurt... your body just felt it was logical at this point... even if your brain was screaming at you to stop.

"I'm sorry I woke you up... you need to rest."

You'd barely finished the sentence when he was out. You stared at his sleeping form, your brain roiling. Quietly, you slipped the laptop onto your lap, switching between the cameras, anything to distract yourself.

* * *

Soichiro's perspective

Ice cream. 

They went out for ice cream.

It had been three hours.

Fuck, I guess it was good ice cream.

I chuckled dryly, but kept my worried pacing.

It's not like they had a phone on them! Where could they possibly be? All at once, the different fears rushed my brain. Grabbing my coat, my brow scrunched. I had to find them. To make sure they were okay if nothing else. I left a note and slipped out of the door. 


	24. Nothing Like You

"Motherfucker!"

You straightened, your heart falling as you glared at your laptop's screen. Sayu was standing in the corner of the waiting room, talking to two police men. Your eyes narrowed suspiciously at the 'police'. One could only assume they were with the Kingdom... An older doctor... possibly Yuki... met them. They were nodding and talking in hushed tones, their lips moving soundlessly. You cursed, wishing you could hear the conversation. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, bitch," you hissed as Yuki began leading her down one corridor. One of the policemen went in the other direction while the second stood guard at the door.

"Language," L moaned, twisting on his side.

Your thoughts were frazzled. You stood up quickly, crossing over to L's side.

"No one knows we're here, but we can't count on that. If we need to run, can you?"

L's brow furrowed. He tried moving, wincing, his fingers pushing through his hair.

"It's all pounding... I can try..."

Nodding, you gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

"We might not be there yet... no, that's dumb, we have to move... _shit!_ "

L tried sitting up, hanging his head in pain. Your leg was twitching uncomfortably, the fear working up your mind. You swung the laptop back in your direction. She was on the first floor right now... you and L were on the third... grabbing his arm, you gently pulled him to the other side of the room. L stumbled, still on some mild drug, his hands holding onto his temple.

"It hurts," he groaned, "I wanna go back to sleep..."

"Oh, _now_ you actually want to sleep. L, I _really_ need you to focus right now."

He didn't respond, rubbing his fingers up and down his forehead. Pulling him in, you gently pecked his lips. L blinked, the action seeming to bring him a little more into the room. He scanned your eyes worriedly.

"What do we do?"

"That one policeman is guarding the main entrance," you continued sifting through the cameras, "There's 4 exits all together on the ground floor. The main one, a secondary one, and two emergency exits. And then there's the garage exit."

"Garage," L offered, "the less time we spend on the same floor as her, the better."

You nodded in agreement, your breathing still heavy. Glancing at him worriedly, you chewed your lip.

"You're still hurt," you grumbled, "we don't pressure to build up around the hemorrhage."

L swayed, seemingly coming back to himself a bit. His nostrils flared, eyes hardening at watching Sayu's figure make her way down the hall. He shook his head stubbornly.

"I'll be fine," he hissed, "now that we know where Hina is, we can find a way to contact her from the hotel."

Nodding, you slung his arm around your shoulder, heart pounding.

"Okay," you whispered, "we have to disguise ourselves."

* * *

Sayu's perspective

Yuki took me to the security room, a dingy place filled with screens of the hospital. The security guard looked up questioningly. Yuki bowed, getting close to him and whispering softly in his ear. I didn't say anything, the guard blinking but nodding, disappearing from the room... I decided it was best not to ask Yuki. There was something about the doctor I didn't trust, something slimy. A hypocrite who believed Kira had to cleanse the world of the scum but refused to believe that he himself was so. After all, he was a highly respected surgeon. Moving to his side, I crossed my arms. 

In all honesty, I didn't know what I was looking for. There was a good chance they weren't even at the hospital! But what else was I supposed to do?

"Play back the last hour or two," I sighed, leaning against the table.

It was all a meaningless blur... until an ambulance pulled up. In a flash, all of the doctors were racing around, the emergency room filled with a strange organized chaos. There were two doctors wheeling in what appeared to be a dead victim, their faces low while they weaved around traffic.

"Looks like a serious crash," I mused.

"Hm? Yeah, it was. Thankfully though, I spoke to the police on sight. Turns out no one died."

I froze.

"Go back... right there... Those two doctors... that's not a dead body?"

He blinked, scooting forward and squinting, his expression twisting in confusion.

"I... I don't know... the entire ER was so chaotic... it was impossible to keep track of everyone. I think I just assumed... huh... I don't know."

"Follow them," I commanded.

I watched them walk through the halls, taking different directions and going down unnecessary routes... until they stopped by the CT room. My nostrils flared, the hairs on the back of my neck standing up.

"Why would a corpse need a CT?" I growled, suspicion playing in my mind, "who are the doctors?"

"Well the one at the head is Hina and the other one... she must be out of my speciality. I'm sorry. I don't know every single doctor in the hospital."

Ignoring the last part, my eyes flickered over all the cameras. I watched the two 'doctors' wheel the 'body' into a room. One came out... the other stayed... something else quite suspicious. After all, a doctor would need to make their rounds, to help with the more critical patients, just in general.

"Bring up the live feed."

Yuki obeyed, and an in-time screen full of people popped up. My breathing came heavy. The second doctor was leaving the room, helping to support a patient who had a blanket wrapped around his head and mostly covering his face. The world tipped. Holding my walkie to talk to the officers, I winced at how nervous my voice sounded.

"I think I found a lead. Don't move until we have an idea which exit they go to, then you can corner them."

My mind began working. Which exit...? My eyes widened.

"The garage."

* * *

"Come on, we're almost there," you said quietly, half to L. 

The ramp leading into the garage area was dimly lit, as was the actual garage. In the distance, you could see the night sky, the cool breeze and the sounds of cars.

"Freeze!"

Whirling, you felt L tense. Two policemen, their guns trained on the both of you. You stared down the barrel warily, goosebumps peppering your skin.

"We got them," one exclaimed into his walkie, "confirmation, it is them."

A shiver ran up your spine. Your thoughts swirled, your grip on L tightening. One of them chuckled darkly, taking a step towards you. You shrank, eyes darting, looking for any way out of the situation.

"So you two are the ones causing all that trouble for Kami, hm?"

You stuck out your chin defiantly. The one moving closer's hand snapped out, wrapping around your arm. You yelped, trying to jerk it away. L's eyes popped. Dropping down, his foot sailed up, colliding with the man's jaw. He gasped in pain, falling back and cursing. The other shot a bullet, the sound ricochetting off the walls. Crying out, you tackled L, twisting so he landed on top and didn't hit his head. He looked down at you, his eyes wide.

The one who he'd kicked stumbled to his feet. You and L scrambled up, but L was swaying dangerously, eyes lidded.

"You son of a bitch! You'll pay for that!"

He aimed his gun. Alarms filled your brain. Looking at L, his grey eyes flashed a myriad of emotions. The man's eyes were blazing, completely ready to pull the trigger.

"Nice work, guys."

A bucket of cold washed over your senses. Says casually strolled out, twirling two long and wicked knives. Instinct wanted you to submissively hang your head, but you forced yourself to meet her eyes. Her brow quirked. The guards relaxed their guns, dropping their heads in a bow.

It didn't even register at first.

At the same time as their heads dipped, Sayu buried both knives directly into their skulls.

They didn't even fall at first, just stood there in their bow, the knives so lodged there wasn't even a lot of blood flow. But then they tipped, crashing to the floor... dead... you started, staring at her incredulously, a whimper building in your chest.

She met your face, her eyes debating. L was watching on in a stunned silence, poking at his head as if asking himself if this was all a hallucination. Sayu grabbed her knives, pulling them out with a slick sound. You stumbled back, falling down on the ground, fear racing up your brain. 

"I... S-s..."

Sayu stopped, watching the two of you. L was glowering, his gaze warning and dangerous. She chuckled dryly.

"Muzzle it. I'm here to help... actually, I need your help... I want Light. Not Kira."

You didn't know how to react. In all honesty, you'd given up a long time ago trying to separate the two. But seeing as a woman was standing over you with two bloody knives, you weren't exactly about to argue. Sayu tapped her foot nervously, eyes darting around the dark garage. 

"I know that if he's separated long enough from the book, he'll lose his memories... but I also know as long as you're trying to save those little brats, I'll never be able to keep him away... the note will always be in our lives... I just..." her eyes misted, "I want us to disappear. I never wanted any of this Kingdom or supernatural shit... I just want my brother..."

Kneeling in front of you, she dug around her pocket... and took out the eraser... you gasped, your hands going to your mouth. L gaped, his skin somehow even paler than usual. You were breathing heavily, everything tilting. The eraser was so small... deceptively innocent-looking... Sayu chewed her lip.

"He'll be upset... but it's for his own good... I just need to pull him away from it all," she whispered, a note of desperation bleeding through her voice, "and we can- we can go our separate ways, right? We can all be happy..."

No... you knew that would never happen. But her eyes were pooled, looking for a shred of confirmation. Instead of giving it, before she could change her mind, you quickly took the eraser from her. It was cool in your hand, the corner stained from use. Hugging it close to your heart, you could feel it beating wildly, your vision spinning. Sayu held out the knife and you flinched, thinking for a split second she'd hurt you. But she simply held it out, her gaze wary.

"You need to make it convincing so he'll think I put up a fight... although I suppose technically you could kill me..." she laughed humorlessly.

You stared apprehensively at the knife, still slick with blood. The dream replayed in your mind... the image of her hollow eyes, blood streaming down her throat. The absolute glee and power you felt at watching her life drain. There was a tremble in your hand taking the knife from her fingers, your pulse roaring in your ears. You could easily slice it through her jugular. It would be almost instant death. 

"Why?" You rasped.

Sayu's eyes flickered. 

"Even if I was able to pull Light away from the Kingdom... go into hiding with him... I'll never live with myself if I didn't offer you the chance for revenge..."

"Is revengeful all you can think about?" You hissed, "it was the reason you captured me, the reason you did all of this. You do realize that even if I don't kill you... I'll _never_ forgive you."

"I never expected you to," she shot back coolly. 

You held up the knife, every fiber in your body screaming for you to kill her, to just end it. The rage that had been building up was boiling in your stomach, so hot it was almost burning. Your eyes slipped towards L. He was wearing his emotion mask... your eyes widened. This was your call... he didn't want to influence you one way or another... his expression said it all. _We'll deal with the fallout together_. You were shaking, your bones clattering together.

"I regret a lot," Sayu murmured, "I've hurt a lot of people... and I know I've become a monster. Obviously I want to live, but maybe... maybe my death will finally wake Light up."

Regret. It was such a simple word, and yet so much suffering could come from it. The knife trembled in your grip. If you killed her now, you knew you'd feel vindicated, triumphant... on top of the world... but what about five years from now? Ten? Would you ever regret it? Would it ever consume you? The realization that you'd killed someone in such close range... someone you once cared about... she'd do it. If the roles were reversed, you had no doubt in your mind you'd already be dead.

"I'm nothing like you," you growled, a hint of venom in your voice.

Before you could give it anymore thought, you plunged the knife into a nonlethal location on the right side of her chest.

Sayu's eyes popped, her mouth opening in pain. Her face was shocked, confused and grateful all rolled into one expression. Standing up, you gave a dry chuckle.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."

Her lips quirked before she tipped, crashing to the floor, shuddering in pain. You didn't move the knife, the blade staunching the bleeding. Exhaling shakily, you looked at L. He was staring at her in a mix of awe and surprise.

"Wow," he murmured, "I... I really thought you'd kill her... I... I don't know what I would've done..."

Your mouth felt dry, your fingers still itching to actually kill her. Sighing, you shook your head, taking out Hina's pager.

"I'm telling her the hotel and that she has a new patient in the garage. Come on, let's go."

You didn't give yourself the luxury to look at her. Hooking L's arm, you helped him to his feet. He winced circling his head, but he didn't protest. Pausing, you glanced at him. The realization seemed to hit the two of you at the same time.

L's face broke into a genuine smile, his eyes twinkling. Excitement raced up your spine. Taking his face between your hands, you could feel tears welling up behind your eyes.

"Holy shit... We're getting them back."


	25. Back

Ryuk's perspective

Crin rose an eyebrow, looking me over.

"You're really helping a bunch of humans?" He asked incredulously.

I cackled, tossing one of the apples they'd given me into my mouth. Crin's mouth watered, but he didn't ask for one, instead watching me intently. Ever since the game 6 years ago, I'd become a bit of a celebrity! Even now, a bunch of Shinigami were watching us from a distance, ready to praise me for my amazing ring leading. Yup, life was pretty good!

"Not really," I sighed, "if it's not interesting, I probably won't even tell them. But I'm curious..." I dangled the apple in front of his dilated pupils, "so spill."

Crin's nose wrinkled.

"The old man's got a pair of scissors buried somewhere in that junk pile of his. Only he can see or physically touch the tethers. Ergo, he's the only one who can break them."

"So in other words, those little meat sacks have to appeal to the old fart," I giggled, hopping excitedly.

A nasty smile broke out across Crin's face. I finally tossed him the apple and he nibbled on it, savoring it.

"Yup," Crin's eyes glinted in both danger and excitement, "good luck to those lovebirds. Ryuk, your entertainment has just begun..."

* * *

L's perspective 

Everything felt like a dream going back to the hotel. My head was still pounding, the pain mixing together with excitement. The door creaked open and my brow arched. 

"Mr. Yagami?"

When there was no answer from the balcony or bathroom, I exchanged a look with Y/n. She blinked in confusion, but sighed. Just the beginnings of a smile were playing on her lips. Even that, so simple, meant so much to me... she looked so much older, worn out and tired in more than one way... it was nice to see her smile...

"Come on, they can help us track him down," she whispered.

I bobbed my head, moving for the burner phone. There was only one employee we knew the location of... Bernard... the driver. Since we couldn't transport them out of the country, he had the bodies. And it had been agreed upon neither side would contact the other unless in the case of an extreme emergency or event... I smiled wryly. I'd say this qualified. I took it out and saw Y/n's face light up, her eyes dancing. Something warmed in my chest as I slowly took her hand, the memories of the marks trailing her arms made the phone tremble in my hand. 

We crowded around the phone, the old limo driver's voice crackling through the speaker.

"Y/n? L?"

Your perspective

"Hi, Bernard."

There was a pause and a subsequent sigh of relief.

"Oh, thank God. Everyone under the two of your employment and the orphanage needs you. All we know is that we received a message on our burner phones to go into hiding and that the person nearest headquarters was to fetch three bodies. We've been in the dark! What's going on?"

You exchanged a look with L. He still seemed out of it, chewing on his thumb nervously.

"Once the situation has been resolved, we'll explain everything. But for now... we need you to expose the bodies to the air."

Bernard's confusion was emanating through the phone, but the two of you could hear him moving about his location. 

"Oh, God," he murmured, wincing harshly.

You didn't want to think about what they looked like by now. How rotten were they? L looked at you, and you could see the anxious anticipation behind his pupils. Inhaling slowly, you moved closer to the phone.

"Bernard... we don't want you to be... shocked..."

"Shocked?"

"Um... yes... you see, if all goes according to plan, those bodies are going to come back to life..."

Silence. Oh, boy. Did you just break poor old Bernard?

"U-um... l-like the Walking Dead?"

A smile broke out against your face.

"Well hopefully they'll be a bit smarter."

"And less bitey," Bernard chuckled dryly.

L snorted, biting his finger in excitement. Flipping open the note, your fingers trembled. The last time you'd seen them, you'd tried to attack them, hurt them and scream how you were going to kill them. A shiver ran up your spine. One and a half months... it had been 47 days since they'd rescued you from the Kingdom... 39 since they died... your throat closed on you, the past month replaying in your mind, all the pain and uncertainty... what if they didn't like you anymore? What if all they saw was a shell?

You felt L's hand wrap around yours silently, probably sensing your hesitation. Wordlessly, he nuzzled your neck, his breath hot against your skin. His lips tugged up. You felt your own smile creeping up your face.

"Ready?" He whispered.

You nodded.

L held the note steady while you dragged the eraser across the names, you heart jumping every time one of them disappeared.

It all felt like an eternity. Your breathing felt caught, twisted and unable to work.

Gasps through the phone.

"Sweet God!" Bernard exclaimed. 

A whole bundle of emotions washed your senses. You grasped L's hand, your grip tightening, bouncing a bit.

"MELLO? MATT? NEAR? YOU THERE?!"

There was a moment of quiet, and then Near's young voice, sounding confused and exhausted.

"Y/n?... I... what happened?"

" **NEAR!** " L cried out, his eyes misting. 

You threw your arms around L, tears slipping down your face. The world took on a different color, your mind struggling to catch up with what was happening. Near groaned. The next voice on the line was Matt.

"What the... fuck?"

"Matt!" You exclaimed, covering your mouth.

"Y/n! Y-you're okay?"

A sad smile crossed your features.

"It all depends on your definition of okay," you sighed.

"I'm going to kill Kira!" Mello yelled.

You and L exchanged a knowing and amused look. Figured Mello would be the one to come back from the dead ready for another fight. They were talking over each other, the phone crackling unsteadily with all the noise. Matt's panicked voice came through, his breathing heavy.

"Where's Jess? Is she okay?? DID I MISS MY SON'S BIRTH?"

Mello and Near piped up with their own questions, so many that L was rubbing his temple.

"Guys, just stop. One second. One thing at a time. Matt, Jess is fine in hiding. Officially, she's on a sabbatical from work. Don't worry, the L Emergency Fund is supporting her."

Quiet. Matt's breathing was heavy.

"Okay," he whispered.

"Get your asses over here," you smiled, "let's make this an official teary reunion."

They readily agreed, information given. 

You were shaking, tears threatening to roll down your cheeks. L enveloped you, attacking you with light, feathery kisses as he whooped. You laughed, the sound echoing in your chest, sparking a happiness throughout your body. 

* * *

The two of you stood in front of the door, your hearts pounding. A light knock and you felt nauseous, the nerves tearing at your mind. L slowly opened it and you gasped.

They were right there.

Completely fine, wearing an extra change of clothes Bernard had given them. He'd driven them over and was currently sitting in the car outside, ready to take them back if they so wished. They looked at you warily, cautiously stepping forward.

"He--"

You couldn't hold it in anymore. Surging forward, you enveloped all three of them, your heart racing. L smiled sheepishly, realizing this was a moment and shyly joined the hug. At first, they were stiff, not used to this level of affection, especially not from L. They stared at him, but he simply closed his eyes serenely, allowing himself to enjoy the moment. Tears built up behind your eyes, your limbs trembling. Soon, they sagged, pulling the two of you tighter. It was a warm ball, your heart and throat swelling. They were here... with you... Matt framed your face, looking at you.

"How've you been holding up?"

You tried to answer, but it was like your brain had forgotten how to form words. All you could manage was a strangled "I'm sorry." Mello and Near glanced over, Mello tilting his head.

"For what?"

"I tried to hurt you... and then I kept saying how I'd kill you, and I just... I'm so sorry."

Near gave you a warm expression. It was foreign on his usually sterile face, but it made you want to bring on the waterworks all over again. Mello cleared his throat.

"It's really fine. As long as Near was the one you were--"

Near's face soured, punching him. Mello yelped, glaring at him, but it wasn't completely mean on either side. They glanced at L, wincing.

"You look like you fought a bear or something."

"A weasel," L clarified, pressing an ice-pack to his still mostly-swollen eye.

The hotel room was starting to feel small now. You and L sat at the table while they kneeled on the beds, watching the two of you expectantly.

"There's a lot to go over," L admitted quietly, examining his bruises in a small mirror, "but first thing's first, Soichiro decided to be a hero and chase after us."

Matt blinked, groaning.

"Doesn't he ever play any video games? You don't play hero! Gah, that's like Rule #1."

You sighed. It was like they had been frozen in time, none of them having changed. Meanwhile, in the past month alone, you and L had gone through so much. You were sure the two of you looked weary, ready to keel over at any moment. L went to a little microwave Soichiro had set up, heating up some ramen for them. As he did, you confirmed to Bernard they'd be staying at the hotel. The old man had done so much already... he deserved a bit of normality. Bernard thanked you and you hung up, breathing heavily. Forcing yourself back into the room, you focused on the smell of ramen. It was good... curling up, you watched them eat as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

They slurped their ramen, pausing when they noticed both you and L were staring at them. They shifted, flashing smiles.

"Is everything--"

L's face flushed. He combed a hand through his hair.

"Sorry, keep eating."

You tried to look away, you really did... but fuck! They were alive... and here... it made you want to hug them tightly all over again. Mello met your eyes questioningly and all you could do was shakily exhale.

"It's just... we really missed you..."

* * *

Soichiro's perspective

I entered their favorite pizza place, glancing at their assortment of gelato. There were two workers behind the counter, one staring at me, waiting for me to order. I sighed, shaking my head. They wouldn't go anywhere else... where could they be? Glancing up, I told him I'd like chocolate. The second worker was in the back on the phone. He confirmed and hung up, going to start a pizza. I could smell the dough from here, a nice, fresh scent that left my mouth watering.

Taking the gelato from him, I sat at one of the small tables, rubbing my chin thoughtfully.

And that's when it hit me.

The pizza order... the phone hadn't rung... which either meant he used the phone for an outgoing call or he'd just pretended... suspicion prickled at the back of my neck. I glanced around the little restaurant, my brow furrowed. It was all surprisingly clean for an admittedly small and usually run-down place. Something was off about the entire place. Placing my chin in the cup of my hand, my eyes traveled to the tissue-holder. My eyes popped. To the back, facing the wall was what looked like a bloodstain.

"Hey, Dad."

I stiffened. Light swung around, sitting across from me. He winced, poking at his side, eyes twisted in pain. All I could do was stare, my nostrils flaring. Light leaned forward, his eyes wide and for the first time in a long time, I saw fear permeating his irises.

"We need to talk."

"I have nothing to say to you... are you going to kill me?... Who'd you kill here?"

'Who did you kill here'. It made me sick that I had to ask such a question of my son. Light faltered, hesitating. 

"Of course I'm not going to kill you," his lips tugged upwards, "you're my dad!"

"I wouldn't put it beneath you," I snipped, my gaze narrowing. 

"Wow, that hurts," he purred.

"Oh, shut up. What do you want?"

"This is your ultimate test," he sighed, leaning back, "I was on my way to the hospital when I received word you were here... Sayu's been hurt. Badly."

I froze, glaring at him. Sayu... as much as I wanted to believe she was just a stranger to me, I couldn't stop thinking of her as my daughter, the little child I loved so much...

"You hurt her?" I growled, a flame of protectiveness igniting in my stomach.

Light smirked easily. 

"Oh, no. That was either L or Y/n, I'm not sure which. If you want to come with me though, we can see how she's doing together. That does mean we'd have to tolerate each other all the way to the hospital. Oh, and," his lips curled, "I suppose it'd be sending a message to whose side you're on to L and Y/n."

My palms were sweaty. My daughter... my love... Light shrugged.

"It's really up to you. You can leave and always live with the knowledge that your daughter was potentially dying but you turned your back on her, or you can come and earn a place among your children..."


	26. Fun!

Soichiro's perspective

"This doesn't mean I'm on your side," I grumbled, getting into the elevator with Light, "they'll... they'll understand. I trust they will. As horrible as she's become, as much as I wish I could hate her... she's still my daughter."

He smirked, shrugging.

"Whatever you say, Dad."

"You will address me as Mr. Yagami," I cut off sharply, glaring at him. But against my will, my eyes softened, "And as much as I wish I could despise you... you're still my son... I could never stop loving either of you."

Light met my eyes evenly, not responding. When the elevator stopped, I strolled out. Hina was behind a desk. For just a moment, her eyes widened, but she continued on, trying to look impartial. My breath caught when I saw Sayu.

She was sitting up in bed, complaining to the doctor fussing over her. Her right side had been heavily bandaged and presumably stitched, but she looked ready to get out of there as soon as possible. A wistful smile almost crossed my lips. She was always fiery, trying to heal faster than her body would let her.

"I'd say my goodbyes if I were you," Light muttered.

"Why?" I snorted, "you're going to kill me?"

"Oh no, D... Mr. Yagami. I'm going to kill her."

My eyes flashed in his direction, my pupils small. He shrugged nonchalantly.

"Not sure if you know this, but L stole the death note... and she lost the eraser... she knew how important it was... I can't let that go unpunished. Surely you understand, I have a certain image in the Kingdom."

My mouth went dry as my stomach turned. Sick, I was about to be sick. Of course I knew he was capable of such a thing, but hearing him say it so normally... as if it was a regular occurrence... I couldn't form words even if I wanted to. Stepping inside, Sayu glanced at me, wincing. Crossing to her side, I gently touched her wrist. She flinched, her eyes meeting mine.

"I tried to make things right," she whispered, "but I know I can never."

I stared at her, my mind working. Did she... give the eraser willingly?... Sayu's eyes watered.

"He's going to kill me, isn't he? And without the note, it's going to be painful... Light and Kira... they're the same person... aren't they?"

"Yes, Sayu... they are..."

She inhaled shakily, nodding. Light was standing just outside, watching from the door's window. Exhaling slowly, I squeezed her hand.

"We're going to figure a way out of this."

"I don't deserve a way out," she rasped, meeting my eyes pleadingly, "I've done enough to earn myself execution ten times over."

I stared at her in shock. Gently stroking her hair, a sad smile went up my face.

"To be fair, I don't think he's going to just let me walk out either... we're in this together..."

Sayu searched my eyes incredulously, her own misting. She opened her mouth, but was interrupted by her doctor Yuki racing up to Light, talking in hushed tones. I watched them suspiciously, not even realizing I'd been squeezing her hand. And then Light just... left... without checking up on me or Sayu... I looked at her. Her brown eyes were wide, both with curiosity and fear. 

"Something's happening."

She insisted on getting up with me, ignoring my protests. Holding my breath, I crept out into the hallway, her following just behind. Light was running, two other Kingdom guards following him. Going to a large window, I gaped. Ryuk was flying in the sky. He must've gone to the Shinigami Realm... my heart fell, horror washing through me. Oh, God... Ryuk was being pulled back to the note... back to the hotel!

My eyes scanned for Hina, but she'd disappeared. I cursed, my chest heaving. Sayu touched my arm, her brow furrowed determinedly. I was trembling, shaking my head.

"I know a shortcut."

* * *

L's perspective

"Soichiro's... in the hospital," I gazed at the pager in disbelief, "he's with... he's with Light..."

The four of them looked at me, nodding slightly. Y/n quietly tapped her foot.

"It makes sense," she whispered, "she is his daughter..."

I opened my mouth, but she was already moving to the balcony, sliding the door shut behind her. Her shoulders were guarded as she mindlessly poked at the stump where her finger used to be. Matt, Near and Mello didn't say anything until Mello cleared his throat.

"Does that mean he's switching sides?"

I shot him a sharp expression.

"It means he's a father."

Mello rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything. Near's eyes flickered between the two of us.

"Do you have any more ramen? I'm still hungry," he muttered miserably.

I gave a wry smile, going to heat it up.

"I remember when I came back, I was starving... my stomach felt so empty."

While they ate, I slipped out onto the balcony, next to her. She was staring at the city below, her gaze pensive. I looked at her, moving my thumb against my lip. Was I being helpful? It was so hard to tell... I just wanted her to be okay but it felt like everything I said was just... wrong... My mind scratched for something to tell her, to comfort her, but I came up with nothing. So I just stood there silently until her voice cracked.

"Why am I upset?" She murmured, "it's not like he betrayed us... Soichiro wouldn't. I trust him."

She kept picking at the stump until I noticed it was starting to bleed a bit. Y/n didn't even seem too register the pain, continuing to scratch and pick. Alarms flashed in my brain. _Please just hold out for a little longer. Please, I'm begging you_. _I can't lose you, I'm trying so hard, please... not like this_... It was like this constant push and pull, where I saw her coming back and then the next minute it felt like she was slipping right through my fingers... I could see it now, her eyes going distant, almost hollow. I wrung my hands, wishing I could read her mind, hold on to her in a way I knew she'd never fall... stop feeling so... helpless...

"You're right. He wouldn't. Mr. Yagami is a good man. Can you blame him?" I allowed a wry smirk to cross my lips, "you did a number on Sayu."

Y/n snorted, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"I'm worried," she sighed, "what if Light hurts him?"

"There's not much we can do from here. By the time we get there, the situation will have changed and we'll be stuck in a back and forth until we all lose... Mr. Yagami is resourceful."

She bobbed her head, watching the quiet streets. Dragging my fingertips along her arm, both of us shivered. Her skin left me feeling electric, sending the hairs all over my body standing up.

"Come on. We've been dreaming about this for weeks. Let's enjoy our time with them."

Y/n blinked, glancing back at me. Relief washed my system. She was coming back. Stepping inside, the five of us sat down, talking about what had happened over the past month. They listened with rapt attention, leaning forward and asking a million questions all at once.

Lightning flashed across the sky, making us all jump. Rain started pelting the window, the sound echoing through the small room. Thunder sounded, shaking the table. Y/n retrieved blankets from the closet, passing them out. Sitting on the floor, she looked at them sheepishly.

"I'm really happy you're all okay," she croaked.

They blinked gratefully. I sighed, my mind racing. The past few weeks had been so busy, so laser-focused that it felt unnatural just sitting down and doing nothing. The rain picked up in intensity, the only sound as everyone tried to figure out where to start the conversation. Finally, Near sighed. 

"Everything feels extra sensitive."

I nodded, remembering the first few days after I came back. When all my senses had been heightened to the point where it was hard to do anything. 

"You'll fall back into the rhythm," I assured.

Mello hugged himself, his gaze uncharacteristically distant and pensive.

"I don't know how I feel," he whispered.

"I do," Matt piped up, adverting his eyes, "I'm... I'm done... after this case, I can't do detective work anymore... I never even wanted to be L, the only reason I kept going was because I love all of you. But I almost left Taki without his dad. I'm sorry... please don't be mad. Maybe... maybe when he's older, I'll get into it again... but not now..."

Y/n watched him, nodding with a slight smile.

"We understand."

The others looked mildly stunned but they bobbed their heads. It was true... Matt had never wanted to be a successor. He didn't have the drive for cases, usually just opting to help out or offer support. I was about to open my mouth when another flash of lightning lit up the room. We all gasped, scrambling to our feet as Ryuk's shadow on the wall. 

Your perspective

We all whirled to see him standing there, that smile still stuck on his lips. He twirled an apple, leaning against the small table. You shifted uncomfortably.

"Ryuk," L greeted respectfully.

Ryuk waved a hand, smirking.

"It's good to see you. I got that information you wanted, you got the goods?"

Nodding, you dug an entire bag of apples from under your bed. It was so weighed down you had to slide it across the floor in his direction. Ryuk's pupils dilated, folding his hands together. It looked as if he'd just met the love of his life, tossing apple after apple into his mouth. The five of you waited patiently, but as more time passed, your brow arched.

"Are you actually going to, y'know, tell us?"

"Hm? Oh, right! Forgot. The Shinigami King makes the death notes, and as such, he's the only one who can untether an eraser," Ryuk chuckled sheepishly, "after the whole Shannon incident, it's against the rules to make an eraser. Apparently she found a way to actually get into the Shinigami Realm and started making havoc. She made a deal with the king that if she beat him at a game of chess, he'd cut the tether with his scissors and she'd be allowed to continue living. The King finds it annoying when a note ends up belonging to the human world so he agreed to the terms, provided she burned the death note after the untether. If you were to ask him to do it, he would, but he'd probably kill you too. Unless there's something you can offer him or do something that staves off his boredom."

L's brow quirked.

"Chess sounds good."

Ryuk shrugged, munching three apples in one gulp.

"I mean, he might want to play chess. He might want something else. It all depends on his mood," Ryuk paused, grinning nastily, "or he might not want anything and just kill you for the Hell of it."

Your breath hitched, the thought making you shiver. To come all this way to be killed out of a bored indifference... you met L's eyes, debating. The two of you didn't have to do this... you could play hot potato with the items for the rest of your lives...but what kind of life would that be? Constantly living in fear that the other side in this war would attack and regain possession? 

"How did Shannon get into the Shinigami Realm?"

Ryuk tapped his chin.

"No idea."

L looked like he was about to retort when the door swung open. Soichiro and Sayu stumbled in, scuffled and breathing heavily. You froze, staring at her, the fear welling in your stomach again. Matt, Near, Mello and L stepped between you and her, glaring with a bitter hatred.

"The fuck is she doing here?" Mello growled.

Sayu panted, trying to catch her breath. It looked like she'd been running so hard that her wound had opened, the dark blood staining her bandages.

"You can all hate me later. Kira's--" she paused, her face twisting as her eyes flashed to the floor, "I mean... Light's... coming here... we're not sure how close."

Your eyes popped, a panic attack threatening. There was a metallic taste in the back of your throat. L bit his thumb, trying to decide whether he believed her. All our your eyes slowly traveled to Ryuk. Matt gasped, taking a step back.

"He followed you!" He practically screamed.

Ryuk had straightened, but not because of some deeper concern. His eyes were lit up in interest and glee, clapping his hands excitedly.

"Fun!"


	27. Harsh Storms

All of you crept to the main lobby, stopping just behind the door. You peeked through the window, you heart jumping. Light was inside, with about 4 Kingdom guards. The receptionist was slumped forward, blood running on the counter. Your chest heaved. Okay... 7 versus 5... but 4 of them had guns... one of them was closing the blinds, leaning casually against the door. Light twirled a large pipe in his hands.The pipe was jagged, making it look more like a makeshift sword... maybe in his twisted mind, he thought he was a king with a holier-than-thou weapon... The end was slick with blood, presumably the receptionist's...

He flipped through the hotel's papers.

"Hm. Interesting. They've had a guest here under the name Nakamura for over a month..."

You chewed on your lip worriedly. 

Drawing back, all of you scampered back up the stairs. You were clutching the note tightly against your chest, the eraser in your pocket. When everyone had put some distance from Light, Matt breathed heavily.

"We're going the wrong direction. 'Up' only corners us."

"And we need weapons," Mello piped up.

L's nostrils were flaring. He bit his thumb, casting furitive glances at the stairwell. 

"We have to assume there's a second exit... but Light would've stationed one of his guards there."

Those big guns flashed through your mind. Sayu rolled her shoulder, wincing at her wound.

"Well, we have to make a decision."

You shot her a glare, feeling annoyed and the familiar hatred.

"Thank you for your input," you growled.

Sayu watched you, clamping her jaw. You smoothed a hand through your hair while Soichiro tapped his foot.

"The roof. It has a fire escape ladder going down."

Everyone exchanged a look, nodding. Rushing up the stairs, your heart seized, hearing footsteps below. L subconsciously grasped your hand, his pale knuckles even whiter with how hard he squeezed you. All of you tried being as quiet as possible, but the footsteps weren't bothering to hide themselves. When it became apparent they'd gain on you, Soichiro opened the door for one of the floors. 

"They'll keep going up and to our old floor... when we hear the door open, we break for the roof."

You nodded, your chest constricting. While everyone listened, your eyes caught Sayu's, that same hatred burning up your insides. You hadn't even realized you were next to her, L on your other side. She was so close that you trembled, your mind writhing. The shame rose up in your brain again, the shame that you wanted to lean into her, to please her. Sayu's eyes flickered around your face. She hesitated, her brown eyes never leaving their fiery state yet somehow managing to go sincere.

"I hope some day you can let go of your hatred," she whispered.

Your eyes sparked. Now it was your turn to squeeze the living daylights out of L's hand. He winced, watching the two of you with large eyes, thumb between teeth. L tried to subtly get out of your bone-crushing grasp, but you were watching Sayu spitefully.

"Shut up," you seethed, your stomach roiling, "I will never forgive you. What you did was unforgivable."

"I know," she replied infuriatingly calmly, "I never said I hope you forgive me... just that you can let go of your hatred and find some peace. There's a difference. Even if someday you look back on me nostalgically, I know it won't be because of forgiveness. The best way I can apologize is by cutting myself out of your life and let myself just exist as a bad dream to you."

You stared at her, knees buckling. Conflicting emotions battled in your mind. _Letting go of hatred and forgiveness aren't the same thing_... your eyes misted. Could you ever let go of hatred?Was it even possible to find peace? Peace... you blinked... you did want that... Before you could think of a reply, Soichiro waved a hand. 

"They're on our floor."

Everyone nodded, still shifting uncomfortably from Sayu's words. Rushing up the stairs, Near pushed the door open.

It was still raining heavily, lightning flashing in the sky and thunder shaking the ground. You squinted, the wind blowing the rain directly into your face.

"The ladder's going to be too slippery," Matt yelled.

Mello was in the rear, still in the doorway. He opened his mouth to reply and gasped, his eyes widened. You faltered, the strength in your legs going out.

"Mello!" You shrieked.

Light pulled his sword back, watching satisfied as Mello crumpled. His eyes met yours, terrifying amber. A scream built up in your throat, but you were vaguely aware of L pulling you towards the ladder. Light's eyes traveled to the death note pressed against your chest. Your heart jumped, fluttering wildly. He rushed out, the rain drenching his suit. Light's lackeys came out too, carefully taking aim. Oh, God, they were kill them... everyone... Near, Matt, L, Soichiro... even Sayu...

Mello roared from the floor, blood staining his back, tackling the nearest one. They jumped in surprise, distracted. 

You raced for the ladder, heart pounding wildly. The roof was so slippery... your brow furrowed. _Don't slip, don't slip, don't slip_. Fuck, you slipped.

Fear shot up your spine as your legs gave out from under you, too close to the ledge. You flailed, your hand still latched to L's. Maybe if you'd been alone, you could've done a 'baby deer trying to stand up for the first time' routine, but your imbalance sent L sprawling. The scream you'd been holding finally echoed from your throat when he crashed into you, almost sending you over. You gasped as he grabbed your other hand, bent over the edge. 

"L, I can't feel the ground! I can't feel the fucking ground!"

Panic was pounding your system. You were hanging off the side, your feet touching nothing but air. 

He grunted, trying to pull you back up, but slumped forward, the position too awkward. You could hear gunfire above and Light's men gurgling. It must've been an all-out fight... you moved your legs against the wall, trying to find a foothold.

"L!" 

His teeth grit, a hiss escaping. There wasn't any way for him to pull you up, leaving you dangling. You arms buckled, strained from his grip on your wrists. Your eyes flashed to his left and widened. Light was watching the two of you with an amused gleam in his eye, tapping the jagged pipe against the roof. The message was clear. Nausea hit your stomach. It was like a horror movie watching him nonchalantly skip to nonexistent music, the corners of his lips up. He took a few steps forward, languidly yet threateningly dragging his sword across the roof. It made a loud scraping noise, enough to get L's attention and make him crane his neck. He wheezed in fear, continuing to try and pull you up. Your eyes popped the closer Light dragged his sword to L. 

"Let go!" You screamed, shuttling in L's grasp, "he's going to kill you! **L, fuck! _Let go_**!"

You just wanted him to live. In that moment, you didn't care about yourself. You couldn't watch him die a second time... you just couldn't... But his hands only tightened around yours, his nails digging into your skin.. Panic clawed up your throat as you shook your head, water getting in your eyes. You pushed against the building, trying to unlock his grasp. Fuck, why did he have to be so stubborn?!

"Get up!" You cried out.

You looked up and met his face. He was calm as ever, gazing at you warmly. It was impossible to tell if those were tears or rain. His thumb rubbed your wrists. 

"I love you," he mouthed.

The reality hit you. You felt the fight drain out as you stared at him, forcing yourself to go over every curve and line. His angular jaw... ebony dark hair now hanging in a mat around his face... crystal sharp grey eyes that could make you feel as if he read your mind... lips that were always soft and feathery, even when they were dried and cracked...

Tears sprang to the corners of your eyes. You shook your head, a lump swelling in your throat.

"Please," you sobbed.

He tilted his face slightly... and smiled... 

Light came up behind him, the pipe practically pressing against L's neck. L shuddered, eyes flitting back and forth, his hands squeezing. He was trembling, but his eyes locked with yours, saying a million things at once. Your lip quivered.

"I love you," you whispered.

Light swung his pipe up, eyes glowing red. 

There was a bloodcurdling shriek from the roof.

Sayu rammed into his back, propelling him off solid ground. Light's eyes widened in surprise, the pipe falling from his grasp and soaring through the air, clattering towards the ground below. He grabbed onto your leg though and you yelled, feeling yourself being pulling in different directions. Somewhere below was the sickening **crack** of Sayu landing on the pavement. You flinched at the sound, the world taking on a different hue...

She was dead...

Light was hanging off your leg...

L entire face was twisted with the effort, his body slowly sliding off the edge...

The boys and Soichiro were God knows where...

You shivered, pain extending through all of your limbs. A muffled yell caught in your chest, the feeling of being torn apart dominating your brain.

Maybe if Light had just stayed still, the three of you could've figured something out, but he saw the death note tucked in your waist. Your neck twisted down feeling him start to clamor up your legs. It was agony, the weight making you scream. You grit your teeth, hissing out.

"Stop moving! We'll fall!"

Light's eyes were frantic, crazed.

"I NEED MY NOTE," he cried out desperately.

His movement made your arms jangle in L's grip until Light grasped one of your hips, pulling down. A gasp escaped as you felt your fingers slip through L's.

You barely registered falling through the air, Light still tightly gripping you. L straightened, scrambling to his feet. His face fell in abject horror.

" ** _Y/N!_** "

You kicked your feet, the eraser almost falling out of your pocket. Light grabbed for it, but you held it out of his reach, holding it up.

The air was rushing up, the ground racing towards you. You could see Sayu on her back, staring blankly at the sky. Terror coursed through your body, drowning out any other feeling. Lightning shot in your direction, hitting the eraser. You and Light stopped fighting, watching in awe as it crackled, shooting sparks in the air. It was practically glowing blue, making your hands warm but not burning. Another lightning came, washing your senses in white. You expected to land hard against the concrete, but all you saw was grey.

L's perspective

I held on to the edge of the building, watching them fall. She was going to hit the ground... and then I'd see her blood running on the pavement... I wanted to look away, but I couldn't... Lightning crackled down, the electricity making the hairs on my arm stand up. The light was so blinding and bright that I had to turn away, my eyes burning. As soon as it died down, my eyes snapped open, scanning the ground below. Confusion filled my chest.

Sayu was there, dead. She was leaking crimson that mixed with the water to turn the ground a cherry red. I heaved, trying to find Y/n and Light's bodies. The world tilted, my tongue heavy in my mouth. I didn't see them... where were the bodies?!

"Y/N!"

I scrambled, my mind at a loss. I couldn't concentrate... I couldn't... Soichiro came up behind me, enveloping me. My eyes went to the roof. Him, Near and Matt had managed to take out the guards and now Near and Matt were tending to Mello's wound. A shudder passed through my body, feeling sick to my stomach.

A sob threatened my throat. I pitched forward, all my worst fears picking at my brain. Soichiro pulled me into a hug, and for the first time, I didn't resist. I sagged in his grip, but still stared at the ground below. He followed my gaze and gave a cry, his features scrunching in grief. His body heaved, the hug tightening for his own sake now as well as mine.

My voice went small, almost child-like.

"Y/n?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *smiles innocently*


	28. Entertainment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo I pretty much finished it, I just have to go here and there to edit and add. So yeah. 98% sure it's going to stay at 32 chapters :)

Sand caked the side of your face and hair. You stirred, your vision blurred and your body aching. The death note was still tucked into your waist. You glanced down to see the eraser clutched tightly in your hand... now charred black and slightly crackling... you rubbed your temple, sitting back on your haunches.

Light was sprawled out a few feet away. He moved, gaze flickering as he gazed around. You did too, wringing your hands nervously.

The Shinigami Realm. It had to be.

Was this really how Shannon Walsh got here?

It was a morbid and desolate place, large bones littering vast plains and a dark sky. You stood in a daze, realizing with a start that Shinigami were watching from hiding places, whispering excitedly amongst themselves. You exchanged a look with Light, the hatred being put on hold. He looked as freaked out as you felt. If you didn't know any better, you'd say it was almost a human emotion. One of the Shinigami crawled out, clicking their teeth excitedly. It bent down over you with ruby red eyes. 

"Oh my God! I just wanted you to know I'm a huge fan of yours! And ooh I ship LY."

One of the Shinigami from the shadows snorted, snarling.

"Shut up! Ligh/n should've totally happened!"

The first hissed, baring long, wicked talons. You risked a look at Light. For all his 'oh, I'm going to make you my queen' bullshit, he seemed _thoroughly_ unsettled. The two Shinigami growled at each other, charging and slashing their claws. 

You gasped, watching as they scratched and bit viciously at each other. The other Shinigami cheered them on, throwing bets and gambling on who would win. Light took a step back.

"What's going on?"

"What do you think, Dumbass?"

"We have to get back."

You were about to actually agree when you froze. No... the Shinigami Realm... the King... he could untether the eraser from the note! You took a step away from Light, watching him warily. 

The first Shinigami who said they were your biggest fan held up a victorious, blood-soaked claw. He was met with uproarious applause, and some boo's as the Shinigami distributed their losses. Your knees buckled, your eyes widening. The Shinigami looked at you with bright eyes, seeking your approval. You were pale, but you nodded, forcing a smile. Stepping towards him, you cleared your throat.

"I was wondering if you could take me to the King... it would definitely make you my favorite Shinigami..."

His eyes lit up, dancing gleefully. Light's eyes snapped in your direction, confusion painted across his face.

"Why do you want to see the King?... I'm coming with you."

"Like Hell you are."

Light's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"This isn't a debate."

You bristled, about to retort, but the Shinigami that yours had beaten grunted, struggling to his feet, wincing in pain.

"Light, if I take you, will you and Y/n get together?

"No--"

"Yes--"

You glared at him. He had a cocky smile, his eyes flickering over your body. Disgust shivered up your chest.

"Go fuck yourself. Cause I'm not going to."

He smirked, shrugging as the Shinigami picked him up anyway. Yours carried you and you stiffened, watching the Shinigami Realm pass you by. It was almost beautiful, in a depressing sort of way. Everything was saturated, with its own atmosphere that felt ancient. Several Shinigami watched you in interest, hopping about the 'game back on Earth'. Yours and Light's Shinigami paused in front of an old cave.

You shuddered, staring down into the darkness, your heart echoing in your ears. 

"The two of you and that raccoon-human have caused a lot of chaos," a low voice rumbled from the darkness. 

You shrank, wanting to look away but unable to. The Shinigami King came out. Your face fell, horror and disgust battling in your stomach. He was grotesque... a large gelatinous ball supported by chains. It was like his head was inside another skull, his eyes glowing a menacing red. And the stench... your nose wrinkled, smelling a mixture of burning rubber and metal. You weren't even aware of your Shinigami placing you on the ground until your knees buckled, fear shivering up your spine.

Out of instinct and to show submission, you kneeled in front of him, allowing yourself to bow. But it was also to hide your face, to disguise the rising terror. 

You'd never felt more alone... even surrounded by gods of death and what you once considered your best friend... you shivered, both wishing and grateful that L wasn't there. Your eyes widened slowly. Where was he? What did he think happened to you? It felt like you might panic, but L's voice rose up in your mind, a slice of your brain... you almost laughed. Did he represent your sanity or something?

 _One thing at a time. Breathe_.

Breathe... Inhaling slowly, you met the King's eyes. They made you want to shrivel, but you forced yourself to keep them.

"Your Majesty--"

His brow quirked, obviously not used to such a formal presentation... probably because the others called him things like 'old man'... you tilted your head. Maybe you were gaining his favor?

"Your Majesty, I apologize for the chaos on Earth. With your mercy, perhaps you can untether the eraser and we'll burn both the eraser and book to prevent any of this from happening again."

Light made a sound of panic.

"No!" He cried out, "please! Please don't burn the note! It's-- I-- I need it!"

You shot him a glare, but found your eyes widening. He really was desperate... the death note was just an addiction... he didn't even seem malicious about it, just absolutely terrified. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you turned your attention back to the King. He was rubbing his chin, eyes glittering. Ryuk's words rang in your head. He'd want entertainment in exchange, that's how Shannon convinced him... or he might just kill you here and now... your palms went sweaty, the scars on your body itching uncomfortably.

"Doing such a thing would lead to peace," he said slowly to the outraged cries of the Shinigami, "peace is boring. What can you do right now that would entertain me?..." he scratched his chin thoughtfully, "we need a climax... the game has been quite a hit here in the Realm."

The Shinigami nodded their approval. Your mouth was dry, scanning each and every one of them. They wanted a climax? An explosive end to the show... The King leaned forward in consideration, his eyes popping in realization.

"A final battle," he hissed excitedly, "with high stakes!"

The others yipped, their wings flapping in anticipation. You stared at him, your mouth frozen shut. His eyes slid over to Light, who was watching him in a stunned silence. The King clasped his rather small arms together.

"I want a fight! The drama! Childhood friends battling for their futures! Y/n, if you kill Light, I'll untether the eraser and send you back to live a happy life with your love. Light, if you kill Y/n, I'll make you a Shinigami and give you free reign to influence the Earth however you see fit."

There were oohs and aahs and pleas for even higher stakes yet. They were begging for more... an even more dramatic finale... The King was getting excited, swaying happily in his chains.

"Alright, alright," he conceded to the hushing crowd.

"I'll add this to the stakes, hm? Y/n, in addition if you win, I'll ban all Shinigami from ever dropping a note on Earth again. Light, in addition if you win, I'll resurrect Y/n without her memories so you can shape her into the queen you desire."

Well, fuck.

Why couldn't it just be chess? Or four corners or some shit?

Hell, you'd take Scrabble at this point.

The cheers only grew in volume. They were deafening, making you feel puny. Bets started being made, Shinigami holding their rotten apples proudly.

Your eyes darted over to Light. His eyes flashed in alarm and you felt your chest constrict nervously. The two of you were thinking the same thing. Neither of you were fighters... you were both strategists... thinkers. The closest to physical battle either of you really got was a freaking brawl in a pizza shop and you stabbing Sayu... not exactly warrior material... 

Even though he was lean, he was strong. Your eyes narrowed, analyzing weak points. The throat... it was soft, if you could strike that, he'd be doubled over and gasping for air. Of course the crotch. Maybe if you could kick or punch that bandaged gash you made with the pizza-triangle, that'd hurt. Your foot was tapping rapidly, trying to think about your own weak spots and what to look out for... all of your bruises from Mikami had healed by now. There were healing cuts on your arms. You did a quick count, the burn on your back was pretty much gone... you sighed. Nothing he could immediately exploit. 

The King was bouncing impatiently, rattling his chains. 

"Let's get swords in the mix," he trilled.

Light's eyes widened as a Shinigami came by with two large, heavy swords. You grunted, turning it over in your hand. The fuck were you supposed to do with this? It was beautiful, the handle jewel-encrusted and the sword outlined in a brilliant... but like, _what the fuck were you supposed to do with this_?! Light, for all his deranged pipe-swinging wasn't exactly trained to use a sword either. He twisted it slowly, examining the gleaming blade. Looking at you, he gave a sardonic chuckle.

"I guess the only training you need is 'sharp point sharp'."

You chewed the inside of your lip, not responding. The Shinigami were settling, placing the chins in the cups of their hands expectantly. You looked at the King, not sure how to proceed. He shrugged, the action making him sway slightly.

"I'll just kill whoever refuses to fight."

Hm, well there answered that question.

* * *

L's perspective

I couldn't move from the roof. Even as the rain was soaking my shirt and making my hair sop. Soichiro had left and was down below in the alley, cradling Sayu's body. He was kissing her forehead, shuddering and rocking the two of them. It should've been sunny, but the storm made it still feel like night. Hina and the boys were in the room, tending to Mello. My eyes screwed shut, shivering from the cold water. 

Someone came over me with an umbrella and I cracked open an eye to see Near, uninterestedly twirling a strand of hair.

"Mello's going to be okay. Nothing vital was punctured."

I nodded slightly. He stared at me, tugging on the hair.

"You should come inside."

"I can't--"

"You're not going to be useful if you're sick."

Hm... I watched him carefully. In truth, it felt like my limbs were stuck. Why couldn't things just be okay? Why couldn't I just have her here... holding her and feeling her heart beat... I was about to refuse, but Near gave me an expression that he wasn't taking 'no' for an answer. 

Soichiro's perspective

Her eyes were blank, staring up at the sky. The sting of losing Light the first time opened up again, and it took all I had not to completely break down. Memories of Sayu as a little girl, excitedly racing around the house and playing with Light filled my head. I hugged her gently, my heart skipping.

"Goodbye, Sayu," I rasped, my hear shattering.


	29. Defense and Attack

Ryuk flew in, settling next to the King. You stared at him, shifting uncomfortably at his eager smile. Light glared at the Shinigami.

"I really hate him," Light growled.

You shrugged, not inclined to agree with Light... but to be fair, the Shinigami did suck. He looked like he might say something to Ryuk, but instead turned his attention back to you, holding up his sword menacingly.

Light took a step back and you did the same. The Shinigami yelling and cheering was distracting, but you forced yourself to ignore it. There were about thirty seconds where nothing happened and you realized with a shock both of you were waiting for the other to make the first move. The first mistake. Light started circling you. You tried planting your feet in the ground and held up the sword, hoping it looked menacing. 

He gave an experimental jab, and you sloppily swatted it away, wincing. That was bad. Swatting and slicing wasn't going to get you anywhere. You took a step back, trying to think of what L would say... _stab. If you're not knowledgeable in how to swing it, stab it_. Yeah... everyone knows how to stab... okay... you held it out, lining it to Light's sternum, keeping it in that position.

Because of your mistake, he got a bit bolder, quickly jabbing at you. You jumped out of the way and plunged your sword towards him. He scrambled back, watching you warily.

Light's eyes narrowed calculatingly. Your nostrils flared, panic clawing up your chest. Your grip on the handle shifted, your mind locked. Light walked slowly, deliberately, looking like a prowling creature. L's voice echoed in your brain, making you pause.

 _You're losing focus. He's thinking strategy... do the same_...

Right. Okay... You straightened, regaining some control on your sanity. Light dragged his sword through the dirt, making a low scraping noise. Intimidation. Trying to throw you off-balance. In return, you forced a laugh, making it high and nasally. His brow furrowed, your unexpected reaction catching him off-guard. He shifted, unease permeating his eyes. When Light took a step towards you, you tucked your arms closer to your body, trying to make yourself a smaller target. Quick reactions. That's what you'd need. He smiled languidly, tilting his head.

"You know, I'm glad I'm the one who's going to kill you," he purred, "think of it as karma."

Your brow arched.

"And I'm glad I'll be the one actually landing the blow this time instead of just writing your name," you growled back, trying to act tough.

Light's lips curved.

"Are you sure you can?" His voice was silky, making the sword tremble in your hand, "you are rather _weak_ after all... you couldn't even handle Sayu's interrogation! L probably only stays with you out of pity."

Your eyes misted, his words hitting home. It was all the negative thoughts you'd been punching yourself over. A part of you wanted to scream and rush at him. You almost did, the anger and pain clouding your vision, unbridled rage boiling your blood, your muscles tensing and ready to spring forward. But L's voice wormed through your mind again.

 _He wants you to lose it and see red. Losing control to your emotions is how you make a mistake and die... you're stronger than that.._. 

Your tense muscles relaxed.

You almost smiled.

This could be a two-way street.

You glanced at the audience, sighing. This really was all a game. A dangerous, consequential game... but a game nonetheless. Light's sword was up now as well, pointed directly at your chest. You huffed a laugh.

"Look who's talking, Mr. I-can't-let-go-of-my-note. That's how you lost it in the first place. You really are just a dumbass, aren't you?"

Light's eyes sparked, but he kept his cool, still searching for a weak point. Your breathing was heavy, adrenaline pumping your system.

 ** _L, if he charges, that'll put me on defense. I don't think I can do defense. You can't just win with defense alone_**.

 _Then don't just defend. There are different advantages to attacking first and waiting. Bring him to you and then use your defense **as** an attack_. 

_**But how--** _

_Well if I know, then you do...Y/n... you know him... you know what he's sensitive about..._ L's voice went cold, decisive, _use it._

Time seemed to slow. You exhaled slowly, the panic being put on the back burner... a plan forming in your brain. You tilted your head, allowing a smirk to grace your lips.

"Admit it," you quipped, your fingers on the handle tightening, "you're not as smart as you'd like to think. So many of your victories were pure, dumb luck..." your lips curled at his sparked eyes, "meanwhile, L and I genuinely got close to you without any supernatural bullshit."

Light's entire face was twisting, his composure cracking. His stance was being thrown off. Subtly shifting your sword to a better angle, you sneered.

"You want to know the reason why I didn't fall for you? The reason you had to turn to a Shinigami to solve your problems? The reason you broke down when you thought the note didn't want you anymore?... I'll tell you," you growled in a low voice, "you're _pathetic!"_

Light roared, charging forward. Your breath caught. 

_Congratulations, you pissed him off. You're pretty good at that, huh?_

**_L, I swear_** \--

Fight or flight was begging you to run, your legs twitching with the need. But you held yourself steady, making it out as if you were rearing back to stab. Light's eyes were blazing with a burning hatred, scathing and seething. You blinked, glancing at his footwork. It was sloppy... he was running at you without a plan, intent to kill... His sword was so close when you dropped down, extending your foot. Light's eyes popped in surprise. He'd been so convinced you'd stab, so blinded by rage that he'd forgotten about Capoeira. 

Crying out, your foot met his jaw. A _**crunch**_ filled the air. There was an extremely satisfying scream of pain, and the feeling of Light's jawbone shattering, his momentum from charging adding to the problem. He yelled, trying to bring the sword down. Pain exploded as it slashed your arm, leaving a deep gash, but Light was sailing backwards, the sword clattering out of his hands. He landed hard on the ground, his jaw at an awkward angle.

You didn't waste any time. Sliding for his sword, you held both of them right above his face, inches away from the bridge of his nose. You were breathing heavily, the adrenaline numbing the harsh pain. But you could see your own blood dripping out and falling to the ground, pooling in the dirt. Light's eyes went small, staring at the pointed end. 

There was a beat when no one moved. Not the two of you, or even the Shinigami. They were leaning forward at such an angle that they were practically falling, their eyes wide. Light was shivering, humiliation painted across his face. His jaw was swelling, and it looked like he was having a difficult time speaking.

"Do it!" he snarled, squeezing his eyes as he rubbed the spot, "just kill me..."

You faltered, gritting your teeth as the wound on your arm continued to leak. Light glared at you challengingly.

"Unless you're too weak," he spat.

There was that word again. A growl rose up your chest, pushing the swords closer to his face. His skin went pale, but he kept his features emotionless. 

_**Nothing to say, L**_?

 _Considering I'm just a part of your mind, I'd say you're having doubts... but who am I to tell you? I'm all you_.

You let out a shaky breath, your throat bobbing.

"I might be," you answered him quietly, "but I'm stronger than _you_."

At his stunned expression, your gaze hardened.

"Admit defeat."

Light's eyes darted to all the Shinigami. They were all silent, entranced by the events unfolding. His eyes still burned, but you could see the fire slowly going out until it dawned on him. He'd lost... he never looked so defeated, lines forming under his eyes, regret and resentment filling his expression. 

Light's voice came out a low, bitter grumble filled with its own sort of despair.

"I admit defeat."

There were gasps from the onlookers. The King chuckled, shaking his head in amusement. Ryuk hyuk'ed, pointing at Light and laughing. Light's cheeks turned red, his lip quivering in embarrassment. The King leaned back, purring happily. The novelty was quickly dying down though, and you could see him slipping into boredom.

"It's good," he said slowly, "Human, are you really going to refuse to kill him?"

You shrugged.

"No. If it's necessary, I will... I just think this is a more humiliating defeat."

"Hm..." The King tilted his head, "I see... it's missing something... I don't know..." Suddenly he snapped a finger, "tell me, Human, can you melt others?"

Mel... you slowly shook your head. The King sighed.

"That's a shame. Oh, well! You know what they say, eh? You want something done--"

Your brow furrowed. What did he mea--Light gasped, pitching forward. You stiffened, your heart freezing. Holy shi--... was he.... your mouth fell open in horror... _holy shit_... Light screamed, his hands flying to his face. His skin was... bubbling... you took a step back, the swords falling from your grasp and clattering to the ground. Light's eyes flickered begging towards the King.

"Wait! Please! I can still--AHH!"

He locked eyes with you. All you could see was raw anguish.

"Oh, my God..." you murmured, wanting to tear your eyes away, "... Light?..."

He was hyperventilating, yelling in pain as his skin went soft. Nausea spread through your stomach, just the thought making you almost sick. But watching it slowly play out... Light shrieking as he melted alive...

You didn't even know why you did what you did next.

You despised him. But such a fate... such a painful and horrific way to die... you rushed forward and enveloped him.

Light sagged against you, crying in your ear.

" ** _IT HURTS_**!"

You slowly spread your hands over his back... his body feeling gooey... you were gaping, your voice small.

"I... I know... I'm here... I'm here, Light."

He howled, burying his face into your shoulder. You were trembling, feeling him... melt... right in your arms... he mixed in whimpers with the sobs. You forced yourself to hold his face out. His skin was starting to hang, tears flooding down his cheeks. He was terrified, maybe even more so than the last time... An ear had completely turned around and was threatening to drip off. Light searched your face, the entire gambit of emotions rushing across.

"Y/n--" he choked.

"It's okay, I'm here," you whispered, your entire being numb.

"Y/N!" He begged, his grip around you tightening desperately. 

You quickly pulled him back into the hug, holding onto his scalp.

"Shh, it's okay. You're okay, I'm here."

He gave out more agonized screams and wails, each one sending you shuddering and etching themselves into your brain. Light dug his nails into your shoulder as if you were his last hope. Tears sprang to the corners of your eyes, every fiber begging for it to just stop. But he wasn't. The anguished bawls continued... carving into your very soul...

"I... I was always their pawn," he realized in a raspy whisper, his body twisting and writhing in your grip, "I was never a god... was I..."

"... no, Light... you weren't," you squeaked.

He sobbed, shaking his head into your shoulder.

"Light... I'm right here... I'm right--"

As suddenly as it had started, the screaming stopped. You froze... a dense liquid was slowly trailing down your back... his scalp was gelatinous between your fingers... you kept your gaze up, knowing that if you looked at the ground, you'd see him puddled. You could feel it... your knees soaked. 

It felt like you couldn't move.

The Shinigami whooped, exchanging their apples and chatting amiably.

You stayed in that position, tightly gripping the mushed mass. The only solid thing you could feel were his bones, poking through the clothing. You curled in on yourself, feeling out of your body. The King chuckled, shaking his head.

"Good stuff. Alright, a deal's a deal. Shinigami! From now on if you drop a death note on Earth, you'll be punished! Maybe now I'll have to stop dealing with so much chaos."

Your throat was tight. The King grumbled.

"Bring me the items, Human," he growled in warning.

Everything felt surreal as you brought him the note and eraser. Holding up an ornate pair of scissors, he sliced some invisible thread between them. Your breath caught, your body shaking. That... that was it? So much suffering and anxiety... and it only took two seconds...

"It's finally over?" You whimpered.

The King nodded dismissively.

"Don't forget to burn them. Ryuk, return her to Earth, eh?"

You were unresponsive even as Ryuk gently lifted you up, carefully maneuvering his claws. Clutching the note and eraser close to your body, you started realizing there were... remnants... of Light soaked into your clothing...

It felt like you wanted to cry but couldn't... you just felt... tired... tired and empty... Ryuk glanced down at you, cocking his head in confusion. The two of you were flying now above the Shinigami Realm, isolated up in the air.

"Shouldn't you be happy right now?"

You choked out a slightly sarcastic laugh. 

"Ecstatic," you bit.

Light's screams replayed in your mind until they were all you could think about. Now that you were calming down, you could feel the wound on your arm pounding, sending stars in your vision... but you found you couldn't care less about the pain... all you could see was the skin dripping off his bones while he begged. Exhausted, spent, and needing to retreat, your eyes fluttered to the gentle beating of Ryuk's wings.


	30. Ashes

L's perspective

"L, try to sit down. Your hemorrhage--"

I ignored Hina and continued pacing the hotel room.

Mello was sleeping peacefully, his back stitched, Near and Matt trying to eat dinner. A flash of lightning and Ryuk's shadow on the door. I whirled, ready to bite the Shinigami's head off for leaving and stopped. He was holding Y/n in a cradle, her head lolled forward. There was something gooey all over her and large gash on her arm....

Joy and relief like I had never experienced flooded my synapsis. I stumbled, a smile breaking across my face.

"Y/n!"

She picked her head up, blinking and glancing around. I rushed up to her, throwing my arms around her, pulling her tightly against me. She was here... a little worse for wear, but safe... I cupped my hands around her face and felt my heart drop. She wasn't smiling or frowning... her eyes were just... empty... Something in my chest constricted as I gently held her face. 

Instead of addressing my questioning look, she held out the note and eraser.

"I did it," she rasped, "they're, um... they're untethered."

My eyes popped at the news. It was true?! I slowly slid a hand through her hair. But the expression wasn't leaving her face... no, there still wasn't _any_ expression on her face. I blinked, trying to stop my eyes from misting. I couldn't see any traces of _her_.

"Where's... where's Light?"

Instead of answering, she got out of Ryuk's arms. Hina rushed forward to examine the gash, but she shook her off.

"Y/n-?"

Ignoring me, she slunk off to the bathroom.

"I need to shower," she whispered.

You stood in the shower, the gash staining the water red. Pushing your hand through your hair, you paused, strands of Light's falling out and moving towards the drain. You knew you should be feeling something... horror, sadness, anger, whatever... but you didn't feel anything. Just... hollow... stepping until your back hit the wall, you slid to the ground, staring at the drain. The pain from the gash was burning, but you could feel your fingers twitching, relapsing. You needed... you needed to cut, you needed... you curled up, your mind distant.

There was a soft knock on the door and L announcing it was him.

"...come in..."

He quickly closed it behind him but stood there watching you, shrinking in uncertainty. There were medical supplies in his arms, and he attempted for a smile.

"Hina asked me to take a look at your cut."

When you didn't say anything, he crossed over.

"Can I turn the shower off for a few seconds?"

You rolled your shoulders as the water stopped raining down on you. He knelt beside you, expertly balancing on his toes as he began cleaning the wound. You winced, screwing your eyes shut. He didn't ask any questions or push, simply pressed padding to the bleeding. You opened your eyes to meet his, large and nervous, as if one wrong move on his part would send you running. You forced a smile.

"We did it," you cheered wearily.

L tilted his head, but continued dressing the gash.

When he was done, his hand slid across the side of your face, his thumb rubbing your cheek lovingly.

"Light...?"

"Over there," you motioned to the clothing on the floor, still sopping, "and on the ground, oh and in my hair," you giggled airily, your body quivering. 

The giggling rose until you were laughing loudly. You pitched forward, your body heaving from the laughter. His eyes went wide, staring at the deceptively-innocent bundle as if it were toxic. He rocked on the balls of his feet, his face paling at the realization. L flexed his toes, watching you sadly as you continued laughing.

"Isn't funny?" You managed, wheezing, "our lives got all fucked and it took the King not even a minute to put an end to it all," you were light-headed from giggling.

L squeezed your hand, gently nuzzling it. Your stomach was aching at this point, but you didn't acknowledge it. You threw your head back, chuckling.

"It's over! Light's gone, Sayu's gone... it's all over!"

By now, your breaths were coming out in squeaks, as if you'd heard the funniest joke in the world. It was a maddening swirl and you felt you were drowning...

but then he hugged you.

Naked, bandaged and scarred, L pressed you against his body. You froze, your body trembling.

"I won," you whispered.

He buried his nose into your hair. You shuddered in his grip, the high subsiding.

"You're right," he murmured, "... it's over."

The words sparked something in your chest... You broke down, sinking against him, hooking your arms around his neck.

It was everything.

The torture, the fear and uncertainty, the stress, the self-harm, Sayu and Light's death...

it all came out in strangled sounds and the world spinning. You wailed, holding onto your head as if it might explode. 

"Oh, God, L," you managed.

His head bobbed, pressing his forehead against yours.

You felt withered, left out to dry and cracked. Was it really all over? It kind of felt like survival had become the only thing distracting you from this absolute mess in your head. If you weren't constantly fighting for survival... where did that leave you?

"He melted," you gasped, body shaking, "he... melted... in my fucking arms! He was alive and screaming, and... he fucking... he melted... AND THEY WERE ALL CHEERING!"

L passed his fingers over your scalp soothingly. The digits were cool and firm, leaving your chest heaving.

"L," you sobbed, hiding your face into his shoulder.

There, the world disappeared. It was just him and his scent. Your tears stained his shirt as he somehow managed to pull you into an even tighter hug. It felt like you couldn't breathe... L kissed your temple, his lips smooth and warm. He simply held them there and after what felt like forever, the tears subsided until you were breathing heavily. 

"I'm sorry you had to witness that," he mumbled, "I... I should've been there..."

Holding you out, you sniffed, a tired smile crossing your lips.

"You were," you assured gently, "I would've died without you."

L hesitated, but didn't press.

It took a while to convince you, but you managed to go out into the main room, where the boys, Soichiro and Ryuk were gathered. They glanced at you curiously, still not understanding what had happened. L gently squeezed your hand, leaning into you. His body heat made you warm in turn, your chest stirring. Inhaling deeply, you explained everything. From waking up in the Shinigami Realm to the King's entertainment and the way he decided to end it. Their eyes got wider the more you spoke until they were gaping.

"Yeah," you chirped, "that's pretty much it... Ryuk, how long do we have to destroy the note and eraser?"

"Hm, after a week the old man'll start to pissed."

You nodded in a daze. L leaned in, his breath soft against your ear.

"We could go home..."

Home.

The thought left a pang. You met his eyes. Something sparked in your chest. You'd won... you got to live... and once this thing was burned, you'd never have to worry about a Shinigami dropping their death note ever again...

The realization left you rocking on your feet, unable to think straight...

You were free.

* * *

You stood in the house's doorway, your breathing heavy.

Everything was exactly how the two of you had left it. After you were taken, L really spent most to all of his time as the investigation building, leaving the house as its own sort of time capsule. You slowly moved through the quiet halls, sweat prickling the back of your neck. Your eyes misted as you ran your fingers over the photos and walls, re-familiarizing yourself with the feelings. 

L circled the living room, touching the sofa.

"It's all the same," he whispered.

 _But we're different_...

Your tongue felt heavy in your throat. It was an uncomfortable feeling, like you were intruding on someone else's home... someone else's life... 

You closed your eyes, remembering the joy you felt here, the way the morning light caught in L's hair and the sugary smell always wafting from the kitchen.

A sob caught in your chest.

You slid to the floor, hugging your knees close to your body. It had all been stolen from you... all that joy... all that love. You covered your mouth with your hands, trying to stop the tears from rolling down your cheeks. 

"It's never going to be the same," you choked, fear exploding in your mind.

You shivered, your body heaving. L moved towards you, crouching and twirling a strand of your hair. His own eyes were pooled, a slight tremble in his body.

"I know," he murmured.

He didn't say a lot, but the affirmation left you feeling both cold and warm at the same time. You slumped, digging yourself into him. He fell into a sit, his fingers tracing patterns on your back. Cries escaped your throat, the world swirling.

"I don't want my memories of this place to be tainted," you whimpered, shaking your head into his shirt. 

L sniffled, sliding his hand over your scalp. He made a strangled sound, holding your head steadily.

"You deserve so more," he sobbed, "I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you time. I- I'm so sorry."

He pitched forward, shaking his head. You leaned back, looking at him. He really did feel guilty... L ran his fingers over the sides of your face, lovingly tracing the shell of your ear. Holding his face between your hands, you kissed his forehead reassuringly.

"We survived... we're here."

L watched you carefully. He chuckled dryly, smoothing a hand over his face.

"I feel sorry for the therapist who has to take care of us."

You laughed, hissing out a breath as the emotions boiled in the pit of your stomach.

There was a soft knock on the door.

Blinking, you wiped your eyes, trying to compose yourself while he answered. Matt, Near and Mello were on the other side, holding packages of ramen. Matt smiled sheepishly.

"Hey... we figured that you probably don't have like, an actual meal in the house. And we brought some kindling."

Near gave a weak smile, holding up the death note and eraser. You walked up beside L, your heart stirring.

"Thank you," you exhaled shakily.

Mello prepared the fireplace while Matt cooked the ramen and Near fiddled with his puppets. You brought out some blankets, wrapping one around yourself. Mello gave a sound of success, jumping back as small flames crackled the wood. L ran his fingers along the death note, his eyes meeting yours.

"You ready?" He asked in a low voice.

Matt came out, smoke rising from the ramen. You took it from him gratefully, the five of you crowding around the fireplace. There was a beat where no one said anything, the only sound being the fire. L's knuckles were white with how hard he was clutching the death note. You lightly touched his wrist, nodding. Grey eyes searched yours. L slowly tossed the book into the flames.

This time, it burned, the edges curling inwards. The smell of charring paper filled the air, the embers kicking up. You stuffed a mouthful of ramen into your mouth, watching in fascination as it went to ash. L poked at his ramen, having had one bite and deciding it wasn't sweet enough. You held out the eraser, gasping as it left your fingers and joined the note. It crumpled, a rubbery smell filling the air as it disintegrated into ash. Everyone exhaled... a weight being lifted. 

"So... what's next?" Mello asked, leaning back.

Near squished and stretched a puppet.

"I want to keep solving cases." He bent his head, "I'm not really good at anything else."

Mello gazed at him.

"I know we don't see eye to eye on many things... but I want to join you."

Near twirled a strand of hair, the corners of his lips tugging up.

Matt bobbed his head.

"Jess has this really awesome game idea. We're going to develop it together."

You smiled, tilting your head.

"That sounds awesome..."

You exchanged a look with L, silently asking him ' _what about us?... what's next for us_?' He hesitated, biting his thumb.

"Let's move," he offered quietly, "get a fresh start."

A fresh start... you closed your eyes. This house felt foreign now, like you didn't belong there...

"Yeah... let's move." 


	31. A Mixed Bag

You can't really say you felt sorrow at Sayu's funeral. Definitely sorry for Sachiko and Soichiro. Soichiro hadn't told Sachiko about Light coming back and dying... maybe it was for the best... it still felt strange in the funeral home, standing over Sayu's body. Her eyes were closed, her face pristine. Glancing around to make sure no one was watching, you bent over her.

"I'm sure you understand, I've been sadder before..."

Even though Sayu didn't move, it felt like she had chuckled dryly. You sighed.

"Let's see, what's been going on... it's been about a month since your death, sorry for the delayed funeral. A lot of red tape to go through..." You twirled a strand of her hair, marveling at how it caught the light, "I don't really have a solid therapist yet. It's only been a month and we've cycled through 6... Surprise, surprise it's hard finding someone who believes my story... it's been difficult, but I'm managing. Fun fact, today is actually my last day in Japan. L and I are moving to England. Fresh start, you know?"

You watched her carefully, as if she'd suddenly sit up. 

"I'm sorry things with Light didn't turn out as you hoped," you murmured in a low voice, "I... I understand _why_ you did what you did. But... I'm sorry I can never forgive you. I truly mean that, I wish I could. But it'll never happen... and I have a feeling you knew that. So that's why I can't be sad for you... I wish I was."

Her body seemed to have an aura of its own, resigned but accepting. 

"But you left good people behind and I'm sad for them... so I'll cut you a deal, hm? In exchange for letting me let you go, I'll take care of them."

Sayu remained silent, but there was a strange hum of agreement. You moved away from the casket. A strange feeling settled over and you inhaled deeply. Soichiro came over, looking down sheepishly.

"Y/n, I just wanted to thank you so much for coming. I didn't know Sachiko had invited you and I didn't know what to do and--"

"It's okay," a smile cracked up your lips, "it was nice to get some closure."

He stared at you, nodding and pulling you into a hug.

"You're kind."

It was a simple compliment, but one that left your chest crushing. 

L was standing in the corner of the room, nibbling on one of the cookies they'd put out. He shifted uncomfortably in his suit, obviously resisting the urge to scratch at it. Hooking an arm around his, you grinned.

"Let's make sure we're not forgetting anything in our suitcases."

His large eyes blinked gratefully, every step making him squirm. The corners of his lips tugged up.

"I'm thinking wood chipper for this thing."

You giggled lightly as the two of you moved away from the funeral home, the cool air kissing your skin and bringing with it a certain sense of peace. 

* * *

It was a beautiful house in the English countryside, about an hour away from Wammy's. You explored the fresh walls, running your hands along them. A small smile crossed your face.

It felt like home.

You couldn't explain it, but you felt comfortable in this place. L grunted, pulling in the last box. Rushing to his side, you helped him bring it in. 

That night, you were awake listening to the sounds of the new house, the light pitter-patter of rain against the window. L was curled up next to you. He was always freaking adorable when he slept, his wild hair sticking up in all directions. You hadn't even realized he'd woken up when you glanced over and yelped loudly. He was still in his sleep position, staring at you.

"Jesus, L," you sighed, hand going to your heart, "give me a heart attack, why don't you?"

You hoped he'd laugh at your slightly distasteful joke and to your relief, he cracked a smirk. Propping himself on an elbow, L languidly dragged a finger along your torso, making you shiver. 

"What were you thinking about?" He rumbled.

You blinked, subconsciously going into defense mode.

"Rainbows and unicorns," you snipped, wincing when you heard the protectiveness in your own voice.

He tilted his head, his finger moving along your temple.

"Hm, they must be very scary rainbows and unicorns."

"... the scariest," you admitted in a small voice. 

L tapped his chin.

"Well, when terrifying unicorns and rainbows attack, I find hot chocolate helps."

Your brow arched, a small smile playing up your lips.

"You just want an excuse to drink hot chocolate."

"Is it working?"

"Yeah, bring it over."

Soon, the two of you were sitting up on the bed, sipping the sweet, thick liquid. L ran a long finger along the rim of his cup thoughtfully.

"Time is so strange," he muttered, "I told myself I'd never feel an attachment to England, never fall in love, certainly never get married."

You looked at him, spreading your hand across the warmth radiating from your cup, the chocolate coating your tongue, bringing along with it a relaxed and peaceful feeling. Once finished, you gently placed the cup on the nightstand, grinning at him. 

"So even the Great Detective L can change?" You lightly teased.

But saying it actually brought hope up your chest. People changed... but as long as the two of you had each other... L scooted closer, his eyes silver.

"Yes," he whispered, suddenly much more serious, "I would choose you and who I am now, trauma and all, in a heartbeat over who I used to be by myself."

The words made your heart flutter. You blushed, feeling like a teenager at the bubbly emotions in your stomach.

"Well that's not fair," you purred, "you got to be all romantic and now anything I say is going to sound cheesy."

"Hm, just as planned," his eye twinkled.

Holding your breath, you captured his lips, still tasting the chocolate on his tongue. He sighed into your mouth, melting into the kiss.

"Y/n," he breathed, wrapping his arms around you.

Your mind was spinning, feeling light-headed. Leaning into him, the kiss became more passionate... victorious... a strange feeling of joy shivered through your system. You'd won your life... shouldn't you be able to enjoy it?

Soon, he was nipping excitedly at your lips, his tongue moving throughout your mouth. You gasped, wanting to feel every inch of him, needing him. His fingers danced up your abdomen, his breath tickling your ear.

"I love you."

He always had a way of making your body quiver, sending your thoughts scattering.

"I love you too," you croaked.

Turning to him, you gave him another kiss, your tongues dancing. You were horizontal, his tongue still moving throughout your mouth. 

"L," you groaned, lowering your voice to that octave you knew drove him crazy.

The reaction was almost instant, his fingers running along your curves, curling and prodding anxiously. Your hips moved on their own, each grind sending you deeper into pleasure. One night. Just one night to lose yourself and forget about trauma and pain... it'd be there tomorrow... L attached his lips to your neck and you moaned loudly, a small smile going up your mouth.

But tonight was tonight.

Stretching yourself languidly, his lips ghosted up and down your body, his long pale fingers working their magic. When a digit entered you, you gasped, your back arching and your blood boiling.

"Lawliet," you squeaked, a knot forming in the pit of your stomach.

Every methodical move made your heart do a little explosion, making your mind blank. Grasping his shoulders, you breathed heavily, almost tipping over. Before you could, he pulled away, smirking at the pleading, moaning mess you'd become. Your eyes narrowed.

"You're mean," you tittered playfully.

L tilted his head, making his long, thick hair drag across your stomach. It left goosebumps that left you squirming, needing him to be inside of you.

"Mean? Who? Me?" He asked innocently, slyly rubbing you, but not thrusting.

The corners of your lips tugged up, a small laugh escaping.

"Dick."

"Is that an insult or an order?"

"... Both."

L bent over you, his sweet scent mixed with sex filling your senses.

"Whatever the lady wants."

Your mouth dropped open when he lined himself and slowly entered, staying there. You threw your head against the pillow, your nails digging into his back. After a few seconds, L rocked his hips, sending your vision blurring. He sped up, finding a steady rhythm until all you could feel was him thrusting deep inside. Each lunge was numbing, his shaft spearing your flesh. His fingers tangled to your scalp, pressing your head close to his lean shoulders. 

"Oh, God, L... I..."

An orgasm rocked your body, washing away coherent thought into pleasure. You were shaking, static filling your brain. L thrusted a few more times before he growled huskily.

"Y/n--"

Hearing your name fall from his lips like that was intoxicating. He released deep into your heat. It was filling, your juices mixing, his member still buried deep. He looked down at you, nuzzling your neck. Pulling out, he settled against the headrest. You moved up, cuddling and pressing yourself against him.

Both of your bodies were still warm and buzzing with adrenaline. If both of you were having trouble sleeping before, it was going to be impossible now. He absentmindedly traced patterns along your arms, his face serene. 

"Where have you always wanted to go?" He asked quietly.

You glanced at him, burying your chin into his chest.

"Everywhere... the world's ours."

* * *

"He's adorable," you chirped excitedly.

Matt held out his new son, beaming. They'd named him Taki, a sweet little name for such a small and wrinkled thing. Even as a newborn, it was clear he was going to have the same vibrant, fiery red hair as Matt. 

"Achievement unlocked: fatherhood," he yipped.

L's brow quirked.

"Good to see you've got the bad dad jokes down."

Mello snorted, holding hands with a new boyfriend. Near wasn't really about that, instead sitting in the corner of the room with an array of toys. Not even looking at Taki, he held up a beautiful teddy bear.

"I thought he might like this," Near mumbled.

Mello tilted his head, snickering.

"Aw Near, you going soft?"

Near looked both ready to laugh and punch him. Quickly stepping in to keep the peace, Matt thanked Near for the toy, flashing a brilliant and heart-throbbing smirk. 

* * *

For a while, life was a constant mix of good days and bad. Good when you were curled up with L, the two of you laughing as you wrestled for the remote. Or spending the day together, hiding in the candle aisle and sharing the best scents. Bad when you felt yourself relapsing and you had to ask L to hide the sharp objects. 

In a way you felt bad for your therapist, who was always chasing after the two of you, but you were restless.

You wanted to travel the world, without cases or pressure...you just wanted to enjoy being alive. 

A mixed bag of good and bad days all scattered throughout traveling, visiting some of the most exotic locations and struggling to help L prevent sunburns. 

Detective work was still far in the future... blood had become a massive trigger, sending your mind locking. The first time it happened, he'd split his arm by accident, leading to a nice-sized gash. L was terrified. You'd gone completely catatonic, staring at the blood, a tremble overtaking your body. Holding onto your shoulders, he tried shaking you, but nothing was snapping you out of it. You didn't really come back into yourself until a few hours later. That made an interesting visit to the therapist.

So yeah, blood was a no-no.

3 years passed and you were feeling better. Blood was still bad... but you were finding happiness again.... it really felt like you'd found a rhythm.

Rolling off of L, your body was humming, the afterglow settling in. Wrapping his arms around you, he pulled you into his body heat, leaving a trail of kisses over the side of your face. He gently nibbled on the soft skin of your collarbone, passing his fingers over your front. You opened your mouth, intending to moan when you felt strange. You convulsed, quickly shoving yourself away from L. It came so suddenly, your stomach squeezing uncomfortably. His face flashed in alarm and he reached out, but you ran, your stomach turning violently.

Racing into the bathroom, you slid to your knees and unloaded last night's dinner into the toilet. Coughing, you stared at it, your stomach gurgling. L was behind you in an instant, smoothing your hair away from your face. He was watching you with large eyes.

"Are you okay?"

You leaned against the toilet, shaking your head. He knelt beside you, examining you analytically. His long fingers passed over your forehead, feeling for a temperature. Groaning, your hand went to your stomach, still feeling ready to vomit.

Your eyes popped... as did his, the thought hitting the two of you at the same time. His face went pale, and you were sure your own was ash. 

"You don't think--"

"Holy shit."


	32. A Bright Future

For the entirety of your pregnancy, L was stuck in a state of perpetual panic.

"L! Really, I'm fine!"

You groaned in resignation as L scrolled through the pregnancy book.

"L! You're overreacting!"

"But it says--"

"I don't care what it says, I'm telling you you're overreacting. "

He gave you that pout, the one that made his grey eyes quiver and you knew you couldn't resist. Sighing, you allowed him to continue overreacting. 

You were about 8 months in. Leaning against the headrest, you found your hand ghosting over your body, your eyes closing. You opened them again when you felt the bed shift and L leaning over you, seeming almost worried to touch you.

"I won't completely fall apart," you giggled.

L hesitated, but ultimately relaxed. He gently placed his chin on your belly, a small smile up his lips.

"Hey," he murmured softly, his low register making your belly vibrate, "how's it going?" His lips twitched, lazily tracing circles, "I can already tell you're going to be beautiful," he whispered fondly, "probably because you'll inherit my good looks."

You scoffed playfully while he chuckled. He continued to swirl his finger over your belly, his eyes going distant, his face falling more seriously, "I'm going to make sure you live a happy life... I'm never going to let anybody hurt you..."

You blinked, knowing exactly what he was talking about. The thought of anyone even remotely like Sayu ever finding their way into your child's life made your toes flex nervously. Stroking a hand through his hair, you sighed. L's words had struck a deep cord in you... fears you'd been trying to push away but were eating at the edges of your mind.

"What if I'm not good enough?" You whispered, your eyes misting, "we can't promise that. What if... what if I turn out like my mom? What if I end up making her suffer or hurting her or--?"

He stopped, watching your eyes tear. Holding onto your gaze, he rubbed his thumb along your belly. You adverted your gaze.

"Y/n. Look at me... do you honestly think you're _anything_ like your parents?"

Not answering, he touched your chin.

"I know you. You're kind and compassionate and fierce... I know in the deepest part of my heart that you'd burn this world to Hell before just _letting_ anything happen to her."

You choked out a laugh, nodding. It was true... you'd raise Hell for any Sayu's... any Lights... there's nothing you wouldn't do for her... Smiling, you pulled him into a hug. It was slightly awkward with your baby bump, but it was still deep and warm. L nuzzled your stomach.

"Y/n, me, Near, Mello, Matt... Little Girl, you have a pretty damn terrifying armada behind you."

A giggle rose up your chest. Craning his neck downwards, he pressed his lips against your daughter. 

* * *

"She's so small," he murmured in awe, "I never thought she'd be so small..."

Even Taki had been a few weeks old when you met him. But this little girl... it was so hard to believe she was a human being, so fragile.

Her hair was the same as yours, short peach-fuzz on her head but she had grey eyes so similar to L's. She was just born and you could already see a wicked intelligence lurking behind those irises, as well as a mischievous spirit. _You're going to be a troublesome little shit, I can already tell,_ you thought affectionately. Yawning, she settled, falling asleep. 

"We have to name her," you whispered, gently cradling her. 

There'd been a lot of back and forth, whole lists and frustrated sessions. He rubbed a thumb across his lip, slowly kissing the top of her head. She stirred a bit, meekly punching his cheek. His brow quirked, an amused smirk lighting up his face. Taking her ravioli hand, he gently kissed it. She slapped him in response. He placed his chin in the cup of his hand, ever so softly running a finger along the top of her head. Her eyelids fluttered, and she'd soon slipped back into sleep.

"Place your bets now. You think insomnia's hereditary?"

You snorted.

"Yours probably is."

The corners of L's lips twitched up. He tapped his chin.

"How about Aiko?"

Aiko... it fit. You smiled, bringing Aiko closer to your face.

"Hi, Aiko," you sang softly, "welcome to the world."

Her tiny arms bobbed, but she didn't open her eyes. L tilted his face.

"Aiko."

He simply said it, as if he was in disbelief that this was real.

"Come on, Ai," you breathed, "it's time to go home."

* * *

 **7 years later**...

Aiko's perspective

I tiptoed through the halls, knowing the exact spots that produced a loud creak. Nimbly avoiding them, I crept past Mom and Dad's room, pausing to hear their snoring. Smirking, I continued the rest of the way to Sara's room, sneaking inside. She sat up sleepily, yawning loudly while rubbing her little eyes. Hopping on the bed in front of her, I beamed. 

"Guess who just found Dad's secret candy stash! I need your help though."

Sara blinked, still not fully awake. I sighed impatiently. Truth be told, I didn't really _want_ her help... I liked solving puzzles on my own! Besides, when you're working on your own, you don't have to worry about some excitable 4 year old messing everything up... but I realized I needed her for this specific mission. When my words finally registered, she gasped.

"Yay!"

" _Shush_!"

I clamped a hand over her mouth and froze, listening. 

"You know Dad's a light sleeper," I hissed.

Sara shrank, grinning apologetically. Okay, she was kind of adorable... for a little sister, that is.

"Come on. In no time, all the candy will be ours," I promised, chuckling.

Sara still hadn't completely learned where to step on the floor so I gently directed her, carefully maneuvering the floorboards. Pushing into the furnished attic, I pointed up at an array of expensive-looking jars on a shelf. Sara's brow quirked.

"If we break it, Mom and Dad are going to kill us."

"Hm, death or candy?" I coaxed.

Sara tilted her head before her face broke out into a bright smile.

"Candy!" She chirped. 

" _E-xactly_! Based on the amount of candy I see Dad eat every day and the fact that they only restock once a week, I deduced that the big red vase is the one..."

I paused, struggling to push the soft chair, gritting my teeth with the effort. Mom and Dad made it look so easy... Sara bounced over to my side, helping me push it towards the shelf.

"Okay, so here's the plan. The vase is going to be too heavy for you. So you get on my shoulders and make it drop onto the soft chair."

"You're forgetting one thing--"

We squeaked, whirling. Dad flicked on a lamp. It looked like he'd been working on a computer and had turned it off when he heard us coming up. The corners of his lips tugged up amusedly. 

"The weight of the jar combined with the altitude of the fall would've made it bounce and shatter. It then would've woken us up, more specifically your mother. And seeing how you're in a deducing mood, you can imagine how happy she'll be with a shattered vase and spilled candy at 2 in the morning. Good deduction, just needed work on the execution."

Heat rose up my neck. I had completely forgotten about the probability of it bouncing... and the height! Ugh, how could I be so stupid? Sara moved closer to Dad, motioning towards the computer.

"Working on a case?"

He nodded slightly, now smiling almost wistfully.

"This one's very special, I'm just doing some last-minute research. Your mother's going to be joining me on this one."

Sara climbed up on the seat next to him. Dad maneuvered so he was sitting instead of crouching, allowing her to cuddle against him. I sighed. To me, at least, they looked so similar. Sara had his bushel of black hair and pale skin, the only trace of Mom being her eyes. Meanwhile, I was the opposite, looking almost nothing like Dad save for my grey eyes. But then again Mom told me they were 'eerily similar' to Dad's, so... who knew? I tilted my head curiously.

"Why did Mom give up detective work? It looks so cool..."

"Looks?"

I clamped my jaw shut, not willing to admit that I may or may not have hacked into Dad's computer to check out his murder cases. He groaned, shaking his head.

"Ai, I became a detective at a criminally young age. You're only 7. Believe me when I tell you to enjoy just being a kid... as for your question... it's complicated..."

"Complicated how?" Sara piped up, looking at him.

He hesitated, drumming his fingers nervously.

"Your mother might tell you when you're older... just some... not nice things happened to her and she had to take a break. But this is her first case back!"

"Ooh!" Sara squealed, wiggling excitedly, "what is it, what is it?"

He chewed his lip.

"It's um, well it's--"

"It's probably a serial killer," I cut in, shrugging.

Dad pursed his lips. Sara bobbed her head.

" _Oh_."

"You know what a serial killer is?!" Dad yelped.

Sara shrugged.

"Ai told me! She said it's someone who kills cereal. Why would anyone be so mean?"

It took all I had not to snort. Of course I knew what a serial killer actually was, but it'd been so cute watching her eyes well up when I told her Lucky Charms were in extra-danger for being so delicious. Dad deflated in relief. Sara stared at him, still expecting an explanation as to why someone would kill cereal. Dad laughed nervously, pulling her into a hug.

"I'll um... you'll understand when you're older."

She pouted at that, but didn't push. Inhaling, I moved to Dad's other side. He always smelled like sweet, reminding me of candy. As much as I wanted to say I was too old to be cuddling with Dad... I couldn't help but want to be there with him...

"Can you tell us the story of how you and Mom met?" Sara pleaded.

L smiled.

"It was at a bakery--"

"Ugh, boring," I moaned. He'd told this story a million times, and it was always just goopy lovey-dovey stuff, "you and Mom haven't done _anything_ interesting! I want to hear about your cases!"

Sara's eyes sparked.

"Nuh-uh! Romance!"

"Mystery!"

"Romance!"

"Mystery!"

"If you two continue, I'm sending you to bed... good? Okay. Now, where was I? Oh, right. The bakery."

* * *

Sunlight filtered on your eyes. You yawned, stretching, nerves instantly hitting your stomach. It had been so long since you'd worked on a case... you rolled over, expecting to fold into L's heat, but the bed was empty.

Blinking, you groggily got up, pushing a hand through your hair. The house was quiet... too quiet... You crept out, a blanket wrapped around your shoulders. Making your way up to the attic, you paused. Aiko and Sara were sleeping peacefully on either side of L. His head was lolled forward, snoring gently. You smiled, leaning against the doorway. You really didn't want to wake them up, but if you were going to catch the flight, all four of you had to start moving. 

Lightly tapping his forehead, L stirred, looking up at you with sleepy eyes. He gave a slightly dopey grin.

"I confirmed the hotel last night," he mumbled quietly, "you and I will have a room, Mello and his husband and Matt's actually joining us on this one, so he's going to be sharing with Near."

You nodded, excitement bubbling up your chest. All five of you working on a case again... it was hard not to giggle. Glancing down at your daughters, your lips went up.

"They get into trouble again?"

"Tried to. By the way, we need to find another place for the candy... again..."

Yikes. You nodded, gently picking up Sara. Her eyelids fluttered. Aiko was awoken from the movement, blinking her large grey eyes.

"Hey, guys," you whispered, "breakfast?"

Their heads bobbed, Aiko struggling to her feet.

As soon as they'd finished eating, everything was a blur of movement.

"Ai! Don't forget your toothbrush! Sara, Mr. Bear will be very sad if he's left behind!"

"Yes, Mom!" They chirped, racing around.

You paused, catching your breath. This was happening... this was real... your face went pale. L looked over at you, squeezing your hand reassuringly.

"If you feel you're not ready--"

"I am... I want to be."

L scanned your eyes before nodding, face flickering in admiration. He leaned in, his lips soft against yours. Your stomach stirred, your gut doing little flips.

Sara shuffled up to you, her lip quivering. Kneeling down, you lovingly smoothed down her dress.

"I don't want to stay with Grandma and Grandpa," she pleaded, "I want to stay with you!"

"With me?" You asked softly, framing her face, "you don't want to play with all the kids? You'll be seeing Taki a lot! You don't miss Grandma and Grandpa?"

That made her consider, swaying on her feet. Aiko came up next to her, holding both her bag and Sara's.

"She's just worried I'm going to beat her at hide and seek," Aiko declared.

Sara blinked, sticking her tongue out.

"No! I'll win!"

"Then come to Grandma and Grandpa's," Aiko challenged.

Sara puffed her little chest out. 

"Fine! I'll show you! Come on, Mom! We're late," Sara said determinedly, pulling at your arm.

You laughed, meeting Aiko's eyes gratefully. She always knew what to say to Sara... albeit could be a bit mean at times. 

"Alright!" You smirked, swinging Sara into your arms, "let's get to Wammy's!"

She squealed, giggling as she buried her face into your shoulder. 

L patted Aiko's shoulder, urging her onwards and to the limo waiting outside. He stood in the doorway, locking eyes with you, those unnaturally grey orbs hypnotizing.

* * *

Taki was playing in the gardens. When he saw you and the girls, his face lit up, bouncing happily (and almost trampling a flowerbed). Aiko and Sara looked ready to rush up to them, but you clicked your tongue against the roof of your mouth.

"Say hi to Grandma and Grandpa first."

They faltered but conceded, falling back into step with you towards the old Victorian mansion.

Roger had passed away six years ago from old age. It was a peaceful passing, but that had left a vacancy as caretaker for the orphanage...

The current caretaker, Soichiro Yagami, opened the door.

"Grandpa!" Aiko and Sara cried out, enveloping him.

Soichiro gasped but beamed, hugging them back. Behind him, Sachiko was struggling to pass out plates of lunch to all the kids. Roger had been a good caretaker, but Sachiko made the kids happy. You looked at them all, loving the way they were showing affection now, treating Sachiko like the mother they'd lost. She glanced in your direction with a bright smile.

"Y/n! It's great to see you! And who's that?? Girls!"

The girls went to go greet Sachiko and play with the kids while you hugged Soichiro. He held you out, his hair now fully light grey, bordering on white. Soichiro cleared his throat, quickly wiping at his eyes.

"I'm so proud of you... getting back into detective work, hm?"

"That's the plan," you sighed, "a serial killer in Iceland. They've already killed 15 people and L thinks a 16th is on the way. Apparently no one can figure out the cause of death. It's like fifteen healthy people just decided to stop living. L was showing me the case file. It's... _fascinating_."

Soichiro's eyes went soft.

"You have that spark in your eyes," he murmured fondly, "it suits you."

Heat rose up your neck. 

"Thank you... and this suits you... you look happy."

Soichiro's eyes traveled the old mahogany, the slightly gothic atmosphere. As he did, one of the child bounded past him, playing tag with another. The corners of his lips went up.

"I am," he decided.

You smiled, shuffling your feet. Sighing, you looked behind him to see Taki had joined the girls. They were laughing, poking at each other and anxious to start playing.

"Aiko! Sara!" You called, "I'm leaving! I'll see you in a week!"

Their heads swiveled in your direction.

"Bye, Mom!"

"Yeah, bye!"

They surged towards you, leaping in your arms. It was warm and you found you didn't want to let go, squeezing them tightly. But after a few seconds, you could tell they were itching to re-join the kids. In some ways, they were exactly like L. They could be emotionally unsure, but when it mattered, their affection was tender.

Pulling away, you made your way to the limo. L was perched in his seat, sifting through a collection of cds while eating some cake. You stopped, staring at him, remembering when the two of you were young. Today, there were streaks of peppered grey mixed into his dark hair. Although still not in optimal condition, his skin was a much healthier complexion and the bags under his eyes, while still slightly there, were nowhere near as deep as they had once been. A smile broke across your lips though when he shoveled a healthy heaping of icing into his mouth. No matter what... he was still your L... He held out one for classical piano questioningly.

"You need to update your tastes," he teased.

Your brow arched.

"What? It's classy. Makes me feel sophisticated."

He snorted, but continued searching for music.

Pulling next to him, you kissed him. You allowed the fireworks to go off in your brain, to savor this moment. The scars along your arms had turned white and had mostly faded, only visible by getting close to your skin. Along with them, you felt you were healing... L blinked in surprise, but his eyes soon slid shut, returning the kiss. His tongue brushed against your lips and up the insides of your cheeks, sending your thoughts scattering. Your own eyes closed, getting so lost in the sensation, your chest pounding and constricting.

L pressed the cake into your face.

You started, your eyes narrowing.

His lips were up in a devilish and cocky smirk.

"Well at least I know where Ai gets it," you growled.

Almost as if challenging you, he dragged a finger down your face. His eyes never left yours as he popped the icing from your skin into his mouth.

"Delicious... I should cover you more in icing," his eyes glinted mischievously. 

"I'm going to get you for that," you purred.

Wiping your face, you snuggled into him, inhaling his scent serenely. You fell asleep against him, the future feeling bright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! I loved writing both of these :). This one actually surpassed Cat and Mouse in terms of length and that's both surprising and amazing to me. Of course a story's worth isn't measured by its word count, but that means this is the longest fan fiction I've ever written and it feels incredible that I've built up the stamina and ability to do that. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone! Those who read the 2 stories, anyone who decided to just skip to this one, commenters, kudos-leavers, bookmakers, you are all amazing and kept me super motivated even when I started feeling a bit frustrated <3 
> 
> I do have plans for future stories,
> 
> I'm working on a new L x reader, but I like to try to have around 7-10 chapters pre-done so I can upload them so frequently (I have 4) so I'd say that's probably coming out in about 2 weeks 
> 
> I have an idea for an L x oc but that's like very early thinking about it stage lmao. 
> 
> And a L x Light but that too is very early stage lmao


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